HUMOR Digest - 13 Jan 1999 to 14 Jan 1999

Date: Wed, 13 Jan 1999 03:55:36 -0500
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Tuff as Can Be

In Baltimore Maryland, people who say they're on their way to a "screening" aren't going to attend a movie premiere -- they're en route to the Police station to take part in a Police line-up.

About to complete his 100th jump, the ski-diver was telling his friend of the event. "I'd be honored" said the friend, "if you'd wait until tomorrow and complete your 100th with our club. They all have to repack their chutes after today's jump."

"Chutes ???" asked the ski-diving ex-Naval Aviator. "Y'all use parachutes ???"

The West Virginia State Trooper was responding to a bar fight. His back-up was a female rookie. After they had stopped the fracas and placed three knife wielding punks under arrest, the veteran policeman noticed the woman trooper silently crying, her back to the scene.

He walked over, put his hand on his shoulder, and said, "You did just fine. I'm sorry this had to upset you."

"Upset is right !" she said, "I broke two nails."

My friend George, an ex-Marine Aviator, wanted to show-off his new twin engine plane. I was riding along as he put it through its paces. Suddenly, we were caught in a violent thunderstorm, with lightning crashing all around us, we lost the radio and most of the instruments. As we were being tossed around in the sky, George said, "Damn !!!"

Fearing the worst, I asked, "What's wrong now ?"

George replied, "I got the hiccups. Do something to scare me."

A woman decided to take her kids to the movie "Saving Private Ryan", which accurately depicted "D Day" -- the World War II landing of the Allies in France. She asked her Father along, since he was actually there, and took part in the battle.

After the movie, she noticed her Father pale & sweating. "Dad, I'm sorry. I hadn't even thought about the movie bringing back that terrible day and scaring you."

"I was never scared at all 'til I saw that God awful picture." he replied.

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