Friday, March 17, 2000

attention jamband fans! i have created a calendar on the citizens of rec.music.gdead page. please help us update the calendar, so there is a place to go to find out about up-coming concerts, festivals, and gatherings.
posted by April Fraze 3/17/2000 12:27:17 AM| link

Thursday, March 16, 2000

tonight i added a no frills page with links to sites created by the readers/posters on rec.music.gdead. you can reach it on the side bar under newsgroups i read. if you frequent rec.music.gdead and would like to be listed, please e-mail me! i have only added those who responded to the post i placed on the newsgroup. thanks!
posted by April Fraze 3/16/2000 11:38:03 PM| link

go seton hall!!!! does anybody think i have a chance here? i can't watch the game, but i have my fingers crossed! it means a dead show to me, no bragging rights....(i'm in a pool for rec.music.gdead)

go boilers!!!!
posted by April Fraze 3/16/2000 08:08:59 PM| link

i've been hung up on twice this morning.......so i decided to take a break, because i don't deal well with rejection. right now i am "cleaning up" data so we can have something to go on when we open our new office.....over 1,100 companies to call and explain what we are and beg them to answer my questions. as in life, some people listen and understand and are helpful.....some just don't care. i understand their point really, because i'm kind of like the pesky telemarketers that catch you right in the middle of something.

my luck isn't bad....i have a soothing enough voice that i can come across rather well over the phone. i don't read a script, so i'm able to sound sincere and i've been with the company for long enough to be able to answer any question they ask. the problem: i am about as interested in my job as a cat in water. it's something i just don't care to be any part of, and i've known this for a long time. i've gone to my superiors with problems in the past and i've even given notice......somebody always serves up a big glossy image of where things are going and where i can be later. sure, that's all well and good, but i really don't care anymore. their promises have seldom delivered and what one person says is law another believes the opposite. we are poorly organized from the headquarters end. i understand there's a lot going on now and all, but if we want to succeed at what we're doing....it's best to allow your employees living in the area help guide you to sound decisions....especially if you've never worked in one of the offices. since moving to minnesota i've been an outsider trying to peek in....i rarely, if ever, know what's going on and i haven't even received my computer yet. sure, i have my own, but it's not the most reliable. i pay for the net service that i use and nobody offers reimbursement. as a matter of fact they cut my last paycheck because they had mistakenly overpaid me on my previous three.......that was my fault, by the way (although i still don't get how).

now i spend my days making call after call after call to companies. it's tedious and boring and absolutely not my thing. yes, i am quite capable of phone interaction....heck, i even like it to a degree, but every call i make is to some person who has no idea who i am and what i'm doing....and i want them to give me info. it's all i do. i have no other things to work on right now. i know that eventually this will be over and i'll be back to my other duties, but i don't have much desire to do those either. i suppose it's time to look for a new job. i'm looking for something with a little more variety....i dig that about smaller companies, but i also want a little more input. every suggestion i've made since living here has fallen on deaf ears. i came here in january to get started. the first 2 months i did research and made suggestions like i figured i was supposed to do.....no feedback, no plans, no nothing ever returned. apparently we have a media buyer now, but i honestly have no idea what i'm supposed to do with them. as a matter of fact, those first months were really nothing more than me making up things to do....and i actually think some of the research i did was quite useful.

so now i'll be getting back to my phone calls......if anyone knows of a job south of minneapolis that might hire me.....a 25, going on 26 year old, with computer and communication skills, who likes desktop publishing and people, let me know....oh and a sign on bonus would be a huge help since i have to pay my company back for relocation costs if i do leave.....isn't that sweet?
posted by April Fraze 3/16/2000 11:45:20 AM| link

Tuesday, March 14, 2000

i believe in the power of the shoebox.

somewhere in a box there is an old nike box that i haven't opened in several years. each time i move i pack it up and bring it along to my new home. in this box are the memories of someone i loved, who i knew loved me back. it didn't hold rings or expensive gifts. take for instance the chalk. one day my love brought me a piece of chalk to show he was thinking of me in class, the next day: he brought a whole box. there's also a test tube with some kind of fluid in it....a sample from his chemistry class - given to me for the same reason.

there are other tokens that represent the affection i felt for him. a plastic bib from dairy queen that i grabbed when we were out...just to remember the occasion. oddly enough i still have a mental picture from that day that was really like a lot of other days we were together. there is also a matchbook from his parent's house - the weekend they went out of town and we escaped our roommates. there are ballons and cards, photos and wrappers. i have a note he left on my car while i was at work and every flower he ever gave me....each one in a zip-loc bag with the date received on it. every note and every letter from our summer apart....tucked away for prosperity.

i've thought about pitching the box....i haven't seen chris for years. we last got together right before he graduated. he made me dinner and we went out and discussed old times. it was funny, because that was the first time in many years that i felt over it. i had mourned for his love for quite some time. that night i saw how different we had become and i knew that our relationship, although over, was something that was very meaningful to both of us. i think we learned a lot from each other.

i still hear from chris once in awhile via e-mail. he's really a great guy, and i hope that one day we can get together and go through the box and lay it to rest in some kind of ceremony. hokey, maybe, but it seems like a nice way to pay homage to what we had and to assure each other of the love we once shared.

i haven't kept a shoebox like that since. it was the one and only. this weekend the shoebox came to mind.....i began to wonder why i hadn't kept any others in the past. perhaps i haven't felt that kind of connection with any of the people i've been with since that moment in time. sunday i started a new shoebox. the first item: a map of nerstrand big woods state park.
posted by April Fraze 3/14/2000 05:14:25 PM| link

today is day for us to rejoice....introducing static, a journal by jonathan burr of phish(tale) fame. i just read it and i am completely impressed.

for me the most enjoyable aspect of weblogs and journals comes from getting some sort of validation of your own feelings. the biggest loneliness in life comes from feeling as if no one understands you. it only grows worse if you begin to doubt your own feelings. that's why friends and family are so important. they give you the approval you need. somewhere in the hugs and sorries there is a message saying that you are not crazy, you are not over-reacting, you are on your way home. bad times come and go...the quickest route to recovering from a blow is understanding that what you are feeling is real.

my favorite tarot reading to give is one that predicts life patterns by month. life is cyclical and when you do a year's reading on a month to month it is visible.
posted by April Fraze 3/14/2000 01:29:49 PM| link

there really is something to be said for honesty......
posted by April Fraze 3/14/2000 01:15:48 PM| link

wow! i actually have regular visitors! i know the past few days have been kind of slow for things on this page and apologize to those who have been continuing to come back....i really have been trying to buckle down on the work thing and i have some deadlines....excuses, excuses, i know. trust me, i will be back in normal blogging fashion soon, and i have some cool stories to tell....at this point i have been kind of hesitant to post the good stuff...but it's just so nice and i don't really feel too worried about it now...just give me time. in the meantime, if you're coming here, please tell me what interests you. i have not been linking much lately, so i wonder if the stories have kept people coming back. as always, have an enchanted day!
posted by April Fraze 3/14/2000 12:20:26 PM| link

Monday, March 13, 2000

i'm still reeling from an excellent weekend. sorry for the lack of content over the past few days. my life away from the computer has been way too good to feel guilty...i will be back though, and with more stories.....
posted by April Fraze 3/13/2000 01:15:37 PM| link