HUMOR Digest - 13 Mar 1999 to 14 Mar 1999

Date: Sat, 13 Mar 1999 04:40:00 -0500
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: In a Perfect World

There's a rich resource available in our HumorList Archives. In addition to the current 1999 Digests, copies are available of 1996-1998 mailings. The URL's are listed daily in my posts.

            Date: Thu, 13 Jul 1995 22:15:21 EDT
            From: Keith E Sullivan [dnwu64a@Prodigy.Com]
            Subject: In a Perfect World...

I found the following in the most recent issue of the "Reader's Digest".
I've added a couple of my own at the end.

IN A PERFECT WORLD...

...a person should feel as good at 50 as he did at 17, & he would actually be as smart at 50
   as he thought he was at 17.
...you could give away a baby bed without getting pregnant.
...forget-me-nots would stimulate the memory.
...doing what was good for you would be what you enjoyed doing the most.
...pro baseball players would complain about teachers being paid contracts worth millions
   of dollars.
...people would always have good reasons to be optimistic.
...you would never fumble, but if you did, you would recover the ball yourself.
...the mail would always be early, the check would always be in the mail, and it would be
   written for more than you expected.
...potato chips might have calories, but if you ate them with dip, the calories would be neutralized.
...if the guy from the government said to you, "I'm here to help," not only would he mean it,
   but he would do it.
...first impressions wouldn't count for nearly as much as ultimate performance.
...winning might be a nice thing, but that would be all.
...all people would expect to be accepted.
...every one in a while at least, a kid who always closed the door softly would be told,
   "Go back and slam the door."

                                                --by John Gratton
                                                   Drexel Missouri Star
                                                   Reprinted in Reader's Digest

...highway patrolmen would never be around when you're running late, but would always
   be at your side when a BMW blows past or a Mac truck won't get off your bumper.
...the better food tasted, the less calories it would have.
...warranties would be for 13 months and products would fail at 12.
...more would be accomplished by governments when they spent more.

Indexed UGA Humor Digests 1996-1999:
          (text) http://www.crosswinds.net/~jimjr
          (zip)  http://www.oocities.org/BourbonStreet/6293

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