Friday, June 23, 2000

further dates have been announced and i'm super psyched!!! i was checking around for plane tickets homw for labor day weekend anyway, but now i think we'll make it an extended weekend and stop over in alpine, buckeye lake and pine know....why not a mini-tour? so, if you want to meet up....let me know! jb i might be persuaded to rip out some michael moves....you may prefer my other michael impersonations, however. apparently, my michael jackson moves are legendary due to a foggy night in college. i blame it on my roommate, joe, who practiced in front of the full size window with me in our living room. he was good at the robot....i had it down on the beat it/billie jean stylings.
posted by April Fraze 6/23/2000 02:43:19 PM| link

Tuesday, June 20, 2000

ssshhhh......i'm in a meeting. i work alone......headquarters is about 800 miles away.....and i'm bored.....and blogging. i must have attention deficit disorder. or perhaps i am just unenthusiastic. regardless, i can type and listen at the same time. and isn't that "ssshhhh" i began wirh nothing but major cheese?
posted by April Fraze 6/20/2000 03:53:06 PM| link

today at work i had to research band-aids...don't ask...anyway i ran across this 75 years of band-aid page which is pretty interesting. amused, i went on to check out the creator's homepage and on to the foam bath fish time page. if you only have time for one....read the comments on the fish one. i'm not even going to try to be as witty as the visitors of this page....kudos to them!!
posted by April Fraze 6/20/2000 01:02:25 PM| link

this post made me smile. chris couldn't resist pointing out the irony....i can't resist doing the same. what's wrong with the post chris made? it is inevitable, point out what someone did wrong, and you will do something just as bad....now what is my error? i know it's here somewhere.....
posted by April Fraze 6/20/2000 12:22:24 PM| link

regarding last night's game.....ugh! is all i can say.

growing up in indiana you really learn to appreciate basketball.......there are no gray lines. there are teams you cheer for at all cost and they do no wrong. so, please don't ask me what i thought of the game....i will only dwell on the fact that it's a sin that an nba player who makes mvp....who calls himself "the legendary", etc., etc.....is good for one thing...standing under the goal.

in my opinion reggie miller has more talent in his little finger than shaq has in his entire mammoth body. for that matter....so do jalen rose, austin croshere and the rest of the team. i wonder when the value of a player will once again be measured by his ability to handle the ball, shoot the three, make his foul shots, and all the other many facets of the game rather than just being a tower of power.

scrappy and spunky...that's the way i like my teams. and you have to admire guys who come to indiana to play ball....i mean really. l.a. is an easy choice for ballplayers seeking fame and fortune. when you head to indiana the night life is less tempting....and you can't catch a bus to the filiming of your latest hollywood production.

sorry, kids, but when it comes to the pacers....i'm not so nice. i'll be cheering them on next year.....

so long, larry! best wishes!
posted by April Fraze 6/20/2000 09:57:54 AM| link

Monday, June 19, 2000

half-time:

pacers: 56
lakers: 53

posted by April Fraze 6/19/2000 09:19:41 PM| link

yeah! we just made a trip to mankato and returned with a beautiful new plant....further proof that we have a serious plant-buying problem.....
posted by April Fraze 6/19/2000 08:27:44 PM| link

go PACERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by April Fraze 6/19/2000 08:08:59 PM| link

i just finished demian last night and immediately picked up jitterbug perfume. i am a bit concerned. i think i'm spoiled by tom robbins and his writing style. demian was a wonderful novel...it was beautifully written and its story line/message where interesting, but i hungered after that robbins-style. there is so much color in a tom robbins novel. beginning in february i have now read 5 of his books........i worry that when i finish this one and go on to the latest release i will be lost. what am i going to do? any suggestions?
posted by April Fraze 6/19/2000 02:55:10 PM| link

i realize that lately i have been a whiner....got i hate that...more than anything....ugh. trust me, i'm trying really hard to come up with a better disposition, but these things take time. allow me to apologize...soon enough i will get back to myself....
posted by April Fraze 6/19/2000 02:48:15 PM| link

last week jb began his rem week....it continues today...give me a "hurrah!" i meant to mention it last week but got all caught up in life, so might i suggest a little back-tracking for all of you you michael stipe fans....yes, yes, i love michael.
,br> there was a time when i entertained my friends with my wonderful michael impersonations which included the entire reenactment of his movements in the losing my religion video, a fabulous take on his wind the hand, step out move from what's the frequency, kenneth?, and the "hey baby" hand motion from man on the moon.......so now i must ask....has anyone got the dirt on the man on the moon soundtrack?

