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HUMOR Digest - 31 Dec 1998 to 1 Jan 1999
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 1998 03:53:24 -0500
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: New Year's Resolutions
Some suggested New Year's Resolutions for e-mail humor users:
* Wait at least three days before re-posting anything which has already appeared
at
least 1,117 times previously
* Begin a movement to insist that appropriate prizes are awarded for the longest jokes
* Contact your ListOwner(s) frequently complaining about other posts or
posters;
they get paid well to resolve these things
* Remember that even if you should accidently delete 3 years of collected
jokes the
ListOwner(s) will be happy send them to you
* Carefully check all posts for grammatical and/or spelling errors and flame
each poster
who would dare be so careless
* Remember that all historical facts and references are vital to the punch
line of each joke;
insist they be authentic & accurate
* Don't promote any list you are on; keep it a secret so you can send out
the jokes later
to friends claiming them as your own
* Always include your personal opinion/critique of the joke; many others
can benefit from
your wisdom and expert leadership
* List all phone numbers, pagers, faxes, mailing addresses (both personal
and business) --
many readers will want to contact you
* Select some "tag line" and always include it as your trademark; vary the
line every seven
thousand posts or so
* Change your address at least monthly and request the ListOwner(s) to correct
the files
so you won't have to bother with all those inane ListServer
Commands
* Be sure to post any "forward" you receive with the
>>>>>> intact; it causes the reader
to think "This MUST be funny stuff" to have been resent so often
* Never submit any joke dealing with religion, politics, handicaps, social
standing, sexual
superiority/orientation, national origin, race,
weight/height/appearance, or anything else
that might offend anyone else anywhere in the world
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