A few years back, a group of venture socialists
figured out how to re-create political dinosaurs
from fragments of RNC rhetoric, spliced together
with DNC machinations. Their coalition, called SpinGen,
was set up for the re-creation and promotion of
an extinct predator found embraced with Amber
(and Susan, and Genifer, and Barbra, and Kelly,
and DeeDee, and Ellen. . . .).
This pathological prevaricator was groomed
in the primordial state of Arkansas before being
installed in a four-year park exhibit.
But the predator's containment system broke down
shortly before the opening. The allegations got free,
the files had to be destroyed, and the account was
expunged from the public press.
In the aftermath, everyone involved moved quickly
to quash the story. The predator wanted to limit,
or at least delay, his liability. The Arkansas
government wanted to preserve its reputation
as a redneck paradise. And the attorneys who
had been hired as investigators on the project
were bound by nondisclosure agreements to
remain silent.
But as a resentful Hillary Clinton is about to find out,
Something Has Survived the secret disasters
at Harassment Park. . . .
Guide to Major Lust World Species
- Ankelosaurus [ANG-kel-oh-SORE-us]
- Order of the Reginosaurus, suborder Femminazicus.
Prominent during the early Clintozoic Era, rarely seen
later. A voracious, parasitic politisaur with thick ankles
and a double layer of cellulite along torso and limbs,
which contributed to heavy, slow moving characteristics.
Lived in a highly-evolved social order referred to
by paleontologists as a 'village.'
Length: Less than 2 meters
Weight: Up to 2 tons
Diet: Omnivore, but prefers human fetusites
Era: Clintozoic Era, PMS Periods
- Baby Ankelosaurus
- It took 20 years and a 'village' for a baby ankelosaurus
to grow to an adult. The only verifiable specimen
is 17 years old.
Length: 1/2 meter at birth
Diet: Acnegenic plants and fluids
Era: Clintozoic Era, pre-dated Harassment Period,
antedated Incarceration Period.
- Diceranewts [die-SERRA-newts]
- Order of the Republisaura, suborder of Gopacischia.
A stout meat-eater, falsely known as the two-horned face.
The influence of the 'newt was a critical factor in the
loss of Composeverisaurus' loss of dominance.
Could move at very high speed, much like a rhinoceros.
Despite its looks, it was a quiet and gentle animal
that roamed North America.
Length: Up to 2 meters
Weight: Up to 11 tons.
Diet: Omnivore
Era: Clintozoic Era, early and late Creepaceous Periods
- Composeverisaurus (KOM-poze-VER-i-SORE-us)
- Order of the Prevericatosaur. Very lizard-like, they were
one of the smallest characters among dinosaurs.
They were no bigger than the hen that pecked them;
known for eating their own species.
The most salient feature was a hammer-and-sickle-like
distinguishing characteristic.
Length: Up to 2 meters
Diet: Carnivore
Era: Clintozoic Era, late Harassment Period
- Pachylysosaurus [PAK-uh-LIES-oh-SORE-us]
- Order of the Algorischian, suborder of Arborisaurus.
Known for their thick bone of the upper skull used in
social interactions, territorial expansionism and defense.
Plant-eating, trunk-bodied, ornithocephalic; not known
for intelligence. Ornithocephaly is suspected to have
been caused by males' use their heads as a crash helmets
while fighting with other species.
Length: Up to 2 meters
Diet: Herbivore
Era: Clintozoic Era, late Creepaceous Period
- Reginasaurus Femminazicus.
- See Ankelosaurus.
- Soccrematrisaurs [SOCK-er-MAT-ri-sores].
- Order of the Anesthesiocephalus, suborder Robotica.
A dweller of 'village' social groups, 75% of 'soccremoms'
were believed to have been herded by Velocilyors (q.v.).
'Moms were distinguished by their care for their offspring
and were marked by their mini-veins.
Their brains were just the size of a walnut.
Length: Up to 2 meters
Weight: Widely varied
Diet: Velocivore.
Era: Clintozoic Era, all periods.
- Velocilyor [vel-O-si-LIE-yor]
- Order of the Media, suborders Anchora and Editora.
The velocilyor was swift, moderately smart, and equipped
with forked tongue, bloated ego, and baleen-like plates that
filtered out inconvenient material. Although no larger than a
wolf, the 'lyor was known for its ability to control vast herds
of Soccrematrisaurs. One of the most photogenic of the
politisaurs.
Length: Up to 2 meters
Diet: Conservivore
Era: Clintozoic Era, all periods
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