GOALIES
incident number 2
Hello
One of the benefits I receive working for YOUR FAVORITE AIRLINE is
flight benefits. I can go anywhere in the world for a mere pittance.
Recently I decided to take a flight to Daytona. I decided to standby for 1st class instead of getting an economy class seat confirmed. Maybe one day I’ll meet a celebrity or someone who has nothing better to do with their money and decides on a whim to will it to me. Neither one is likely.
On this trip I sat down to overweight middle age man who gave me a shower every time he said something. He reminded me of a
small dog that would pee all over the place when it gets excited.
[ I’m retired.] He looked as if he wanted me to applaud. He had his eyes fixed on me waiting for me to respond.
I wiped his spit off my arm with an airline napkin with it’s new motto
on it.”Your Favorite Airline....the last airline you’ll ever want to fly” I thought
this was a lousy motto and just wasn’t gonna fly. Ha HA HA ha.
[What do you do young man? I’m retired myself]
Jeezz. I didn’t even finish cleaning up the first barrage of spit. Now
there’s more. ‘I work for Your Favorite Airline......’ The napkin was soaked I needed another and beckoned the Flight Attendant. ‘If you don’t mind I’m
really tired and have a connection flight to catch in Nashville....’
[ Heck no I don’t mind at all. My son He works for You guys also. He
got me this ticket and hotel rooms........] He shows me these coupons. About 30 , all with Free night stay printed on them. [ I don’t mind at all, I’ll keep
you awake so you can make your next flight.]
{I’m busy with the paying passengers, what do you need?}Roslina
was etched in the Flight Attendant’s nametag .
‘Could I have some more napkins please.’
{My god how much water did you spill? And where is the glass?}
‘I didn’t spill anything. It must be condensation or something. I didn’t want
to tell her I was sitting next to a lawn sprinkler. Could I please have some
napkins.?’
{It looks like you went pee pee in your pants}She thought she was so
cute and witty. She must stay up late at night to come up with these clever put downs. I almost mentioned she had a booger playing peek a boo when she breathed. But no.. that would have been impolite. Besides I’m sure she wanted everybody on the plane to see it.
[Ho ha ho haa haa] Spit was everywhere. Roslina turned and walked
briskly away . Even though I was slightly embarrassed I still followed the
swaying of her butt. Almost in a figure 8 motion if you fixed your eye on one spot.
I imagined how firm it was. It could be the most comfortable pillow known to man.
A few minutes later she returned with some towels for me. {Here you
go, if you need anything else let me know}
I could sense the pity in her voice. Bruno was the name of the
passenger and he wanted to tell me his life story. Most of it sounded like
Blah Bah Blah with Spit spit spit for effects. There was no place else to sit
so I had to come up with a plan to keep from being soaked. First I tried to
pretend I was asleep. Bruno would wake me up. Then I decided to cover
myself with a couple of blankets. That seemed to help.
He was a nice guy. He told me he and his wife had owned a
furniture refinishing store in Valley Stream, Long Island before retiring.
‘That’s where I’m originally from.... Long Island’ I decided to be
part of the dialogue in an upbeat manor. Maybe I could get some of those
coupons from him.
[ Which part?] Bruno was noticeably excited by this startling
information. I felt like I was in the middle of a rain shower. He must lead a boring life I thought.
‘Commack, Northport area..’ I mentioned Commack because
somewhere along the line I would mention that Rosie O Donnnel and I
went to the same high school. I never mention it was 4 years apart. I never
even knew she existed until I read a story about her and a mouthwash company
battling it out. I became fascinated with the story and wanted her to kick some
ass in that hometown fashion. She did.
[Exit 52 off the L.I.E...That’s a nice place to grow up]
‘It was a nice area to grow up in. Not too far from the beach...we had
the Arena to see Clyde Beatty circus and the flea market. I liked it.’
[Where do you live now? ] His spit was sprinkling me in the face.
I was trying to hold back my temper. Bruno wasn’t spitting on purpose.
He probably isn’t even aware of it. ‘Baltimore, armpit of the world.’ I was gritting my teeth.
[Wow, you must really hate it there.......you growled as you said it. It can’t be that bad.] The captain came over the loudspeaker telling the flight attendants to prepare for take off.
After we leveled off Roslina positioned herself in front of the cabin
She stood straight ahead with a smile and motioned all the FAA regulations
concerning emergency procedures as another Flight attendant read them over the loudspeaker.
I stared at Roslina as if these regulations were important to me. I
imagined her naked body under the uniform she wore. She was built really well.
She probably got a good workout tending to the needs of the passengers.
I started to develop this non-existent bond between us. Little Elvis was
waking up.
[So you have a little one?]
‘WHAT? What did you say?’ I was appalled that he was looking at me
that way. I couldn’t believe it. And where does he get small. I’m medium at worst.
[Children..... I was wondering if you have children] He was looking at
me as if I was looney.
‘Ooo, e..ah yes. Yes I do. 2 boys’ I was embarrassed and felt stupid. I
apologized for my abrupt answer without offering an explanation. How do you
explain something like that?
[You ever hear of Goalies? ]
‘Like on a hockey team?’
[Not like on a hockey team. The product from Timbernex the paper
company. They are for young children and adult males with that...well seepage
problem.] He was trying to sound like a pitchman by adding a slight musical tone.
It sounded awful but he stopped spitting. He went on about the product and
how he invested in their stock.
‘I don’t know of any children or young adult males that own any wells.’ What the hell was he talking about? ‘What the hell are you
talking about?’
[Goalies are absorbent tissue used to prevent unsightly
blemishes on undergarments. Panty liners, if you will for the
backside. Natural, absorbent and deodorized to mask any
residue odors that might be present. They come in various sizes and designer
styles. You never heard of them?]
‘This conversation is getting close to being very personal. But just to
satisfy your need to know. I do not and never had the problem of skidmarks.’
[You must be one of them lucky ones. Everyone I know has had it happen to them. You can’t tell me you never had one of them farts that was
slightly wet?]
‘Dry as a dustbowl......can we talk about something else? Like all those
coupons you have?’
[That’s the problem with young people. Here is a product that can
help and you’re too embarrassed to realize how important it is.]
TO BE CONTINUED>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
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