HUMOR Digest - 12 Jan 1998 to 13 Jan 1998

Date: Mon, 12 Jan 1998 03:27:20 -0500
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Things You Wish You'd Hear

From your daughter/son:
     "I really appreciate the benefit of your wisdom"
     "Yes, I agree completely -- as usual, you're right"
     "I really don't care what the other kids are doing"

From your daughter/son's preschool teacher:
     "Everyone misbehaved today, except Jimmy/Sandy"
     "Jimmy/Sandy traded his/her candy bar for carrot sticks"
     "I wish we had 20 Jimmy/Sandy's"

From your daughter/son's elementary school teacher:
     "Jimmy/Sandy really knows how to interact with others"
     "I can't seem to teach him/her fast enough, they're so eager"
     "Jimmy/Sandy's excellent behavior is a fine reflection on you"

From your daughter/son's high school teacher:
     "Jimmy/Sandy is now qualified for a full college scholarship"
     "I can't see wasting years here, they should enter college now"
     "Jimmy/Sandy is excelling in both sports and their studies"

From your auto mechanic:
     "That part is much less expensive than I thought"
     "I've never seen anyone maintain his car as well as you do"
     "It was just a loose wire -- no charge"

From a tire dealer:
     "Sir, those tires have plenty of tread left"
     "Yes indeed, your warranty covers that"
     "Your car's front end alignment is perfect"

From a store clerk:
     "The computer's down. I'll just add your purchases manually"
     "Yes, it was defective. We'll pick it up & bring you a new one"
     "Actually Wal-Mart has the same exact item a lot cheaper"

From a contractor:
     "Whoever worked on this before sure knew what he was doing"
     "I think I came in way too high on that estimate"
     "Looks like we're gonna be done a week or so early"

From a doctor:
     "Well, I wish I were in as good a shape as you"
     "Actually, I think you're the perfect weight for your height"
     "All of your test results were text-book perfect"

From a dentist:
     "I think you're flossing way too much"
     "I won't ask any questions while I'm working in your mouth"
     "Yes, the topless hygienist is really quite thorough"

From a restaurant server:
     "I think it's presumptuous for a waiter to volunteer his name"
     "I was slow and inattentive -- I cannot accept any tip"
     "Dessert's on the house"

From the Internal Revenue Service:
     "I've audited your last 10 tax returns -- we owe you a bundle"
     "I've never looked at it that way -- you're 100% correct"
     "I agree -- the forms and the tax laws are way too confusing"

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