When you start trying to live life fully, trying to live out your will and not just coast along at the lowest common denominator, you will eventually run into some potholes on the road of life. They're not insurmountable, but they can certainly bog you down, and if you aren't prepared for them and don't work on them when they show up, you can stagnate, backslide, stop moving - far more easily than you might think. I know. I've been there and done that. In the Storytelling cosmology, these are some of the major plot twists, the obstacles that the Hero/ine has to overcome to get to the Happy Ending. So since we all end up working on these, there's a set of jargon you'll hear us use, and it probably helps to have it defined.
The Shadow - In Wicca, and especially in Thalia, 'evil' isn't something separate in and of itself, but an imbalance of something else. When we start working on our 'dark side', then, we don't fight evil, we don't get out the swords and clubs and shackles and tie it down and bludgeon it to death. Instead, we refer to it as our Shadow, the Darkness against which our Light reflects, and instead of fighting it try to understand it, and by understanding, bring it into balance with the rest of ourselves and who we want to be. Generally, our Shadow is rooted in fear, and quite often in that unreasoning sort of fear that stems from childhood trauma. And traditional Wicca has a saying: "Where there's fear, there's power". Integrating our Shadow results from 1) admitting our Shadow exists rather than suppressing it, 2) learning how deep it goes, 3) learning what fears it is based on, and 4) healing those fears and hurts in order to bring the Shadow into balance with ourselves. Do you have a horrible temper? Admit it exists, learn just how very strong it is, learn what sorts of things you suppressed in the past that are backing the anger and giving it extra fuel, deal with and heal the fear, anger, and hurt at its root, and then turn the anger into strength, assertiveness, and wrath at true injustices. Now, mind you, that's MUCH easier said than done. But that's the sort of thing we're talking about here.
The Self-Hater - Do you ever have a little voice in the back of your head tell you you're worthless? That you're trying the impossible? That you look ridiculous? That you should be (quieter, smarter, thinner, prettier, more perfect)? Well, that's your Self-Hater; it's the internalized version of every 'don't' and 'shouldn't' and especially 'can't' that you've ever been told. It's the part of us that fights working with the Shadow. And, like the Shadow, it has to be transformed so that you can continue to grow.
The Guardian at the Portals - This is what the Self-Hater becomes when transformed. Instead of fighting against you, it becomes the fighter for you. "How dare she put you down that way? You're worth better than that!" "Oh, that's a terrifying memory - let's get through it so it doesn't hurt you anymore." Once you can make your inner voice work for you instead of against you, amazing things can happen.
- Cecylyna, based on Starhawk
And remember Thalia's favorite line...
Life is too important to be taken seriously!
© 1996 cecylyna@oocities.com
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