Received 12.02.2000

Dear Closet Atheist,

I'll start by telling you that it took me about 4 years to come to the conclusion that a god existing is ridiculous. I think about it all the time. I think people made up religion to 1) explain the unexplained, and 2) for security. To explain the second one, I believe that people made up religion, or at least the heaven and hell aspects of it, because they 
do not want to accept the death of a loved one, that they will see them when their life ends. Now, I will tell you, I had one of my closest friends die in September (I had made the decision that god did not exist before this happened). I would love to tell myself I will see her again, but that fact is that I will not. I do not want to accept this, but I must. I will not 
stand for a false sense of security.

To get to my main point, I think people will look down upon me if I let my views be known. I have friends who I like very much, heated arguments could occur. But, keeping this all in really boils me up. People are so wrong, so stupid, so egotistical, it bugs the hell outta me, and I know I can never change their views. I don't know how much longer I can keep 
it in before I just bust out in public once someone makes a reference to their faith in god.

Any help or comments?

Much appreciated,
Will

My Reply:

Will,
It is easy to believe in God. It is comforting and makes us feel important. Who doesn't want to believe that we are the creator of the universe's most cherished creatures! The entire universe, billions and billions of stars, was created just for Christians, a fraction of the people on a single planet! We will live forever! When you die, things will just get better!

On the few occasions were I have tried to comfort someone who has lost a loved one, I have had to fight the compulsion to tell them that things are better for the departed. It is a difficult time and there is nothing one can say that will be comforting. You know first hand how such a tragic event causes one to turn to hope for the afterlife.

As far as the problem with your friends, let your feelings be your guide. Religion or lack of it, is a very personal thing. Announcing your ideology to casual acquaintances may make them uncomfortable and some of them may take it as a challenge to convert you. It is not necessary to declare you are an atheist to speak your mind accurately. For example, if someone tells you about a miracle they heard about, point out what really might have happened other than divine intervention. 

For people you are close with, examine your motives. Do you want to tell them so you can be openly critical of their beliefs? If so, you're better off not saying anything. If you want to tell them because keeping it a secret makes you feel insincere, then it is probably the right thing to do. Let them know that you have something important to say and be honest about your fear that it will hurt your friendship. Tell them that you respect their beliefs and hope they can respect yours. 

One last thing, don't let others' religious beliefs make you angry. You are right that you will probably never change anyone's views, but a soft spoken, respectful critic is less likely to receive a defensive response.