Abby woke up the next morning to the same thing she woke up to every single morning since she had moved out of Luka's and she was getting sick of it. The couple upstairs were having a fight. Again. It must be more serious this time as the yelling had risen a few decibels since yesterday. She groaned and rolled over to look at the clock. 7:30. She didn't have to be at work for another hour but with those two trying for the world record for the longest argument ever, it would be virtually impossible to go back to sleep.

She crawled out of bed and headed to the bathroom. She showered, dried and dressed, barely opening her eyes. She had been treating a motor cyclist who had been hit by a lorry well into the early hours of the morning and when she glanced at herself in the mirror she could tell that it had been a long night.

She headed into the kitchen and boiled the kettle and got a mug and a jar of coffee out of the cupboard and fished around for a tea spoon.

Yesterday at work had been strange. Carter didn't seem to be himself. He tried hard to put a smile on for the patients and the staff and it seemed to have worked, either that or everyone was too polite to say anything, but she saw through it, although she couldn't quite figure out what it was that was bothering him so much. She and Carter seemed to have a deep bond between each other, definitely more so than her and Luka, despite the fact that they had never been involved. She cared deeply for him and she got the feeling he felt the same about her but not in a romantic way. At least she didn't think it was romantic feelings of love she had towards him but she felt for him when he was upset and had always known what to say in the past to put his mind at rest. Which is why she felt so frustrated that she couldn't tell what was wrong.

She grabbed her coat off the back of the sofa and finished her last sip of coffee, placing the empty mug down on the counter as she headed for the door still thinking about John.

* * *

Carter found today even harder to cope with than yesterday. As February 14th drew closer and closer, his smile got more laboured and he found it harder to stay strong around the patients and put on a brave face for his co-workers. He wanted to talk to some one about his feelings but everyone seemed too busy and the last thing he wanted was to jeopardise patient care by dragging someone away from their duties.

He was sitting in the staff lounge staring at his empty paper cup which was long since emptied of coffee and was deep in thought.

He was trying to remember the good times he had shared with her. When they had both spent an evening running all over town to find the father of a young girl with a rare blood type and was desperately in need of a transfusion and, of course, when they had shared there first, and only, kiss.

A small smile played across his face when he remembered her first day at work at County. She was so full of life and eager to learn and it was tragic that her life was so violently cut short.

But no matter how hard he tried to think about the good times, he always came back to that life changing moment, for both of them. He remembered the jumble of emotions that he was filled with when the sharp pain of the knife being rammed into his back flooded his whole body; surprise, shock, anger. All of which were doubled when he fell to the floor and saw her frightened face staring back at him, pleading with him to help her. He wished he could have done more. He could have done more. If he had just paid attention to what he was being told about the patient and had just made one phone call to the psyche ward then she would still be here. He wouldn't have had to endure the pain and anguish of the whole event. He knew he was being selfish and he felt guilty but there was nothing he could do to quell those feelings that were bubbling through his surface. He wanted so badly to talk to someone.

Abby was looking at Carter through the small window in the door of the staff lounge. She had just arrived at work and needed to dump her coat in her locker before she started her nine hour shift. She reached out for the handle but hesitated when she saw the upset look on his face. She wanted to help but she didn't want him to think she was being nosy, and she might make everything that was upsetting him even worse if she asked him what was wrong. She was getting quite good at reading his emotions but she could not read minds. Her thoughts were jumbled and she couldn't think straight. He had that effect on her, even if it was just a simple decision like whether to have a Danish pastry or a doughnut. There was a conflict going on inside her over whether to talk to him and put is mind at rest or leave him in peace and give him some space to sort it out on his own.

She finally decided on the latter and walked away from the door to the admit desk to wait until he had vacated the doctors lounge. She didn't want to impose.

"Carter, we need you" came a call from the doorway as Kerry poked her head around the door.

"Be right there" he called back without turning his head.

John chucked his cup into the waste bin as he stood up and prepared to be strong again, having to push all the emotions he was feeling away while he carried on his days work. He was dreading tomorrow. If he felt like this now, imagine what it would be like in 24 hours. He closed the door behind him as he followed Weaver towards resus. He was needed and he would have to put all the thoughts to the back of his mind until he had finished saving a life.

* * *

Lucy floated along the ghost roads silently and in despair. There were lots of other lost souls floating along all around in similar anguish, all with some undisclosed unfinished business which they alone knew. None of them, including her, could rest in peace until they had carried out the task that was the soul purpose in their unlife.

So far she had not had an opportunity to tell Carter what she had to say but she had been watching. Watching him go on with his life without her and it made her hurt to see him so miserable at the moment. If she had a face, she would imagine it would be pale and exhausted. She felt for him and wanted more than anything to tell him what she really felt for him. Maybe he knew already, maybe he didn't but she would never know how he really felt towards her, all she could do was try and tell him what she needed to so she could finally move on. All she could do was try and that hurt.

* * *

Carter was thinking about her again. He was waiting outside for a hit and run patient to be brought in by the paramedics and he was imagining what it was like to be with her. They bickered loads when they were together and spent half of their time telling each other how annoying they were and how much they drove each other crazy, and the other half deep in serious thought or comforting each other after a particularly hard case. Acting like a couple without being together. Even if hospital policy hadn't of prevented it, he wasn't sure if they would have ever got together.

Back to negative thoughts. He wasn't even sure how he had got back to the upsetting memories but he had. Tomorrow was the day. In 15 hours, he would be a wreck. He was thankful that he had the morning off to compose himself, but visiting Lucy's grave would completely reverse any self control he had gained.

The ambulance pulled up to the automatic doors and Carter went over.

"What have we got?" Carter asked the paramedic as the doors to the vehicle opened.

"We lost him," she answered back.

"I'll call the morgue" he said to her and headed inside.

Someone looking on might think he was being cold hearted and insensitive but in the 8 years that he had worked at County General, he had learnt to put the energy you might waste on grieving the deceased into saving lives.

Back to thinking about her again.

He caught a glimpse of himself in the shiny glass doors and made himself a mental note to get some sleep. He looked tired and emotionally drained, which was exactly how he felt.

"Where are they?" asked Benton as he rushed towards the parking lot, "I was just paged out of a meeting"

"DOA" Carter replied simply and carried on. Benton caught up with him.

"Take a break, Carter" said Peter, "You must feel terrible"

This comment surprised Carter a little. No one had yet mentioned anything relating to the stabbing and he was relived now that someone had. He knew that Benton remembered the incident and was referring to it now and not just making an offhand comment about the way Carter looked. He had, after all, saved Johns life.

Carter took Benton's advice and sat down in the staff room a few minutes later. He was wiping his forehead with his coat, trying with all his strength to stop himself from loosing it. He sat up straight and turned his head around, searching for something to take his mind off her. He saw her old locker and burst into tears, letting all his emotions run free.

Abby had followed John towards the staff room and found herself standing at the window again, watching him. She had to go in this time and ask what was wrong, she couldn't bear to see him upset.

He turned his head around to face her and she could see the emotion on his red, tear streaked face pleading for her help.

"Carter?" she asked shyly as she stepped through the door way and walked towards him, "what's wrong?"

He could barely talk through his tears but he lifted his head out of his lap and managed to utter a single word.

"Lucy."

That name meant everything and she instantly realised what was wrong and cursed herself for not remembering. She sat down beside him on the old, grey padded seats and just stayed there, hugging him. They didn't need words. Her just being there with him made all the difference. He rested his head on her shoulder and they just stayed there for what seemed like hours.