Friday, March 10, 2000

flashback: now playing: always on my mind, pet shop boys

last night i started a tape for john pett out in hollywood, ca made up of a bunch of "redneck" tunes. i made a mention that i was putting together a tape of bumpkin tunes for friends and family and he and i started talking, so i spun one for him for making me smile so much over the week.

so here i am last night with this 20 lb. bag of tapes that have been completely neglected. all throughout the search i kept running into these tapes without labels, dubs from my junior high years. i started keeping them out and have vowed to check each one out.

i remember hearing a song i loved and starting the recording process smack dab in the middle of the tune, just to catch a fragment of its beauty. it's funny listening to the collage of these fragments. you never know if you'll get the whole tune, sometimes you pray you won't. it's also humorous hearing the djs to radio stations no longer in existence. in 6th grade we had an electric fence that interfered with my radio, so many songs have this nice "bbbrrrttt" reoccurring at regular intervals. ah, memories.

man, in junior high, i was a sap. it was that whole teenage, somebody love me thing, when your whole existence derived its importance through your social status and having a boyfriend was ultimately the most important thing. i was always single. don't get me wrong, there were guys i dug. as a matter of fact, i was a blubbering idiot for a few of them, crying myself to sleep for lack of their affection. case in point, billy kitchens, my first kiss. i was 12 years old and we had just began junior high. billy was really nothing special to the other girls, but to me he was the living end. so, let me tell you a funny story, the story of my first kiss, and why there were no more for 2 years.

i was in 4-H and our club was having one of those community center dance-type get togethers. each member of our group was allowed to invite one guest. all of the other girls in our group invited dudes from the "cool" group, me, i asked billy....and he said yes. i was so excited and really didn't know what to expect. i was 12 and rather inexperienced compared to the others. the night of the dance came and i did it up.....wore my pleated blue jeans, complete with red double belt (remember those? the ones that wrapped around twice), a red ribbed tank top, and a black miami vice style blazer. accessories: beads half black, half white and a mr. mister pin i had picked up at their concert......stylin'!

billy's mom dropped him off with his little sisters, azalea and deedee hanging out the windows. even at that tender age i was thrilled that he had kept his promise and not stood me up. the other guys invited, the "cool" ones, didn't show, and since the guys who belonged to our group where friends from grade school, billy was the hit of the show. by the end of the night every girl there was charmed by him, even our group leader.

at one point i was standing outside and my grade school friend, denise, told me that billy wanted to know if i would kiss him (how romantic), and i honestly was not sure how to respond...."i guess". the next thing i knew a whole group of kids had circled around us to keep our cover. the problem.....almost every girl there had a thing for him now. you know how easy it is to fall in love in junior high. well, he kissed me....for about 4 seconds. the end came when another girl put her hands between us and said that was enough. i was still reeling from the whole thing when i found out the horrible news....i had bit his tongue. apparently the jerk had caused me to bite down. well, he was really cool about it, but the story at school....april was a tongue-biter. the "how it happened" never surfaced, cause i wasn't one to point fingers. it's really funny actually.

after that experience i was lovingly teased. don't get me wrong, i was well-liked by my classmates, maybe that's why the teasing was so prolonged. the experience was enough to keep me from caring to try it again for awhile. at that point i liked boys, but i wasn't interested in being in anymore uncomfortable situations.....so i waited it out. it really wasn't so bad.

the end of my dry period came about the way it should have. salvation in the name of todd reynolds....a boy from a neighboring school, who never heard the story. a rather unplanned encounter, a rather unplanned occurrence, and i still remember the song playing....i remember you, skid row. how appropriate.

although i'm certain there was music playing when billy and i kissed, i couldn't even begin to tell you what it was.
posted by April Fraze 3/10/2000 01:50:46 PM| link

Thursday, March 09, 2000

last night i finished still life with woodpecker, thanks to rick for pointing me to this article from salon about robbins. if you haven't checked out robbins, i suggest you read the article and pick up one of his books.

