HUMOR Digest - 28 Feb 1998 to 1 Mar 1998

Date: Sat, 28 Feb 1998 03:16:42 -0500
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: CheapSkates

I'm sure y'all know people who are way too tight with their money. Maybe some of these zingers will help loosen the skinflints up:

He's so cheap...
     - his hearing aid has a solar battery
     - he takes off his glasses when he's not looking at anything
     - he rides a crowded subway just to get his clothes pressed
     - he married a skinny girl so he could buy a smaller ring
     - he named himself as beneficiary in his will
     - he's still waiting for the Bible to come out in paperback
     - he recycles belly button lint
     - he won't even tip his hat
     - the guest room in his house has a pay smoke alarm
     - he's worn his suits so long, they've been in style 4 times

A woman goes to a dentist. He examines her and charges her $ 45. She said, "Can't you make it $ 35 ?" He agrees.

The next month she comes back for a filling and the bill comes to $ 75. Again, she asks, "Can't you make that $ 60 ?"

Being a good guy, and thinking maybe she was poor, he agrees.

He suggests a follow-up appointment and tells her to come back Tuesday at 11:00. She says, "Can't you make that 9:30 ?"

I never really knew how tight my neighbor was until I borrowed a vise from him. It had traces of toothpaste on it.

This cheapskate thief holds up a fancy men's store. He tells the clerk to bring him a couple of good suits too.

The clerk returns with several magnificent black silk suits. The tightwad asks, "How much are they ?"

The clerk says, "Nineteen hundred dollars each."

The hold-up man is bagging the cash and says, "Scheesch, don't you have anything cheaper ?"

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