HUMOR Digest - 7 Feb 1998 to 8 Feb 1998

Date: Sat, 7 Feb 1998 03:10:11 -0500
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: The Grate State of Texas

Near the town of Raymondville, in the Rio Grande valley of Texas, a fugitive barricaded himself in a small house and threatened to shoot anyone who came near the place.

The local Sheriff called in a Texas Ranger.

In the gun battle which followed, the fugitive was shot and killed. The local Justice of the Peace, acting as the coroner, returned the verdict: "Suicide. Subject failed to co-operate with a Texas Ranger."

The woman called to her husband from the kitchen of the Texas ranch and said, "Bruno, would you please get the car and drive the kids to the back yard so they can play ?"

In the days of the Old West, bar fights would often spill over into the street and before anyone knew what happened, it was a full-scale riot.

In one such town, the Mayor wired the Texas Rangers for help. On the next train, a Ranger gets off and is greeted by the astonished Mayor. "They only sent one Ranger ???"

The Ranger straightened his hat, brushed the dust from his coat, and replied, "Y'all only got one riot, right ?"

A Texan was dictating his will to his lawyer: "To my son I leave the sum of five million dollars, and he's damn lucky I didn't cut him off entirely."

At a convention of oil men, the speaker from Texas called the neighboring state of Oklahoma an "Outlying province of Texas".

The next speaker, an Oklahoman, started off his talk with, "First of all, there ain't no state that can out-lie Texas."

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