Willie Wipes,
The Bill Clinton Campaign Promises
Bathroom Tissue!

Show your friends just what they can do with Bill Clinton's campaign promises, because, to paraphrase Rush,
Character is the tissue!

Keep one on your desk at work, right next to your Bill Clinton Legal Defense Fund collection box!

Willie Wipes are Algore approved! They're made without the cardboard tubes, because once you peel away all the layers, there are no core values!

Great for wiping the tears from your eyes when the camera catches you feeling too much of their pain!

Wait 'til you see who's behind the bar code!

* $10 signed and numbered

* We're sorry, the 15% cut for Dole supporters is no longer available.

* For a $1000 contribution, a portion will be sent to the Clinton Legal Defense Fund.

* For a $5000 contribution, your resumé will be forwarded to the Democratic National Committee.

* For a $100,000 contribution, you will be invited to spend a night in the Lincoln Bedroom of Washington, DC's, historic White House Resort!

Please specify preferred color:

• Misty-eyed Gray,
• Flowers-scented Lavender,
• Draft-dodger Yellow
• Pinko Red
• Whitewater Brown
• UN Blue, and...
• White Flag!
• ...but until you remove the wrapper, you never know what you're going to get!

Be sure to try our other products!

• Delicious Willie Waffles -- with nooks and crannies that cradle the melted hearts of liberal reporters.
• Bubba's Instant Flip-Flop Flapjacks -- no telling what's in that mix!
• Dr. Elders' scented hand and body lotions.
• Saint Hillary's Homemade Chocolate Chip Cookies -- Yum-Yum!
• Bill Clinton Legal Defense Fund collection boxes and cans. Available in various sizes (can opener included).
  • The Trojan foil packet -- for people who think a porous latex membrane is safer than abstinence;
  • The Zig Zag packet -- for ex-flower children who still inhale and prefer to roll their own;
  • The Pork & Beans lunchpak can -- for those who don't know what the Democrits in Washington are full of;
  • The Jello gelatin lunchpack cup -- for those with as much backbone as the President;
  • Nine-lives Catfood can -- for the candidate who has nine political lives;
  • The Crayola crayon box -- for children of the rainbow;
  • The Alpo Dogfood can -- for seniors who fear being tossed out onto the street;
  • The Energizer Bunny's drum -- For those who think the government can just keep on taxing, and taxing, and taxing...;
  • The Jordaire Shoe Box -- For the welfare kid who has enough cash to spend $150 on tennis shoes;
  • The Flowers pot -- For liberals who think money grows on Tries;
  • The pot flowers -- For the President's former supplier in college;
  • The David Letterman Big-Ass Ham can -- For those who love their government pork;
  • The Dominoes Pizza box -- For those afraid to go to certain parts of town;
  • The Safeway Shopping Cart -- for homeless advocates;
  • The Dumpster -- for supporters of expanded school lunch programs;
  • The Coal Delivery Truck -- for friends of Indonesian magnates.
  (Contents of food containers have been left in place as a bonus value! User may empty and consume contents should their entitlement program go bankrupt, or, less likely, someone actually wishes to make a contribution.)