and if you see me on the street...and ask really nice, maybe, just maybe i'll do my michael moves for you....but you have to be laughing with me...not at me.....
posted by April Fraze 6/19/2000 02:45:22 PM| link

i just received my pay stub for tomorrow's payday.....nearly halfway through the year and here are my stats:

year-to-date total earnings: $17071.65
year-to-date total withholdings: $4532.29

hmmmm....i said to myself as i scratched my head.....that's a lot of withholding....from little old me....i don't own a home....i don't have a kid....i get no aid.......i barely survive........

i have to wonder if it would in fact be more profitable to go back to waitressing......note: these withholdings are not for insurance or any retirement program. they are straight up taxes, social security, and medicare. is it just me or does this sound a bit ridiculous? nearly 27% of my wages go off to some little typed name on my paystub......i know, i know....it's not a new argument....it isn't even a new twist on an old argument, but i look at this and wonder why i get up every weekday and go off to work. i wish the government had to provide me with a statement every month...telling me where it all goes once it reaches these interesting little places. last year i paid in over $2,700 in taxes.....i only got $330 back....i paid the state of indiana an additional $110. it seems unjustified really. an old acquaintance made about $10,000 last year. he got $500 back from the government....his total pay in amount. we are at the same place in life. neither of us are married...neither of us own homes....neither of us are in school or have kids. so basically, i have a better paying job....which i devote a lot more time and energy to by the way....therefore i have to pay in $2,500....he gets his $500 back.

the way i see it retirement benefits and health care will probably be gone before i need it.....and the only thing i use that the government provides....roadways. isn't there a better way to figure a fair tax? just curious.....
posted by April Fraze 6/19/2000 01:50:59 PM| link

"at this point a sharp realization burned within me: each man has his "function" but none which he can choose himself, define, or perform as he pleases. it was wrong to desire new gods, completely wrong to want to provide the world with something. an enlightened man had but one duty-to seek the way to himself, to reach inner certainty, to grope his way forward, no matter where it led. the realization shook me profoundly, it was the fruit of this experience. i had often speculated with images of the future, dreamed of roles that i might be assigned, perhaps as poet or prophet or painter, or something similar.

all that was futile. i did not exist to write poems, to preach or to paint, neither i nor anyone else. all of that was incidental. each man had only one genuine vocation-to find the way to himself. he might end up as a poet or madman, as prophet or criminal-that was not his affair, ultimately it was of no concern. his task was to discover his own destiny-not an arbitrary one-and live it out wholly and resolutely within himself. everything else was only a would-be existence, an attempt at evasion, a flight back to the ideas of the masses, conformity and fear of one's inwardness. the new vision rose up before me, glimpsed a hundred times, possibly even expressed before but now experienced for the first time by me. i was an experiment on the part of nature, a gamble within the unknown, perhaps for a new purpose, perhaps for nothing, and my only task was to allow this game on the part of primeval depths to take its course, to feel its will within me and make it wholly mine. that or nothing!"

--demian, hermanne hesse
posted by April Fraze 6/19/2000 12:13:22 PM| link

patti, it isn't just the smokers, the gays, and the druggies.....trust me.

confession time: i grew up in a county with a single high school, grades 7-12 in one buiding, total student population 950. we had our "in" crowd.....mostly teacher's kids and people with parents on the school board or some other political type position in the county. everything revolved around a person's last name.....and who there parent's were before them. fraze just wasn't a common name, and it certainly wasn't one of the popular names. now don't get me wrong....i was invited to all of the parties...i just never conformed....never locked myself in to one single group. i was a cordial kid and i liked people....so i knew a lot of people. i was a cheerleader, the prom queen, senior class vice-president, a model united nations delegate, a high-q team member, homecoming queen, a national honor society member, i tutored for s.a.d.d., was assistant editor for the newspaper......etc., etc., outside of school i was the president of my 4-h club and our county junior leaders club...plus, i had a job and worked a lot of graveyard shifts on the weekends.......when i look back now i wonder how i had time to get to softball practice and then make it to work...i mean, when did i sleep? the irony comes from the fact that my senior year i won everything i was nominated for...beating out all of the "in" crowd...the reason: i was a nice girl. after 5 years of the same shit people were tired of the small town politics and i was just the lucky choice. i know that....in the end i worked hard to get things done....whether it be working as an office assistant for our athletic director, cadet teaching a 7th grade english class or going to the nursing home to visit with the residents. all in all i gained a lot of good experience, but my sights were on something bigger...college.

i think i reached my breaking point towards the end of the school year with my classmates. senior shirts needed to be done and it was the job of the class officers. our president was completely uninterested and no one else had said anything. eventually people started coming to me. so, i acted....and i acted alone. i came up with an idea...surveyed some people and found that it was fine....i traced a 92 and chased 117 seniors around for a week until i had everyone's signature. then the nasty affair reached its climax:

