Chapter Seventeen
Nick allowed himself a few minutes of crying before he realized he didn't even know what he was crying over. He felt numb, no pain, no rage, nothing. Then he began to think.. have to call Haley and her parents... should probably call Brian. He went to find a phone, first dialing Brian, figuring maybe he could help him figure out what to say when he called Haley. The phone rang a few times before Brian picked up, out of breath.
"You alright, man?" Nick asked.
"Yeah, I was chasin' Tyke around the backyard, the little snot slipped out the door with LeighAnne while ago and wanted to play. Anyway, what's up with you? Ya sound kinda... I dunno... down or something." Brian said.
"Um, I'm the hospital..." Nick replied quietly.
"What? What happened? Which hospital?" Brian asked, concerned.
"Tampa General... Kerry was ... raped..." Nick's voice cracked, unable to finish his sentence.
"Oh god no... man, I'll be out there as soon as I can, hang tight, okay?" Brian was already running for the back door to tell LeighAnne.
Nick cleared his throat, "Yeah, I'm not goin' anywhere." He hung up and tried to remember Haley's cell phone number.
Haley was standing in line at Busch Garden's with Miah, waiting to board the train when she heard the cell phone ringing in her backpack. She immediately grabbed the phone, "Hello??" The static on the phone prevented her from hearing everything that was being said, but she caught enough to figure out what was going on. "Hay... it's Nick... hospital... Josh..." She grabbed Miah's hand, pulling her out of the line and began walking rapidly towards the exit. "Which hospital?"
"Tampa General."
"We'll be there in a few." Haley clicked the phone off, scooped Miah up and ran out to her car, heart pounding. Kerry had been right, apparently Josh was never going to quit.
"Aunt Hayhay, why'd we leave?" Miah asked, as Haley sped across Tampa to the hospital.
"A little something came up, babygirl. We'll go back another day, okay?" Haley said, trying to stay as calm as possible, and she hoped Miah hadn't been able to detect the waver in her voice. She grabbed Miah out of the car as soon as she'd hurriedly parked near the emergency entrance and walked briskly into the ER.
"Why are we at the hops-tal?" Miah asked.
Haley took a deep breath and set Miah down on the floor and knelt in front of her. "Momma.. had a little accident, but she's going to be fine. We're just here to see Nick and check on momma. Alright?" Haley hoped she was at least close to the truth, that whatever had happened hadn't been too bad.
Brian had quickly kissed LeighAnne and tried to tell her what Nick had said while rushing to get out the door. She told him to just go, he could call later and fill her in. As he drove to Tampa, well over the speed limit the entire way, he prayed for Kerry and for Nick. He knew how much Kerry meant to him, and couldn't imagine what he must be feeling right now. While flying down the highway he grabbed the phone, to call Kevin, AJ and Howie, knowing they'd want to help their little brother, too.
Nick was pacing around the ER waiting room after calling Kerry's parents house. He'd gotten no answer, but didn't really think it appropriate to try to explain the situation over the answering machine. He knew when they walked into the house and saw blood all over the carpet, they'd freak, he was just hoping Haley would know how to get in touch with them before that happened. He looked up when he heard someone calling his name, and saw Haley coming towards him. Immediately upon seeing Nick, Miah dropped Haley's hand and ran to him, arms out-stretched. Nick knelt on the floor and grabbed her into a tight hug, holding her to his chest and picking her up. "Hey Munchkin." he said quietly.
Miah looked at Nick, obviously scared, tears sliding from her light green eyes, and asked "Daddy, what happened to momma?"
Nick put her head on his shoulder and hugged her a little tighter. What was he supposed to say to that? He wanted to tell her everything was fine, Daddy had her and he was going to take care of everything. He felt, that basically, he had to take care of everything- had to hold it together for Miah and for Haley, be strong for them, and for Kerry. "Don't worry, she's gonna be okay, baby."
Miah sniffled "Okay" and hugged his neck.
Haley watched them, she wanted to ask Nick what had happened, but knew Miah needed his attention right now. She walked over him to hug him, wrapping her arms around him and Miah. She let go after a few moments, "Did you call mom and dad?"
