Heston making an ultimatum. |
Actor Makes Offer Not To Be
Refused- Nawth Cahhlina (SPI) Brandishing a replica 19th century
musket, National Rifle Association President and erstwhile "Moses" Charlton
Heston spouted the classic rallying cry of the NRA: "You can take my gunn
from my cold dead hands!" The weapon held aloft was the kind invisioned
by by Constitutional framers over 200 years ago, an irony not lost on those
in attendance.
"Mr. Hur up thar knowed his musket frum his carbeen, that be fur danged shur," said lifelong member Cletus Fitzsimmons. Additionally, Mr. Heston noted that the 2nd Amendment's "right to bear arms" clause is what makes all other freedoms possible. When asked by this reporter if it was not just as likely to be 1st Amendment "free speech rights" that guarantees our freedoms, Heston leveled the musket at my eyes. "Damn you! Damn you to HELL!!" |
 Seated (L to R): Spi-Dogg, Del Love. |
Local Educator Kicks Some Amateur
A**!!-- Dallas, GA (SPI) Experience toppled exuberance
May 26th as professional Paper Football League Hall 0f Famer "Spi-Dogg"
trounced upstart rookie Del "Long Lost" Love, 100 - 77. The match,
held in East Paulding High School's cafeteria, took place prior to
graduation ceremonies, which were easily overshadowed by the game.
Spi-Dogg offered a simple explanation for the victory. "First, I'd like to thank my lord, savior, and defender of rights Bob Barr for making this possible. Second, Del really, REALLY sucked today. He wasn't focused at all. I think this gradution crap was a big distraction." In response, the first-year player rebuffed the victor's claims. "Well he sucks, too... A-hole... old man...." Additionally, the loser leveled charges of unsportmanlike conduct on the conquerer. "He kept flipping me off the whole freakin' game! He just claimed it was 'how we did it old school'. Right! Shooting birds is part of the way they played it back then? As if!!! It was taunting, pure and simple. The photographs will back me up on this." After the game, Love could be seen sobbing like a little school girl in the arms of his mommie. |
Sen. Orin Hatch (R-Utah) spots the person who wanted to vote for him
in the primary season.
Unfortunately, the supporters nap time interfered with her ability
to make it to the poles.
Spivey's
World: Archives: Missed something? Check
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