HUMOR Digest - 31 Oct 1997 to 1 Nov 1997

Date: Fri, 31 Oct 1997 05:47:12 -0500
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Moore Put Downs

At the risk of starting a debate, I'd like to begin with one of the most famous "put-downs" of all time. It's been attributed to everybody from Harry Truman to Barney. But, the originator of this famous line was in reality Winston Churchill.

Lady Nancy Astor once got annoyed at Churchill. "Winston," she said sharply, "if you were my husband I'd put poison in your coffee."

"And if I were your husband," responded Churchill, "I'd drink it."

It had been quite a few weeks since a farmer had seen his neighbor, and when he did, he said, "Miss Musgrove, you seem to be getting a little bit stouter."

"You old fool." she replied, "Don't you know you musn't ever tell a woman she is getting fat ?"

"Oh." the farmer replied contritely, "I didn't think a woman your age would mind at all."

Speaking on putting on weight, I saw an old girlfriend of mine not too long ago. I'm afraid I passed right by her, and she said, "Jimmy, aren't you even going to speak to me ?"

Embarrassed, I stopped, turned around, and replied, "Sorry, I didn't even recognize you."

"Well..." she said, "it's really me. The same old Fanny [Smith], you ding-dong."

I couldn't stop myself and replied, "Well, it may indeed be the same old [Smith], but it's sure not the same old fanny."

Y'all may remember Babette, my neighbor. She was at a banquet to raise funds to send textbooks to Columbia's sister city in Brazil -- Duque de Cashias Bondeux, and was snubbed by some Yuppette.

Another Yuppette, trying to keep the peace said, "Pay no mind to Mitzi, she's often rude to those she considers her social inferiors."

Babette simply shrugged and said, "How in the world does she ever find any ?"

An aging glamor girl said to a group at the bar, "Well, I'm finally approaching forty."

A voice from the group said, "Oh ? From which direction ?"

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