"Yeah... but I couldn't get them, and I didn't want to leave a message like that on the answering machine." Nick said, sitting down in a lumpy chair with Miah on his lap rubbed her back lightly.
"I'll go give them a call." Haley kissed Miah's cheek and went off to the far corner of the room.
Nick asked Miah about her day, and tried to pay attention to her answers, but his mind kept straying to Kerry, wondering what was going on with her, back wherever it was they had her.
Brian ran through the doors of the ER, scanning the room for Nick. He saw him, sitting on a chair, Miah curled up on his lap, him twirling her curls. He looked unreasonably calm for someone whose girlfriend had just been raped. He walked over to him and sat beside him. "Hey Frack."
Nick looked at Brian, not really glad to see him. "Hey man."
Haley came over, looking a little more shaken up than she had before. "I called them.. they're on their way." She saw that Brian was there and figured Nick probably wanted to talk to him, so she picked Miah up of Nick's lap and said they were going to the gift shop.
Nick nodded, wishing Haley would have just left Miah with him. It made him feel better to hold her.
"That her sister?" Brian asked, unsure of what else to say. He didn't know what to do, how to react to Nick's calmness. He'd expected .... he wasn't sure what he'd expected but this wasn't it, the complete lack of emotion.
"Yeah, that's Haley." Nick replied, staring at a light fixture on the wall opposite of where he was sitting.
"They look alike..." Brian felt useless. He wanted to be there for Nick but didn't know what it was he was should be doing to let him know that. He knew Nick well enough to know that pushing him to talk wasn't going to get anywhere, so he sat in silence beside his best friend, praying again, for Nick, for Kerry and her family and for himself, to know what to do.
Nick winced when he heard two familiar voices calling to him and Brian. 'Fuck, anyone else gonna show up?' Nick thought when he turned and saw AJ and Kevin walking towards them. He stiffened when Kevin tried to hug him, he didn't want to be touched, he didn't want them to be there.
"Is there a Nick Carter out here?" a tall skinny cop asked, walking into the waiting room.
Nick turned his head, "Yeah, that's me."
"Can I have a word with you, Mr. Carter?"
Nick got up and went to talk to the cop while AJ dropped into the seat previously occupied by Nick and Kevin situated himself on the other side of Brian.
"Howie's out workin' on the condos... that's why he's not here." AJ said and then glanced over at Nick. "How's he doin'?"
"He seems awfully... calm." Kevin remarked.
"He is. It's weird- he has nothing to say, at all. He's just been sitting there, I don't know how long. Miah was sitting on his lap when I got here, they were talking. He's just, I don't know..." Brian replied.
"Probably hasn't hit him yet... doesn't realize what happened... but when it does, watch out." Kevin said.
Nick approached the officer, "What do you need me for?"
"I'm Officer Phipps, and I just had a few questions for you. You're the one that found her, correct?" Officer Phipps quickly drew out his notepad, ready to take notes on what Nick said.
"Yeah, I went to her parents house to check on her and found her. She'd said she'd be back quick, from going to pick up something for our... her daughter. And when she didn't come back after a couple hours, I got worried and went to check on her. And I found her in the living room and called the ambulance." Nick said, rubbing his hand across the back of his neck.
"Shoulda called us first, so we could have gotten pictures of the actual crime scene. Better evidence, guess we'll have to take whatever we can get now." Officer Phipps said as he continues scribbling notes.
'Shit.. didn't even think about that..' Nick ran his hands through his hair, and had to ask Officer Phipps to repeat whatever he'd just said.
"I asked if you could describe to me what you when you found Ms. Collins."
"Oh, yeah..." Nick tried to tell him everything he remembered from walking in the house, which wasn't that much, he'd been too horrified at seeing Kerry like that to pay attention to much other than wanting to get help for her immediately.
"Alright, thank you, Mr. Carter. I gotta go report to the station now." Officer Phipps shook Nick's hand and walked off to the nurses' station to find a phone.
Nick sighed, and headed back over to where the guys were sitting, and watched all three of them jump out of their chairs to give him a place to sit. "It's alright." he said, flopping down into a hard plastic chair across from them. He'd no sooner sat down when a short, squat older nurse chomping gum loudly came out into the waiting area asking for Nick Carter. he got back up and walked over to her, "I'm Nick."
