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HUMOR Digest - 23 Apr 1999 to 24 Apr 1999
Date: Fri, 23 Apr 1999 04:35:01 -0400
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: The Military
The Pentagon is looking at the cost overruns in the $219 billion contract for the proposed "Joint Strike" fighter aircraft. It now seems both Lockheed Martin & Boeing want to charge extra for the CD player and seat warmer.
As Commander-and-Chief of the military, President Clinton has reclassified himself as an 18-F. What that means is in case the US is invaded, he'll de disguised as a Nun then evacuated to the Vatican.
The young girl, a plebe at the Naval Academy in Annapolis, was visited by her Mother and asked how she liked the Navy.
"Well... Mother." replied the girl. "I am having a bit of trouble learning to use my sextant properly."
"Mary Jane !!!" said her Mother aghast. "I thought this place was 'straightened out' after that 'Tailhook' scandal."
A friend of mine has a daughter in the Navy's SeaBees. While assigned to Antarctica, Roxanne was ordered to use her bulldozer to excavate holes in the snow. Immediately behind her were two men using loaders to fill them in.
Her Mother asked her what the reasoning behind the operation was and Roxanne replied, "Beats me Ma. But I have a hell of a time keeping ahead of those guys."
While in Navy training, we were actually issued old M-1 rifles and not only fired them, but had to clean them too. An accountant type was asked by our Company Commander what was the first thing to do when cleaning a rifle.
The trainee responded, "Check the serial number."
The instructor, a crusty old Marine barked, "Check the serial number ??? What the hell for ???"
"To be sure I'm cleaning MY rifle." replied the trainee.
Indexed UGA Humor Digests 1996-1999:
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