robbins is new to me. i first heard about him at a cocktail party before christmas when i was visiting minneapolis, looking for a place to live. another roadside attraction was the first book i got, and i was completely enthralled. as soon as i was finished i headed to barnes and noble equipped with a gift certificate to pick out my next book. all i can say is "wow." i'm a picker....i pick sections out of books that begin to shape my thought proceesses and i re-read them frequently. site viewers over the past few weeks have gotten a glimpse at this behavior, and i hope that perhaps, in a way, it has benefitted you. i have one more closing point from still life with woodpecker, and it's worthwhile:

"When the mystery of the connection goes, love goes. It's that simple. This suggests that it isn't love that is so important to us but the mystery itself. The love connection may be merely a device to put us in contact with the mystery, and we long for love to last so that the ecstasy of being near the mystery will last. It is contrary to the mystery to stand still. Yet it's always there, somewhere, a world on the other side of the mirror (or the Camel pack), a promise in the next pair of eyes that smile at us. We glimpse it when we stand still." --Robbins

it's worth consideration. i know i've been in situations where i've loved a person, but there was no she-bang, the time together became monotonous and i figured i had lost my feelings for that person. i guess maybe it was simply the mystery that was lost. it makes me consider the high divorce rate of today. not too far back, just a few generations, marriage was viewed as a religious tie, a familial dedication...and marriages lasted longer. women had fewer opportunities to "make it" alone, as well. as choices became more and more prevalent, people began to see love in a different light. they could take it or leave it, so to speak.....it had to be perfect. i think people are opting for magic and mystery more these days, under the guise of love. the problem, as discussed in the book, is making love stay. people, it isn't going away on it's own. we are allowing it to slip away. love IS work, but it's work that pays off heavily in the long run. if you feel it slipping away, grab a hold of it and change its face!
posted by April Fraze 3/9/2000 11:23:13 AM| link

"The moon can't help it. It's only a fat dumb object, the pumpkin of the sky. The moon's a mess to tell the truth. A burnt-out cinder the color of dishwater; a stale gray cookie covered with scars. Every loose rock in our solar system has taken a punch at it. It's been stoned, scorched, golf-clubbed, and inflicted with boils. It's lovers have chosen this brutalized derelict, this tortured dustball, this pitted and pimpled parcel of wasteland as the repository of their dreams. The moon can't help it."

--from still life with woodpecker, tom robbins
posted by April Fraze 3/9/2000 10:55:38 AM| link

Wednesday, March 08, 2000

could someone please e-mail me and tell me how to archive? i cannot figure this out to save my life.....thanks!
posted by April Fraze 3/8/2000 10:39:45 AM| link

bear with me while i figure out how to archive this stuff. it is finally making some sort of sense, but i feel a bit ridiculous right now. geez, i can sometimes be a huge idiot.
posted by April Fraze 3/8/2000 10:15:56 AM| link

"How can one person be more real that any other? Well, some people do hide and others seek. Maybe those who are in hiding-escaping encounters, avoiding surprises, protecting their property, ignoring their fantasies, restricting their feelings, sitting out the Pan pipe hootchy-kootch of experience-maybe these people, people who won't talk to rednecks, or if they're rednecks won't talk to intellectuals, people who're afraid to get their shoes muddy or their noses wet, afraid to eat what they crave, afraid to drink Mexican water, afraid to bet a long shot to win, afraid to hitchhike, jaywalk, honky-tonk, cogitate, osculate, levitate, rock it, bop it, sock it, or bark at the moon, maybe such people are inauthentic, and maybe the jackleg humanist who says differently is due to have his tongue fried on the hot slabs of Liar's Hell. Some folks hide, and some folks seek, and seeking when it's mindless, neurotic, desperate, or pusillanimous can be a form of hiding. But there are folks who want to know and aren't afraid to look and won't turn tail should they find it-and if they never do, they'll have a good time anyway because nothing, neither the terrible truth nor the absence of it, is going to cheat them out of one honest breath of earth's sweet gas."

