HUMOR Digest - 10 Feb 1998 to 11 Feb 1998

Date: Tue, 10 Feb 1998 02:57:44 -0500
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: With Justice for All

Well, y'all can't say I didn't warn ya about those Columbia Maryland Yuppettes. Now, Mz. Linda Tripp (aka "wired lady") really put the place on the map with her Monica tapes.

It's not fair though to think the Howard County Judicial system is soft just because they're not prosecuting her yet.

Why just last week a Judge here sentenced a 78 year old man to twenty years in prison.

The fellow stood up and wailed, "Twenty years ??? Your honor I'm a sick man. I'll never do twenty years, I'll be dead way before then. How about a little mercy ?"

The Judge replied, "Well... do the best you can." At that, he rapped his gavel on the bench, got up, and left.

A Columbia lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness, stopped and said: "Your honor, a juror is asleep."

The Judge ruled: "You put him to sleep; YOU wake him up."

I really liked Ken Starr's TV appearance the other day. He jumped up and down, tore off his coat & threw it to the ground, waved his arms, pounded the podium with both fists, and stomped his feet, for a full minute, all without saying a single word.

Then he said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, now that I have fully and completely answered the arguments of both the Clintons and their learned counsels, I'll discuss the facts of this case with you."

The Yuppie was on the stand for cheating thousands of people out of their savings with an elaborate bond scheme.

The District Attorney asked him how many people he had cheated, and the defendant replied, "None."

Surprised at the answer, the DA said, "Do you know the penalty for perjury sir ?"

"As a matter of fact, yes I do. And it's far more amicable than the ones I'm currently facing." said the Yuppie smiling.

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