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HUMOR Digest - 20 Sep 1998 to 21 Sep 1998
Date: Sun, 20 Sep 1998 03:23:04 -0400
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Jewish Humor
September 21st begins
Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year:
L'Shana Tova
o' Metukah !!! Shant Shalom v osher v osher
(A year of peace, happiness and prosperity)
Like a lot of other religions, they're also experiencing a resurgence of their faith. In fact, one young Jewish girl I know was so very impressed after she had read Exodus, she had her nose changed back.
To help their congregation better cope with modern times, one local synagogue decided to offer a course in time management. A member telephoned and asked the Rabbi what time it started.
He replied, "Oh... fivish, sixish."
Jewish Mothers don't differ from any other in the world when it comes to bragging about their sons.
One Mother, trying to out-do another when it came to opportunities available to their just graduated-from-college sons said, "My Irvin has had so many fine interviews, his resume is now in its fifth printing."
The Jewish dietary laws were logical for a desert environment and no refrigeration; pork is prohibited and so is shellfish.
Passing by an outdoor cafe, a Rabbi saw one of his flock with a plate of oysters. He said, "Sol -- it's 'the holidays'!!!"
Sol replied, "What's the problem Rabbi ??? There's an 'R' in 'Kippur'."
Like a lot of religions, the Jews attempt to carry their beliefs, traditions and laws into their every-day lives.
Even the military in Israel is operated under strict religious laws. All of their generals have 3 baskets on their desks for their correspondence: "Sacred", "Top Sacred" and "OY, Don't Ask !"
For a long time, Jewish couples resisted the idea of divorce, but times change.
Recently in Howard County a Jewish couple filed for divorce. The woman was testifying & explaining her "Bad marriage" to the Judge.
She said, "That's my side of the story, your honor, now let me tell you his."
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