--from still life with woodpecker, tom robbins

i read this passage last night....a few times. it seems to me that a "real" person, according to the author, is living life for themselves. they are caving to their urges without surrendering to fear or pride or prejudices. i've tried to come up with some sort of commentary here, but i think the words are best left to speak for themselves.
posted by April Fraze 3/8/2000 09:33:09 AM| link

thanks, jonathan, for the really nice things you've said about my site......yours is pretty spiffy as well. folks, stop by and tell jonathan hello, he's a pretty smart guy with impeccable taste in music, and he may use the word "dig" as much as me. dig it?
posted by April Fraze 3/8/2000 08:41:08 AM| link

professionally (i dislike that word when i am describing myself), i am in a rut. my position currently involves making a lot of phone calls, digging for information on companies. it is tedious and requires a little internal drive. unfortunately, i don't have it. is it wrong to wish to be fired? anyway, i should be working out of my office by now, but my company is holding my computer until i submit the data. it makes it all the more frustrating,. because i am expected to drive to the city to make the phone calls (i have a long distance number), then come home to enter the data on my computer, which is my own and in no way connected to the company. my solution....stay home and goof off on icq or yahoo im with my friends. the result has been a lack of progress. do i care? no. that's the problem. is it wrong to wish for the finer life as a pizza delivery person?

today i vowed that i would get to town and spend my morning getting things accomplished, but i decided against that when i woke up. i did get up at 6:30 and try to do some work. i guess i thought that the money i would save in gas would compensate for the phone bill. of course, i am being raped by sprint right now, so i could be wrong. can you believe they actually put me into a plan that charges 30 cents/a minute? i've called and bitched...told the lady i felt like i was being duped and with the competitiveness of long distance these days they couldn't be serious. of course, their computers were being updated and they couldn't get into them right then. well, their computers were updating when i called to set-up a plan, so i never got it taken care of upon moving. these "generous" folks were "kind" enough to take care of it for me. i guess i should get them on the phone again, but sprint people, be warned. i will be requesting an entire audit of my past two bills. i feel entitled. it's one of those april vs. the establishment days, but aren't they all?
posted by April Fraze 3/8/2000 08:35:16 AM| link

sarah mcburnett, the owner of the bichon frise that was hurled into traffic after a fender bender in san jose, ca, was on the today show today. she described the vehicle of the offender as a black suv with dark windows, virginia plates and no markings on the back declaring the model of the vehicle. the humane society has offered a reward for information leading to the man who committed this horrible act.

this behavior sickens me. if anyone has any information, please contact your local humane society.
posted by April Fraze 3/8/2000 07:46:48 AM| link

Tuesday, March 07, 2000

my isp has been kicking me around for the past few days, so my blogging capabilities have been somewhat thwarted. not to mention that i have been carefully sifting through my personal life for a few days now. i'm on the edge of ridiculous, waiting to fall over. i laugh at myself now. sometimes i can be such a girl.

today i contemplated risks. they are just so....well, risky, right? so, should we avoid taking risks? it's a tough question to ponder. looking into the possibilities, there might be something calling to you, but the decision to pursue it rests on what you have to lose. a majority of the time the loss is only in pride. i say "give it up"!
posted by April Fraze 3/7/2000 11:44:27 PM| link

if you've mailed me and haven't heard back....i'm sorry. i am easily distracted. best wishes to everyone and give me time. i'll get to it.
posted by April Fraze 3/7/2000 02:10:04 PM| link

Monday, March 06, 2000

today i got my djembe, today i got my djembe, la la la! :-)

posted by April Fraze 3/6/2000 02:59:12 PM| link

i'm proud to be participating in the rec.music.gdead march madness pool. this is my first time, so i can't wait to see which team i get. this pool isn't for money, losers copy a show for their opponents. with all of the consolation prices, it should be a good deal for everyone. thanks, greg, for getting the ball rolling. go boilers!!
posted by April Fraze 3/6/2000 10:51:42 AM| link

icq: the key to procrastination. thanks brad and tad for adding me to your list of "victims", it is nice hearing from you. i think i'm going to like it here.......
posted by April Fraze 3/6/2000 10:30:40 AM| link

