This is actually one of my biggest pet peeves in the entire world, not just clothing-wise. Very few blues look right with black, but navy blue is probably the worst offender of all. Please, if you only learn one thing from this page, or if you refuse to read the rest of it, understand that navy blue and black do not match under any circumstances. You know that I could probably go on at length here, but I refuse to elaborate any more on the obvious.

If you've ever turned the channel to TNN (the fabulous Nashville Network...I'm not even going to get started) you've probably seen this heinous offense first hand. If not, consider yourself one of the lucky ones. I would give my left hand to never see this disgusting display of idiocy ever again. Really, I would. I can't think of a more unattractive look, except if all those ladies walked around in JUST their precious cowboy boots.

I can't count the number of times that I have been walking to class, and my poor innocent eyes have bespied a pair of flabby thighs, exposed for the entire world to see. I'm not talking a little flab here, I mean ridicilous amounts of fat, shaking and jiggling. Super short-shorts are for the well-legged only. Please, for the love of humanity, spare the rest of us from your figure flaws. I wouldn't presume to wear skin-tight clothing, either, for a damn good reason. Annie doesn't think she can pull it off, and she has the decency to understand that not everyone in the world WANTS to see her prancing about in clothing that leaves nothing to the imagination. Have some pride in yourself. Wear what you can look good in, not what Kate Moss looks good in, because not many can wear that kind of stuff, alright, damnit?

I'm going to state for the record that I did not dig pleather when it was in, so as you can probably imagine, now that it is OUT as hell, I really don't like it. This is what pleather says: "I'm too cheap to buy real leather." And for many, including me right now, this may be the case. I would love to own many leather accesories, but my budget is rather restricted right now. So, what do I do? I DO NOT go right out and buy freaking fake leather. Skip it. I can spot pleather a mile away. It looks awful. It looks cheap, it feels cheap, and it gives a bad impression if you cross someone shallow and opinionated, like me.

I don't know quite what it is about the unshaven armpit that girls find attractive. I can't stand the feeling of hair in my armpits, and I shave them every single day. Yuck! So, right there I part company with the hippie girls, but, really, it's just so disgusting looking. Every girl that doesn't shave her armpits ALSO wears sleeveless shirts all the time to show off her hairy little demons. And she raises her arm as often as possible to show us all how she is going against the grain by becoming a person who cares not for personal hygiene. I guess I will concede that not shaving the armpits is a personal choice, but showing everyone else is unfair to those with weak stomachs.

There are a lot of people out there who are trapped in the 1980s. There is probably one in your school, or your office, and a few stragglers in your family. You know who they are instantly, the acid washed jeans scream "the Reagan years" to you. And, without a doubt, this person pegs his pants, and wears jean shorts with the rolled up leg. I can't think of a worse way to showcase the jean than this. Jeans are a fabulous thing, and jean cutoffs are also a wonderful leisure short. But, for christ sake, don't roll up the damn leg already. It looks just so retarded, and I swear to god I can't think of a better word for it. I wouldn't be caught DEAD in rolled up cutoffs. Really, not dead even.

I can't think of a better way to ruin the look of a nice suit than by throwing on a freaking baseball hat. This is mainly a fraternity phenomenon, and I've seen it a million times. Those poor boys are forced to dress up by their evil frat brothers, so to compensate, they don the ragged old cap, worn away by years of abuse and washings. The hats still smell badly, of course, because men smell like nothing else on this great earth. The funny thing is, these guys are thinking they look all fly and hot in their little outfits, but they just look like fucking assholes. I mean, more so than usual.

You see this all the time around the downtown area. Professional women are dressed up, wearing nice suits, or a dress (the new powersuit), and then your eyes wander down to see, ugh, TENNIS SHOES of all things. It's like, why dress up and then walk around in tennis shoes looking like a big old idiot. I know that high heels can be very uncomfortable. My advice, "SUFFER you whiny little bitches." High heels are not meant to be comfortable, they are meant to look good, and they usually do, unless adorned with sequins or colored gold. Life is full of pain and misery, so deal with it.

This requires little explaination. It's just an unwritten rule. And it's true. Wanna know why? Because most gay men know how to dress. They are truly fabulous like that. If only they could spread their skills about the world...

AHHHHHHHHHHHH! Every time I see this, I go mad. I turn into a crazed woman, who has to destroy people to get her message across. If one stupid fucking idiot who does this reads my words and no longer wears white socks with dress shoes, I will feel like I have saved the world. Hey, it's the little I can do to make the world a so much better place.

Everyone in the world is either a summer, fall, winter or spring. That's just the way it is. Find out what you are, and then what colors look good for your season. I am a summer. That means I wear clothes that complement my skin tone, eyes and hair color. These are blues and darker greens, and neutrals of course. When my hair is red, I can dabble a little into the falls, like browns and more tans. See, I know this shit. Everyone should know this shit. I can't count the number of times I have seen a summer wearing orange or a winter wearing yellow. This just does not work, people. I would never wear orange, because it looks horrible on me. If you are too lazy to go and find out your season, at least do this one thing when you ar considering buying an article of clothing. Hold up the fabric to your face, and look at how it makes your face look. If you look washed out and ugly (and I mean more so than usual) than chances are that color ain't working for you.