Dear Mr. Gates:

 

 

 

 

.............

 

Date:  Thu, 27 March 2008  10:04 WesternIndonesiaTime

Subject:  Not About Blame Game

 

 

 

 

 

Recently I realized that the main objection toward these letters is the worry from certain people that I wrote all these just to blame others. So I herewith clarify that these letters are not about blame game, not about blaming others for my own good. Instead, I wrote these to find my own mistakes in the past that could have caused some disasters.

Actually in the opening of these letter, in the first letter of "Closing the Window of Disaster", I have mentioned about it. In the third paragraph I mentioned: "By developing this homepage of “Closing the Window of Disaster”, it would hopefully become like a wish that I would never become a trigger to certain huge disasters anymore........."

In that sentence it is clear that my concern is not about blaming others, but about wishing that I would never become a trigger to certain huge disasters anymore.

Also in my other letter of "Not About Denying My Failure", I have mentioned: ".................my admitting about doing the mistake of not utilizing the good opportunity given by Nita, therefore she later on switched her love to someone else, to another person who then became her boyfriend........"

So this is about searching for my own mistakes, to make sure when my time has come to move to the eternity, I can go as clean as I can, and also not as a trigger of disasters.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

.............

 

Date:  Thu, 27 March 2008  10:21 WesternIndonesiaTime

Subject:  Avoiding Myself from Becoming the Cause of Divorce or Break Up 

 

 

 

 

Wednesday 5 March 2008, my former supervisor at American Express, Mr.Wardy, sent me an e-mail mentioning: ".........he is the younger brother of Rahma Sarita's ex-husband......"

It stunt me to read the words "ex-husband" behind the name of Rahma Sarita. What could have gone wrong? What did I do? Is the divorce has anything to do with me?

There have been some other divorces before, that made me feel like related with my self, of other women, but most of it were about the women whom I never got acquainted, so I could easily deny it by telling to myself that it had nothing to do with me, they did not know me in person.   

But this Rahma Sarita, I had acquainted with her in 2001, and proposed her, ........so, does the divorce related with myself?

I tried to deny it by thinking that it could be just a mistyping by Mr.Wardy. Or he was just trying to make me contact her, then I would be accused of disturbing someone's wife, and I would get "punked", like on MTV. 

Friday night, 21 March 2008, three favorite programs on three different TV channels were having the moments when all of them were seemingly reminded me about this divorce case of Rahma Sarita. At TV-One, in the program of "Republik Mimpi", there was the moment when the hosts and the audience were singing a song of Ahmad Dhani with the lyric: ".............God please send me a lover who is kind to me, who loves me for what I am.........".

Then when I switched the channel to TV-7, at that moment was an interview in the program of "Empat Mata" whereas the host Tukul Arwana was interviewing Tessa Kaunang and her husband. These couple were known as having a "sudden and rather secret marriage" recently, somewhat like what had been done by Rahma Sarita in 2001.      

I switched the channel again, to Indosiar. The program was "Superstar Show", a singing contest, and at that moment there was a girl who cried after one of the participants, Rina, sang a song of Slank, "I can't get faraway from you............". The girl was weeping because it reminded her with her failure to keep a good relationship with the man she loved.

All those three channels were like reminding of Rahma Sarita, when she asked God to send her someone to prevent me from approaching her, then she went through a sudden and secret marriage, and now she failed to keep her marriage with someone she loves.

I immediately turned off the TV, laid my self on bed, contemplating what is really going on with me. A few minutes later, I remembered about Paris Hilton, she has just developed a relationship with Benji Madden, if all of a sudden she broke-up with him, I could be blamed as the cause of their break-up. So I immediately pulled all the paintings of my bedroom wall, since most of those paintings were about Paris Hilton.     

I have also written about this Rahma Sarita case to Mr.Wardy, but he still give no answer.

I wish I will never become the cause of any divorce or any break-up in the last moments of my life in this world.

Maybe this is another test from God. By the guidance of God, maybe Rahma Sarita will soon accept me to enter her life more than ever, to test me whether her love for me will make me cancel my consent to move to the eternity. I wish I will never cancel my consent to move to the eternity, as a part of my deepest love to God.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 


 

 

Thank's,

A.M. Firmansyah

amfirslog@yahoo.com

Tel. +62812 183 1538

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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