Between chomps on her gum, the nurse said, "Mizz Collinz is askin' for ya."
Nick's heart began pounding and he had to remind himself to stay calm. Be strong for Kerry. "Where is she?"
"Follow me. They moved her to an observation room, after goin' through the rape kit on her." the nurse replied taking Nick down a maze of halls, before stopping in front of a room where a young doctor was walking out.
The doctor stuck his hand out for Nick to shake, "Hi, you must be Nick. I'm Dr. Mullins, I've been checking on Kerry. We went through the rape kit on her- did all the tests, and gave her emergency contraception. She's doing pretty well, considering... she's bruised pretty bad, not the pretty face you're used to seeing... she's got a concussion and four cracked ribs- not real serious though, could have been much worse... those things and the usual vaginal abrasions of forced intercourse, she's in fair shape."
Nick felt a cold chill run through his body when Dr. Mullins said "forced intercourse". He shook his head, 'fair shape- a concussion, cracked ribs, bruises - fair shape... whatthefuckever'. He walked slowly into the room, to see Kerry laying on the bed- pale, both of her closed eyes blackened, scratches across her face, bruises along her arms obviously from being grabbed and held too tightly. He sucked in a shaky breath as quietly as possible and pulled a chair up beside the bed. He reached to touch her hand, but pulled away, realizing he'd probably scare her. "Kerry, baby.. it's Nick.. I'm here." he said quietly.
"Don't call me that." Kerry opened her eyes slowly, adjusting to the flourescent lighting in the room.
"Don't call you what?" Nick asked thinking, 'Haven't been in the room a full minute and I've already done something wrong.'
"Baby.. he said that..." Her voice was low, vacant, not even sounding like herself.
'Okay- note to self, find something new to call her.' He tried to say he was sorry, but choked on the words before they even left his mouth. He was sorry- sorry he'd done anything to remind her of him, sorry he'd somehow allowed her to end up in this position. He didn't have a chance to say anything before Officer Phipps appeared again.
"Miss Collins, hello again. We've got the tests going in the lab now and results are going to be sent to the station, too. All we need now is to get the statement from you." he said.
Kerry turned her head, to look out the window. God, how many times were they going to make her talk about this? She'd told two doctors, a nurse, a case worker and now she had to tell it again to the cop.
"I guess I should leave," Nick said, standing to go.
"Don't leave." Kerry whispered, turning to look at Nick, pleading with him with her eyes.
Nick quickly sat back down, "I'm here. I won't go anywhere."
"Give me your hand." she said, and Nick slid his hand across the bed to touch hers lightly. She wrapped her fingers around just his index finger, holding tightly. "Where do you want me to start?" she asked Officer Phipps.
"Just start when the suspect entered the house." he replied, pen poised to start jotting notes.
"He's not a suspect, I know who he is." Kerry said.
"You're acquainted with the assailant?"
"Yeah, he's my ex-boyfriend, Josh Johnson."
"Oh, so there was a history... continue."
Kerry started with opening the door to him and told everything she remembered, each excrutiating detail- forcing himself in the house, how he'd punched, slapped, and kicked her, the actual rape, and what he'd said- everything from calling her baby to saying he'd kill her next time.
With every word Kerry said Nick had to fight the urge to run from the room, pretend he hadn't heard anything, that it had never happened. He felt sick, this was real- it wasn't just something he was hearing on the news- it had happened... to the woman he loved.
As Kerry finished up her story, Dr. Mullins returned to the room, saying he needed to check a few things again and that Officer Phipps and Nick would have to leave. Officer Phipps thanked Kerry and said he'd be in contact with her if there was anything else he needed. As soon as Kerry loosened her grip on his finger, Nick practically bolted from the room, desparate to try to get away from everything he'd just heard.
