It was almost here.
He stared out the bus window, lost in an ocean of thoughts. Memories, wonders, contemplations…it was all there. All jumbled up in his troubled mind. It was dark. Just a few moments...
He glanced at the clock. 11:54. So close…
‘Three years…’ he thought sullenly. ‘What could have happened…?’
It had been three years since her attempt. They never even knew how she died. All they knew was that it was suicide…and because of him. He realized his mistake…too late. His parents, he knew, would never forgive him for what he did. Neither would Jessica’s parents. Her friends never talked to him again. His mind would spin wondering what would have happened if he had just said, “I’m sorry.” But it was no use dreaming. It was all just a bunch of liquid dreams.
All the others were asleep. He couldn’t. That very coming day was the anniversary of the incident, and the guys knew not to expect much out of him. The dark room was silent as he thought- and listened to the soft sounds coming out of the CD player’s speakers. He considered it “his” song. It seemed to fit perfectly…even in this chaos he called life.
I try to pick the pieces up,
And I can’t think of startin’ over
We used to share the stars above
I don’t wanna think of change
But now I gotta move on
I gotta catch up to the world
Even though I gave you my life
As wrong as it seems I know is right
The blonde listened particularly to the next few lyrics, relating to them the most…
But is there a place that I can go away
To escape the love that I will forever know?
Where can we go from here?
All I know is that I love you still…
Sometimes we do things against our will…
I know I cry lonely tears…
Where can we go from here?
He didn’t even bother wiping away his tears. She needed to know…she had to know that he loved her.
Why? Why do I cry inside
For love that’s gone away…?
How? How can I carry on
When I know all the love is gone…
Tell me where can I go to get away
From the pain of loving you…
It was a coincidence that it was by Brian Littrell from the rival band.
“Lance? God don’t tell me you’re listening to that song again.”
He sniffled. “Sorry,” he said quietly, listening intently to the music flowing out of the small box.
JC rubbed his tired eyes and sat next to his friend. “Lance…I don’t know how many times I tell you- don’t do this to yourself. She’s…” he searched for the word, “she’s in a better place.”
“Sometimes I wish,” Lance said, barely above a whisper, ignoring his friend. “Sometimes I wish she was here. Maybe we could still be happy?” He bit back a sob. He couldn’t. Not now.
JC shook his head and put his arm around the blonde. “Lance. Get off of it. I know I sound harsh, but it’s for the best. You didn’t know.”
“But I should have.”
His blue eyes went heavenward. ‘Not again…’ This was the sixth time he had said that when they had this conversation. “Lance, I’m your friend. Listen to me. She’s in heaven, where she belongs. You can make her happy and live your life.”
Lance raised his dull green eyes to JC and whispered shakily, “What if I don’t want to?”