HUMOR Digest - 29 Oct 1998 to 30 Oct 1998

Date: Thu, 29 Oct 1998 05:19:43 -0500
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Mrs JimJr

Like a lot of women from her age group, Mrs JimJr knows nothing at all about cigars.

She saw me bite the end off one and said, "Why don't you just buy the right size ?"

I've never been at ease addressing large groups of people. I told Mrs JimJr that I never know what to do with my hands.

She said, "Why not try putting them over your mouth ?"

Approached for a contribution for Clinton's last campaign, Mrs JimJr said she'd be more than happy to give if she could be assured that the money would be used for a lie-detector implant and starch for his backbone.

I once found Mrs JimJr at the kitchen table looking at her receipt from the grocery store. I asked her what was wrong.

She replied, "It's so sad to realize that most of this stuff is worth more per pound than I am."

No one hates high pressure sales tactics more than Mrs JimJr. At a dress shop once, an over-eager salesgirl said, "Oh ! That dress IS you !!!"

Mrs JimJr, looking in the mirror, was silent for a moment, then said, "Too bad. I have such terrible taste."

Mrs JimJr and I once wanted very badly to see a top rated play appearing here for a limited engagement. Hoping to luck out with a cancellation, we went directly to the theater and I asked if there were any tickets at all.

The woman in the ticket booth said that they were sold out, but they did have some standing-room-only spots left.

Mrs JimJr queried, "Are they together ?"

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