HUMOR Digest - 5 Sep 1998 to 6 Sep 1998

Date: Sat, 5 Sep 1998 03:58:50 -0400
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Steven Wright Quotes

A Ms Jenni Spinner wrote and said she enjoys comedian Steven Wright.
She attached the one-liners below and requested that I post them.

STEVEN WRIGHT QUOTES:

- After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
- How can there be self-help "groups"?
- If white wine goes with fish,  do white grapes go with sushi?
- If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
- If someone has a mid-life crises while playing hide & seek,
   does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?
- Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them,
   would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?
- Just "before" someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?
- When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?
- When you open a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
- When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper,
   does he wonder why you're sitting there, staring at carpeting?
- Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
- Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
- Why do they report power outages on TV?
-  I stayed in a really old hotel last night.  They sent me a wake-up letter.
- I'm taking Lamaze classes. I'm not having a baby,
   I'm just having trouble breathing.
- Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories ...
- There's a fine line between fishing & just standing on the shore like an idiot.
- What a nice night for an evening.
- Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
- My girlfriend is weird. She asked me, "If you could know how and when
   you were going to die, would you want to know?"
   I said, "No." She said, "Okay, then forget it."
- When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad.
   He said, "I want my daughter back by 8:15."
   I said, "The middle of August? Cool!"

http://www.sdmmag.com/bios/jenni.htm

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