Chapter Seven
Kerry woke up in the middle of the night, gasping for air. She could feel his hands around her throat- closing in, choking her. She jumped out of bed and ran to the window, quickly opening it and inhaling as much of the cool salty breeze as she could. His words were echoed in her head, "You don't deserve anything good. You're not worth anything... you're just a whore. You don't even deserve to live..."
She crossed the room and flipped on the lights, and looked at her dresser- the carefully arranged glass slipper and picture. She picked up the picture and looked at it. "This is real, the dream wasn't", she told herself. But she wasn't quite sure she believed it.
She didn't want to go back to sleep, for fear the dream would return. She grabbed her journal and sat by the window trying to compose her thoughts before trying to write. She realized things weren't suddenly going to become clear, and began to write, trying to scribble as fast as her mind was moving.
~~~~
I had the most awful dream about Josh tonight - he found out about Nick somehow- and came to remind me how worthless I was. God, I remember the stuff he used to say, the way he said it, and the way he used to come after me and rough me up- so well. I still can't shake the feeling I woke up with- him trying to choke me... like he did the night I broke up with him. It scares me that it's all still so vivid to me. I think it scares me even more that almost four years later- I'm still dreaming about it- won't it ever go away?? I don't want this for the rest of my life!!
And Nick... I have no idea what to do about him. I like him.. alot. And I think that's the problem... or the reason this is happening maybe. 'Cause I know, it sounds crazy to say that already, but I know I could love him. But I can't. I'm afraid to... just scared to get involved in anything even though it may be really good, because I just know something would go wrong. And I'm scared that I'm going to be like this forever- too timid to try anything, afraid my heart will get broken, that I'll get hurt.
I want to fall in love.. be in love... I want it to come to me as naturally as breathing... something that just happens... not something I fear.
Maybe I'm not ready to try anything now. Maybe I never will be. I hate to let him go, I swear he's everything I think I want... which surprises me right there- I've known him how long? But something about him tells me, he's for real. Like I know he wouldn't be like Josh was- he's just not like that- in anyway. I really don't think he could hurt anyone if he had to. I mean, if he never hit his ex-girlfriend after all the shit she did to him, I know he wouldn't try anything on me, God knows I'd never treat him like that. But he doesn't need someone like me- too much baggage, too many issues... he can do so much better.
~~~~
She closed her journal, and curled up, her chin on her knees and stared out the window at the moon and let her tears fall.
***************
"He shoots... he scores!!" Nick yelled as his freethrow swished through the hoop. "Didja see THAT?? Nothin' but net!"
Brian grabbed the bouncing ball from under the net and held it for a second, just watching his bestfriend. He hadn't seen Nick this happy in ... he couldn't remember when. First it had been his relationship, Brian swore that girl was going to suck the life out of him, then when they finally broke up, he'd been so depressed, but this was classic Nick- the way he was suposed to be. "So tell me about your date yesterday. How'd it go?"
Nick stole the ball from Brian as he replied, It was awesome. Kerry and I had a great time, Miah had alot of fun..."
Brian cut him off, "Miah?"
"Oh yeah, her daughter." Nick jumped up and slammed the ball through the hoop.
"Daughter?!? How old is she??"
"Which one? Kerry's 20 and Miah's 4." Nick replied casually, picking up the ball and spinning it on his finger.
Brian just looked at him. "She's 20 and has a four-year-old?"
Nick recognized the 'Are you crazy?' look Brian was giving him very well. "Man, she's not like that... it's a long story..."
"I got all day." Brian said, following Nick into the house.
They grabbed Gatorade and sat on the deck, and Nick told Brian a very condensed version of Kerry's story.
Brian listened with almost as much disbelief as Nick had. It was such a foreign concept- how anyone could treat another person like that. "Nick, she's got... a history, bro. That's alot to deal with. You sure you really wanna go there?"
"B- you'd have to meet her, you'd understand why I do wanna try this. She makes me happy..."
"Yeah, I can tell, I haven't seen you like this in way too long. Just be careful, Frack, okay? For yourself and for her."
