HUMOR Digest - 5 Feb 1999 to 6 Feb 1999

Date: Fri, 5 Feb 1999 04:11:46 -0500
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Maryland State Highway

Hal Kassoff, the former Administrator for the State Highway, liked to get his point across.

Since all Senior Managers served at "his pleasure" there was a sign in his office: "There's lots of room at the top, but no place to sit down."

Designated parking places were always a perk for the various managers at State Highway. A reflective metal sign was even placed with the manager's initials at his/her parking spot.

The system worked pretty good until a Stanford O. Buckland became a Senior Manager.

A District Engineer had an urgent need to store hazardous chemicals for disposal. I was to oversee the construction & the Facilities Management Team was to draft the plans.

Two weeks later the DE called again requesting the status of his emergency project. I told him that he could begin hauling the material into the building now, but if he wanted to review the plans, he would have to wait 2-3 more weeks as they were still being drafted.

For a test of chemicals used in snow removal operations, it was decided to use a type of fertilizer used by airports. I sent three dump trucks to Delaware to pick-up the material.

Returning in convey, the three were stopped for speeding. The Delaware State Trooper asked the lead driver, "Do you know you were exceeding 70 mph... don't you have a governor on that truck ?"

Kenny, the driver, responded, "No sir. The Governor's in Annapolis, that's just the fertilizer you smell."

In its wisdom, the Maryland State Legislature declared a weed known as "Canadian Thistle" a noxious weed and charged the State Highway with removing it from the roadsides.

Prohibited from using herbicides in watershed areas, the Univ of Maryland came to our aid and genetically engineered a beetle which would eat the thistle seeds.

Before releasing the thousands of bugs given us, I asked what happens when they eventually eat all of the seeds. I was informed they would simply starve to death. (Oh !)

So next time y'all are driving on InterState Route I-70 in Maryland, don't pay any attention to what appears to be defoliation -- it's just the Thistle Beetles starving.

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