Received 12.30.2001

While searching for other Atheists in Arkansas, I ran across your website. It's great. Living in the Bible Belt has been extremely challenging for me. I have two young sons, and we homeschool. Unfortunately, we are once again in the minority. My sons are constantly dealing with their Christian friends. I've heard so many conversations about Jesus. I will say that I'm rather proud of the way my sons respond. First of all, they are only six and eight, and I'm not sure they are ready to decide what they think of the world and all the "big" questions just yet. We talk about different religions, but the main goal I have at this age is to teach tolerance to my sons. I thought I'd share some of the comments made by my sons to their faithful friends.

One time, a friend started talking about Jesus and telling my son why he should believe. This friend went on and on. Finally, my six year old blurts out "Yeah right, Jesus is up my butt." Normally, I would be horrified to hear something like this come out of my sweet little boy. However, I just bit my tongue, and let the conversation go on.

Recently, two Catholic friends were over. Somehow Jesus came into the conversation. My sons were asked again if they believe and why not. The friend says, "well you are going down there, ya know." My son says "where's down there?" He has no concept of what hell means. My older son responded that he thought he liked Buddhism better than Christianity although he wasn't sure he was one of those people either.

Life as an Atheist in the Bible Belt can be hard, much harder than other states. I've lived all over the country, but I have never experienced religion like I have here. It's just good to know that I'm not alone out in the world. Thanks for your site!

Wendy

My Reply:

I know from the letters I receive that many atheist parents struggle with how to raise their children so they will approach the topic of religion with tact when discussing it with others.  While I'm not entirely certain telling someone that "Jesus is up their butt," qualifies, I have to give your son credit for defending himself and having a sense of humor.

Children have no idea what a sensitive and loaded issue religion can be.  Children in atheist families face the extra challenges of deflecting criticism from those who assume they are evil or Satan worshippers, they must resist conversion attempts from adults and children alike, and deal with adults who tell them they are going to hell.  I think it takes an involved parent and smart child to keep from being confused.  It sounds like your family has both.

Atheist parents seem to do a better job of making their children aware of the world's religious diversity, as you have done with your sons.  Perhaps this is because to an atheist, all religions are more or less equal.

A woman once wrote to me and asked if I was going to make an effort to expose my daughter to different religions as she was growing up so she could make an informed decision for herself about God.  I responded that I probably would, but didn't necessarily feel any obligation to do so.  I asked if she had done the same for her children.  Her response was:

"No, our family is Christian."

By default, atheism is presumed to be the wrong decision and extra effort is required to make sure your children really want to be atheists.  Christians, on the other hand don't feel this need and will declare that their children are Christian at birth.  They will baptize them as infants and have them make their first communion before they are 10.

Below is a related letter from a young man who felt pressured by peers and family to complete the sacrament of Confirmation even though he is an atheist.

8.27.2001 A young atheist has just completed the Catholic ritual of confirmation, where "conscious adults" choose to become full members of the church.  The problem is that the ritual is typically performed at the age of 13 and it is an expectation rather than a choice.

Wendy, thanks for writing.