Sunday, March 05, 2000

it was about midnight and i was asleep. i come to at the sound of my father softly whispering, "sis, are you awake?" when i opened my eyes there was a little fawn laying beside me. it was so small, we were sure it had just been born.

i got out of bed and we woke mom and perry, so dad could tell his story. my dad works as a mechanic at a coal mine. while working the second shift one of the guys came in with the fawn. it was raining like crazy and the baby had washed up in one of the pits and had almost been hit by one of the dozers. the miners had looked around and were unable to find a mother. the baby didn't have much of a chance without it's mother.

we put together a makeshift bottle and fed the little darling before going back to bed. the next day perry and i watched tv with buttons and dad called the game warden. the warden said we could raise the baby. a task we were happy to undertake. by noon the first full day we noticed that buttons had taken perry and i as his parents. when we were sitting he would lay down, when we stood, so did he.

we kept buttons inside for the first week, then dad built a little place in the barn for him. once he was a little older we put him out to pasture with our friend's cows. he never jumped the fence. during deer season dad and danny (the owner of the cows) put a hunter's orange collar on buttons, who had now developed a bit of a rack and spray painted pet on both of his sides. once when i went to visit he jumped up and put his front legs on my shoulders. we could have broke out in a very strange version of the bunny hop, but i was a little freaked out. it's not everyday that a full grown deer jumps on you, and to be quite honest i wasn't sure if i wasn't being mistaken for a doe.

unfortunately buttons met his match in the name of another deer who decided he was some sort of competition. poor little guy.
posted by April Fraze 3/5/2000 11:43:17 PM| link

ode to skye

pretty girl with springy curls
flouncy skirt, mumbling something under her breath
"if it's important i'll say it loud enough to hear"
and i smile, knowing she will
also knowing i will hear

my partner in boogie
cheezed out, spinning, smiling
road trip anyone?
til we meet again
my darling dear
my sweet beautiful friend.

i miss you, skye! come visit!

posted by April Fraze 3/5/2000 11:03:45 PM| link

boo!!
posted by April Fraze 3/5/2000 08:00:48 PM| link

aries
sunday, march 5.2000

there's a new moon, with the sun and moon both in pisces. if you feel a tad introspective, don't worry. you may want some quiet time, and that's ok. relax and let your thoughts swirl. review recent events. don't try to rush into whatever's coming next. let the last lesson sink in first.

--from excite horoscopes.


posted by April Fraze 3/5/2000 07:48:59 PM| link

another glorious day of sunshine. thanks to jeff and cindy for the alternate route suggestion. i cruised from winona to red wing via 61 and took in the thawing mississippi river.

i actually went out last night and took in a show with some of the winona kids....if any of you are reading this: it was a pleasure to meet you all. danced, chatted, and got completely annihilated....note to self: 5 beers is the new limit. i certainly exceeded that last night. i had a great time, but i happen to wonder if i remember everything. oh well, guess it isn't so bad once in awhile.

kyra and i did our walk around the neighborhood when i got home. i would have loved to have made it to a park, but it was beginning to get late. when we got back, the neighbor was out and he gave me a start off of his aloe vera plant....yeah! i just love getting new greenery. i also potted the starts of swedish ivy and wandering jew that i stole off a plant in the atm lobby of a nearby bank. i don't feel guilty.
posted by April Fraze 3/5/2000 06:29:09 PM| link

some asshole decided to take matters into his own hands after a small fender bender in california. his solution: grab the lady's little dog and hurl it into on-coming traffic. instant karma's gonna get you, mr. evil!
posted by April Fraze 3/5/2000 06:21:07 PM| link