"I know. I don't want to get hurt again either. I just wish I had some clue as to what to do for her. y'know, let her know I'm not gonna hurt her... that she can trust me."
"You're gonna have to be patient, treat her with respect. If you really like her, which you seem to, your feelings are going to be obvious in your actions. Just let her set the pace of things, give her the time and space she needs. She'll see how you feel, and will, most likely, return those feelings." Brian advised.
"I really do like her... and I hope she does feel the same... I'm willing to wait for her, too... as long as she needs me to..." Nick said quietly.
Brian smiled at his friend, "She'll appreciate that."
*********
"Kerry?? Are you ever gonna come out of there?" Haley yelled through Kerry's bedroom door. It was almost four in the afternoon and she had yet to see Kerry leave her room.
"No. Go away." Kerry replied, muffled by her pillow she'd been hugging tightly all day. She expected Nick to call, dreaded it because she'd decided what she was going to tell him.
"I will not go away. Open the damn door!" Haley punctuated her yell by kicking Kerry's door.
Kerry got up long enough to open then door then retreated back under her comforter.
"God! What is your problem?!? What happened yesterday??" Haley asked.
"Everything." Kerry said without looking at her sister.
"Everything? What does that mean?"
"It was a great day. I had so much fun, Miah was in heaven, Nick had a good time.. it was amazing." She said, and then motioned towards her dresser.
Haley's eyes followed her sister's gesture and landed on the picture of Nick, Kerry and Miah. "Wow, you guys are really cute together." Then she saw the slipper. "What's this?"
Kerry rolled over to look at Haley. "He called me Cinderella, and gave me that..." she whispered.
Haley looked at Kerry for a second, and said, "You know, you may want to hang on to him..."
"I so did not want to hear that!" Kerry wailed, and covered her head with her pillow.
Haley sat down on the edge of Kerry's bed, bewildered. For once she thinks a guy may not be a complete asshole and it's NOT what Kerry wants to hear? "Dude, I'm confused, Kerry. You wanna help me out here?"
"No. Go away." Kerry mumbled from under her pillow.
"You drive me crazy." Haley said, and walked out, closing the door behind her.
********
As soon as Nick was sure Brian was out of the driveway, he went to the phone to call Kerry. He couldn't wait to talk to her. He wanted to see if maybe she'd like to go out tonight, just grab something to eat and go down the the beach for a stroll when the sun went down.
He tapped his foot impatiently while the phone rang, waiting for her to pick up.
"Haley's Phone Sex Line, what can I do you for?"
Nick laughed. "Haley?"
"OHMYGOD." Haley blushed like crazy, even though Nick couldn't see her. "Hi. You weren't who I was expecting."
"With a greeting like that, I don't think I want to know who you were exxpecting!"
"Lemme get Kerry." Haley was anxious to end this conversation as soon as possible and hope she didn't see him face to face any time soon.
"Thanks."
Haley ran upstairs and poked her head into Kerry's room. "It's Nick."
Kerry looked at the phone, not wanting to pick it up. She reached for it slowly, taking a deep breath. "Hello?"
"Hey Cinderella." He smiled as he remembered the look on her face the night before when he'd given her the slipper. And then her calling him Prince Charming, so unexpected, but exactly what he wanted to hear.
"Hi." she said, unsuccessfully trying to fight the tears that were beginning to slide down her cheeks, and hoping she was doing the right thing.
Nick immediately noticed the usual warmth in her voice wasn't there. "How are you today?"
Kerry didn't know what to say. She couldn't exactly say she hadn't gotten out of bed yet, and had just been laying around planning and worrying about this moment all day. "Um, not so good..."
"Why? What is it? Is there anything I can do?" he was concerned, wanting to do whatever he could to help.
"Nick, I can't see you anymore. I'm sorry. Thank you for everything. Goodbye." she said, barely above a whisper and then hung up.
He stood in the middle of his bedroom, staring at the buzzing phone in his hand, feeling his heart break.