He walked slowly down the hall back towards the waiting room, his head swimming. He tried to ignore the wretching feeling in his stomach, but quickly realized it was no use. He ducked into the nearest bathroom, and fell to his knees in front of one of the toilets, throwing up until he was light-headed, feeling like everything he'd eaten in the past month had come back up. He pulled himself up off the floor, and went to the sink to rinse his mouth. He looked in the mirror, didn't even seem like himself he was seeing there. He knew he had to get back out to Miah, Haley, the guys who'd come there to support him. He didn't want their support, didn't need it, he was fine, holding things together on his own. He could take care of Miah, be there for Haley, her parents if need be. And he could be strong for Kerry.
Brian looked up from doing his Donald Duck impression for Miah to see Nick walking back into the room- looking only slightly better than Death.
Nick looked around, Haley and her parents huddled in one corner of the room, the guys and Miah in the center of the room.. all looking at him now. He felt like he should say or do something, but he didn't have the energy and didn't want to try. He flopped down across from the guys again, opening his arms to Miah as she scrambled off Brian's lap and over to him. He scooped her up hugging her close, her tiny hands the only touch he wanted to feel. Miah allowed him to hold her as long as he needed to, without squirming and returned his hug, her head laying on his shoulder.
"Which one of you is Nick?" asked a voice too perky for the situation.
Nick looked up to see a petite woman with dark brown hair glancing around to see who responded to her. He handed Miah back over to Brian, and crossed the room to talk to her. "I'm Nick."
"Hi Nick, I'm Marcie- one of the rape crisis counselors here at the hospital. Come on back to my office, we'll chat for a bit."
Nick followed her to a cheery looking room, hoping she wasn't going to try telling him that he needed to perk up, because he knew it just wasn't going to happen. He sat in one of the chairs, across from her desk and waited for what she had to say to him.
"It's just standard procedure here at the hospital that we try to talk to the people close to the victim, to encourage them to get talking, seek counseling if necessary to help them deal with what happened. Of course, Kerry is our main focus, but her family and you're her boyfriend, right?" She paused while Nick nodded, "You all are going to have alot to deal with, too, almost as much as she will... in different ways, of course. I thought I'd start with you, since the significant other's usually end up in a bad spot... getting too worked up over things. I wanted to tell you - not to really worry yourself over this, 90% of all relationships that experience a rape, don't last after it happens, it's too much of strain, so you likely won't be around much longer to worry about it anyway..."
Nick didn't need to hear anymore. He stood up to leave, but stopped at the door to say, "If it were 99 out of a 100 that broke up- we'd be the one that didn't. She needs me and I'm not going to leave her now, no matter what." He left the office, Marcie staring after him. He was mad now, no one was going to tell him what was going to happen with his relationship. He was going to stay with Kerry, through anything. He walked back out to the waiting room, and took the seat beside Brian, where AJ had been. "Where'd they go?" he asked, looking around for Kevin and AJ, not really caring they were gone.
"Took Miah to get a soda." Brian said, glancing over at him. "Frack, you know you can talk to me, right? I'm here for you.. whenever."
Nick clenched his jaw, he was tired of this already, people coming to be there for him, offereing help, giving him sympathetic looks. He didn't want it, didn't need it. He was doing just fine. "Yes, Brian, I know that. Now please leave me alone!" he said louder than he intended and got up and walked off towards nowhere in particular, just wanting to be away from everyone. He ended up down by Kerry's room again, and he looked in on her from the doorway. He thought about what he'd said to the counselor, that they'd be the exception to the rule. He knew it was going to be hard, going back to square one, starting over, rebuilding the trust. But he loved her, and was willing to do anything for her and that was all that mattered, wasn't it? He stopped thinking as a nurse brushed past him to hand Kerry a pill and a glass of water.
As Kerry took the glass form the nurse, she saw Nick out of the corner of her eye. She'd seen how fast he'd left earlier, hadn't said he loved her or anything before he left. She didn't want him to see her like this, she knew it had to be hard for him. But she still wanted... needed him to be around, to know that she wasn't alone. She motioned for him to come into the room and as he got closer, she noticed he didn't look so hot himself. "They said I can go home tomorrow morning, they're keeping me overnight for observation."
"Do you want me to stay with you?" Nick asked quietly.
"Please?" Kerry requested, reaching for his hand.
"Of course..." He started to say 'baby' but caught himself before the word actually slipped out of his mouth. He gently grasped her hand, rubbing his thumb over it. God, this was going to be hard.