HUMOR Digest - 7 Oct 1998 to 8 Oct 1998

Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1998 03:29:15 -0400
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: The Old Guard

"The Four Hundred" was once actually a list of the wealthiest and most exclusive social set.

One Boston matron lamenting its demise said: "Even 'The Four Hundred' has been reduced to $2.98"

America's Blue Bloods circled the limos long ago in an attempt to stave off the 90's. One matron was so shocked at some of the new female tennis outfits.

She said, "In my day, a debutante was considered daring if she showed her in-step. Today, they all show their step-ins."

Being admitted into "society" used to require not only money, but lineage. One sure method of being accepted was to claim your ancestors arrived in the US on the "MayFlower".

According to my calculations, for the ship to accommodate the vast amount of people claiming such passage for their ancestors, the Mayflower would have had to have been at least 3.7 miles (5.95 km) long.

Four local, but unmistakable VIP's arrived for dinner at a New York hotel right at the busiest time. There was no table available and they were kept waiting in the lobby.

The hotel manager spotted them and hurried over to the maitre d'hotel. "Do you realize just who you've got waiting in the lobby to be seated ?" he asked.

"Indeed I do." the maitre d'hotel replied. "I've already been told four times, sir."

When I was with State Highway, I was invited to address a DAR (Daughters of the American Revolution) sub-committee meeting concerning the impact a proposed highway widening would have on their meeting hall.

The chairwoman, sensing my reluctance, said, "Surely you don't object to clubs for women."

"No, not at all." I replied. "But only as a last resort, and only when all other means of persuasion fail."

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