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Humour

"Proofs"

Let a = b. Then a² = b², and (a-b) = (a²-b²) = 0
Now, (a-b)² = 0 and a²-b² = (a+b)(a-b).
Therefore, (a-b)(a-b) = (a+b)(a-b). Cancel (a-b). Let a = 1. Then 2 = 0.
Let the number of positive integers (not including 0) = A
Since there is an obvious bijection from the positive integers to the integers not including 0, the number of integers (not including 0) = A
But for every positive integer, there is a negative integer. This means that the number of integers (not including 0) = 2A.
Therefore, 1 = 2.

Combining the above results, 1 = 2 = 0
By adding n to both sides of the second result, all integers are equal to 0.

Poor Physics Jokes

(I'd like to point out that I know this is a tautology)
A neutron is walking home one night after a hard day's work down the lab. It's feeling in need of a drink, so it stops off in a pub on the way and orders a pint, reaches for it's wallet and asks the barperson what the damage is.
barperson:
"You're a neutron, right?"
neutron:
"Yes I am."
barperson:
"No charge!"
The following night, Heisenberg had been working late, when he suddenly realised he'd promised his wife he'd be back for dinner. He leapt into his car and belted off down the motorway. Typically, just this once there were some speed cops around, who pull him over.
policeman:
"Have you any idea how fast you were going back then, sir?"
Heisenberg:
"No, but I know exactly where I was!"
Who said physicists had a sense of humour?
I can't stand any more - take me back