HUMOR Digest - 16 Feb 1999 to 17 Feb 1999

Date: Tue, 16 Feb 1999 03:12:18 -0500
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Valentine's Day Update: For Men only

The Catholic Encyclopedia states: "The late medieval custom of sending love notes on Valentine's Day probably stems from the belief that it marked the mating season of birds". This tidbit is further verified by a 14th century verse written by none other than Geoffrey Chaucer:

So see guys, we've been right all along -- Valentine's Day is definitely for the birds. If you're in big trouble because you didn't send any card(s), flowers, candy or gifts, dazzle your S.O. with one or more or the following verifiable facts:

1) The historical facts of Valentines's Day stem from ancient Rome's "Feast of Lupercus". It was a pagan feast day where flowers and gifts were presented to a deity to protect the livestock from the wolves that wandered about in Rome.

2) There actually was a Pope Valentine. But I'm afraid his papacy lasted only 40 days. He is remembered for being the most "liberal" of the Popes.

3) A fellow named Valentinus almost became a Pope also, but he and his followers were denounced as heretics by the Church. Their beliefs included the use of a "Bridal Chamber" which symbolized the unification of opposites.

4) In 269 AD, the holiday encompassed a celebration to the Goddess "Febris" (feverish love).

5) The feast day for Saint Valentine was dropped from the Liturgical calendar in 1969.

How does all this help ? Easy !!! Simply tell her that you:

- refuse to recognize a pagan ritual for cows
- are offended by the reference to "birds" (an offensive term for women in England)
   and it should bother her also
- know Valentine's roots are sexual, and you would far rather celebrate her mind
   and not her body or sexuality
- feel feverish love is hardly ever the basis for a long-term relationship, which you
   would much prefer
- can say you respect the Church's decision to downplay/downgrade the physical
   side of love to concentrate on its deeper meanings

Trust me on this one, women just love the above kinda... er, logic. Hell, who knows ??? They may even think that you're "intuitively sensitive" and for reasons unknown to any man alive, that seems to turn them on something fierce.

Don't forget to look sincere, hear ?

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