Last Updated: 22/03/97
I WILL NOT YELL "FIRE" IN A CROWDED CLASSROOM
I WILL NOT WASTE CHALK
I WILL NOT SKATEBOARD IN THE HALLS
I WILL NOT BURP IN CLASS
I WILL NOT INSTIGATE REVOLUTION
I DID NOT SEE ELVIS
I WILL NOT DRAW NAKED LADIES IN CLASS
I WILL NOT CALL MY TEACHER "HOT CAKES"
THEY ARE LAUGHING AT ME, NOT WITH ME
GARLIC GUM IS NOT FUNNY
I WILL NOT XEROX MY BUTT
IT'S POTATO, NOT POTATOE
I WILL NOT FAKE MY WAY THOUGH LIFE
TAR IS NOT A PLAYTHING
I WILL NOT TRADE PANTS WITH OTHERS
I WILL NOT DRIVE THE PRINCIPAL'S CAR
I WILL NOT DO THAT THING WITH MY TONGUE
I AM NOT A 32 YEAR OLD WOMAN
I WILL NOT PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO BART
I WILL NOT SELL SCHOOL PROPERTY
I WILL NOT CUT CORNERS (followed by:) " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " (etc...)
I WILL NOT GET VERY FAR WITH THIS ATTITUDE
I WILL NOT MAKE FLATULENT NOISES IN CLASS
I WILL NOT SELL SCHOOL PROPERTY
I WILL NOT BELCH THE NATIONAL ANTHEM
I WILL NOT SELL LAND IN FLORIDA
I WILL NOT GREASE THE MONKEY BARS
I WILL NOT HIDE BEHIND THE FIFTH AMENDMENT
I WILL NOT DO ANYTHING BAD EVER AGAIN
I WILL NOT SHOW OFF
I WILL NOT SLEEP THROUGH MY EDUCATION
I AM NOT A DENTIST
SPITWADS ARE NOT FREE SPEECH
NOBODY LIKES SUNBURN SLAPPERS
HIGH EXPLOSIVES AND SCHOOL DON'T MIX
I WILL NOT BRIBE PRINCIPAL SKINNER
I WILL NOT SQUEAK CHALK
I WILL FINISH WHAT I STAR&emdash;...
"BART BUCKS" ARE NOT LEGAL TENDER
UNDERWEAR SHOULD BE WORN ON THE INSIDE
THE CHRISTMAS PAGEANT DOES NOT STINK
I WILL NOT TORMENT THE EMOTIONALLY FRAIL
I WILL NOT CARVE GODS
I WILL NOT SPANK OTHERS
I WILL NOT AIM FOR THE HEAD
I WILL NOT BARF UNLESS I'M SICK
I WILL NOT EXPOSE THE IGNORANCE OF THE FACULTY
I SAW NOTHING UNUSUAL IN THE TEACHER'S LOUNGE
MY NAME IS NOT DR. DEATH
I WILL NOT CONDUCT MY OWN FIRE DRILLS
FUNNY NOISES ARE NOT FUNNY
I WILL NOT SPIN THE TURTLE
I WILL NOT SNAP BRAS
I WILL NOT FAKE SEIZURES
THIS PUNISHMENT IS NOT BORING AND POINTLESS
I WILL NOT DEFAME NEW ORLEANS
I WILL NOT PRESCRIBE MEDICATION
I WILL NOT BURY THE NEW KID
I WILL TRY TO RAISE A BETTER CHILD (written by Marge during the episode)
I WILL NOT TEACH OTHERS TO FLY
I WILL NOT BRING SHEEP TO CLASS
A BURP IS NOT AN ANSWER
TEACHER IS NOT A LEPER
COFFEE IS NOT FOR KIDS
I WILL NOT EAT THINGS FOR MONEY
I WILL NOT YELL "SHE'S DEAD" AT ROLL CALL
THE PRINCIPAL'S TOUPEE IS NOT A FRISBEE
I WILL NOT CALL THE PRINCIPAL "SPUD HEAD"
GOLD FISH DON'T BOUNCE
MUD IS NOT ONE OF THE 4 FOOD GROUPS
NO ONE IS INTERESTED IN MY UNDERPANTS
I WILL NOT SELL MIRACLE CURES
I WILL RETURN THE SEEING-EYE DOG
I DO NOT HAVE DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY
I WILL NOT CHARGE ADMISSION TO THE BATHROOM
I WILL NEVER WIN AN EMMY
THE CAFETERIA DEEP FRYER IS NOT A TOY
ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES BART A DULL BOY
I WILL NOT SAY "SPRINGFIELD" JUST TO GET APPLAUSE
I AM NOT AUTHORIZED TO FIRE SUBSTITUTE TEACHERS
MY HOMEWORK WAS NOT STOLEN BY A ONE-ARMED MAN
I WILL NOT GO NEAR THE KINDERGARTEN TURTLE
I AM NOT DELICIOUSLY SAUCY
ORGAN TRANSPLANTS ARE BEST LEFT TO THE PROFESSIONALS
THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE DOES NOT END WITH HAIL SATAN
I WILL NOT CELEBRATE MEANINGLESS MILESTONES
THERE ARE PLENTY OF BUSINESSES LIKE SHOW BUSINESS
I WILL NOT RETRANSMIT WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL
FIVE DAYS IS NOT TOO LONG TO WAIT FOR A GUN
BEANS ARE NEITHER FRUIT NOR MUSICAL
I AM NOT THE REINCARNATION OF SAMMY DAVIS JR.
I WILL NOR SEND LARD THOUGH THE MAIL
I WILL NOT DISSECT THINGS UNLESS INSTRUCTED
I WILL NOT WHITTLE HALL PASSES OUT OF SOAP
RALPH WON'T "MORPH" IF YOU SQUEEZE HIM HARD ENOUGH
ADDING "JUST KIDDING" DOESN'T MAKE IT OKAY TO INSULT THE PRINCIPAL
"BAGMAN" IS NOT A LEGITIMATE CAREER CHOICE
CURSIVE WRITING DOES NOT MEAN WHAT I THINK IT DOES
NEXT TIME IT COULD BE ME ON THE SCAFFOLDING
I WILL NOT HANG DONUTS ON MY PERSON
I WILL REMEMBER TO TAKE MY MEDICATION
I WILL NOT STRUT AROUND LIKE I OWN THE PLACE
THIS IS NOT A CLUE... OR IS IT?
"BEWITCHED" DOES NOT PROMOTE SATANISM
THE GOOD HUMOR MAN CAN ONLY BE PUSHED SO FAR
I DO NOT HAVE THE POWER OF AUTHORITY OVER FIRST GRADERS
I WILL NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT THE SOLUTION WHEN I HEAR IT
I WILL NOT MOCK MRS. DUMBFACE
THE FIRST AMENDMENT DOES NOT COVER BURPING
NERVE GAS IS NOT A TOY
I WILL NOT USE ABBREV.
NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR FROM MY ARMPITS
I AM NOT A LEAN MEAN SPITTING MACHINE
THE BOYS ROOM IS NOT A WATER PARK
INDIAN BURNS ARE NOT OUR CULTURAL HERITAGE
I WILL STOP TALKING ABOUT THE TWELVE INCH PIANIST
WEDGIES ARE UNHEALTHY FOR CHILDREN AND OTHER LIVING THINGS
I AM NOT CERTIFIED TO REMOVE ASBESTOS
I WILL ONLY DO THIS ONCE A YEAR
THE TRUTH IS NOT OUT THERE ...

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