HUMOR Digest - 15 May 1998 to 16 May 1998

Date: Fri, 15 May 1998 04:05:09 -0400
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Flying

The old adage "A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step" doesn't quite hold true when it comes to airline travel.

There, a journey of a thousand miles usually begins with a delay of 2-3 hours.

Those of you nervous about flying -- don't be.

These days, the biggest risk in flying is the ride to & from the airport.

The easiest way to tell if the craft you're on is about to encounter severe turbulence is to watch for the stewardess begin to serve drinks.

It was one of those cloudy, hot days in Texas. The poor lil' commuter plane was being bounced around all over the sky.

The pilot came on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we are encountering some pretty bad turbulence, but don't worry. Should anything go wrong, you'll know immediately. Our co-pilot will become hysterical."

I guess the pilot was trying to assure us that he was doing all he could to fly above the turbulence. His calm voice came on the intercom with: "Ladies and Gentlemen, we have ascended three times now to try to miss these storms, but I'm afraid we're at the structural limits of the aircraft now."

A stewardess explains to the passengers on a "No Frills Flight" that in case of emergency, the oxygen masks will fall down in front of them. "If they don't however," she added, "please hold your breath while the pilot descends."

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