HUMOR Digest - 23 Oct 1997 to 24 Oct 1997

Date: Thu, 23 Oct 1997 04:39:58 -0400
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Speaking in General

I've heard millions of conversations,
A thousand speeches, talks and orations;
Though often "I", "you" and "they" occur,
The most popular words remain "um", "uh" and "er".

A gathering of engineers from all over the East Coast of the US was hosted by the Maryland State Highway. It was held in a really fancy hotel ballroom -- I mean even at breakfast, the napkins had napkins.

The MC, a fellow named Harry, began his opening remarks, then said, "Seated in the audience is a 30 year man from our organization, Jimmy Moore. How about some advice for our guests Jimmy."

Not having a clue he was going to do that, I went towards the front wondering what the hell I was going to say to hundreds of engineers.

After introducing myself, I said, "There once was an old bull and a young bull grazing. The young bull said, 'Hey Pops, what's say we run down to the lower forty and get ourselves a few Jersies ?'

The old bull chewed a moment longer then replied, 'Son, let's walk down and get 'em ALL !'

That's my advice to y'all this morning -- walk down, get 'em ALL !"

Then, I started back to my seat. At first there was total and complete silence, Harry's mouth hung open so wide, he could have put his coffee cup in there.

Then there was a laugh, then another, and before I returned to my seat, the room was roaring.

Oddly enuff, Harry never called on me again -- for anything.

At the same 3 day conference on the last day, the last speaker stood up and said, "I've prepared a really great talk for you, but I notice the hour is late, and I know you're all anxious to be heading back home. Instead of delaying you further, I shall fax you all a copy in the morning." Then he sat down.

Pity the poor engineer who was asked to speak at a dedication ceremony of the new highway between Soo Paulo and Santos in the rugged mountain regions of Brazil.

The letter inviting him outlined the program. It said: "You are scheduled to speak after General Eurico Gaspar Dutra and before the firing squad."

  Return to JimJr's Postings Page

This page hosted by Get your own Free Home Page