(to steal some style from jb)

her:"she signed by me because we don't like each other and she's being a bitch."
me:"well, i only have a few more names to go and this hasn't been easy to do."
her:"well, i don't want a shirt then."
me:"if i get someone to sign between you will that make you happy?
her:"i guess."

so i spent my time trying to find someone willing to scrawl their name into the skinny crooked area between two feuding names.

the 92 was finally complete so i took it to the fellow doing the shirts. for the back i told him to put "we're outta here" because that was popular when i was asking around. everything was set-up and i began sitting at a table in the cafeteria during the lunch hours taking order. the next thing i know there is a new contoversy....."we don't want them to say that on the back...that's what corydon's shirts said last year...." or something to the effect. i went to the advisor and had a chat. he basically told me to ignore them....i tried to explain that the shirts were started and boycott was threatened...apparently the "in" crowd was going to show me...they were going to make their own shirts. so be it.

in the end they ordered....things quieted down....i spent another week of lunches delivering the shirts when they came in.

by the time the whole ordeal was over it was incredibly easy for me to break away from my fellow students. maybe i was petty, but i had an epiphany about my fellow classmates....they were selfish....and they were bullies.....not all of them, but a significant portion. when we put together our final issue of the school paper both myself and our editor where given a space to say our "goodbyes". i used mine not to tell tales of our fun together but to reiterate my experiences in dealing with them.......a gutsy move to call them out.....a way to say good riddance. i was surprised when i did get an apology from the girl with the name who was too close to a former friend, current enemy.

on the last day of class the "in" crowd wore their own shirts finally....grey x-large baggy t-shirts covered in puffy paint.......the fronts read "you suck". in our class photo they are all in the front row wearing their masterpieces....not until today did i realize that it was probably me that was the "you". oh well, no tears from this girl.

a few years ago we came upon our 5 year mark. i called our president 5 times from college (i was 4 hours away). he never returned my calls. one day i got a call from a girl in our class asking me about a reunion......"i've called bryan 5 times and he won't return my calls. you work with him...have you asked him?" i replied...."well, bryan wants to go to one, but he doesn't want to plan one." "well, i'm 4 hours away and i can't plan it by myself, so i don't know what to tell you."

weeks later my mother sent word that a fellow classmate that she worked with said to tell me he was doing something. i volunteered to help and mentioned an extended vacation i had from school. the day i got back from my vacation...a tuesday, i got a call that it was being held the next saturday...i opted to skip it.....our five year reunion held in a karaoke bar on top of the days inn/service station. i didn't miss much i hear, but i guess people were shocked that i didn't come. i'm glad. i like the fact that i'm now a bit of a mystery for my classmates....it gives them something to gossip about. if i lived at home, i wouldn't hang with them. i wouldn't have them over. i've skipped lunches i've been invited to.........at this point in my life i have nothing to talk about with these people. it isn't a grudge really, just a seperation of lives.

when i do make the 10 year reunion i will be sitting at a table with our class druggie....and my favorite fellow student, shawn, who played softball with me during the summers, who knows my family, who read calvin and hobbes with me in advanced math....who curled up next to me in kindergarten when we had our first tornado drill....who is true to himself and always has been....who works hard....who is kind to animals...and who never bullied or degraded me, but always teasingly gave me a hard time about the memories i had from our grade school years. i saw his mom one night about a year ago...she has a shoe box full of letters and pictures i gave him in third grade. it's funny to me how the school years boil down to a few people who will always own my affections......and those people were the same ones i knew in grade school.....back when we only knew each other as a fast runner or a nice person....when the only teams where boys against girls and if you could run and play catchers you were "in"....
posted by April Fraze 6/19/2000 11:09:13 AM| link

last week brad and i decided to quit smoking. we finished the packs that we were on and that was supposed to be the end of it all.

the day began with my car in the shop.....i set out for the city in brad's car, with no radio so i had a lot of time to think.....i thought about smoking as i puffed on my last 4 camels. how the price has become incredibly ridiculous....and how the tobacco farmers were seeing none of it. and i realized that i truly enjoyed smoking....and i wondered if that was bad.

i have known casual smokers in the past....mainly girls who could savor a couple of cigarettes over a beer. they were weekened smokers at best and it remained at that. i was surprised when i thought about it and wondered how that was possible. i wished i was that way....a casual smoker...savoring rather than relying on the death stcks.

my thoughts turned to native americans.......celebratory tokes.....tobacco was a gift to enjoy in moderation (or perhaps in excess) on certain occasions...maybe my view is muddied by media and history books, etc., but i don't imagine there were many natives that were bent over coughing after a major hunt.

it made me think about the world we live in....how we are conveniencing ourselves to death.....extra trash from those single serving wieners......please, is that necessary? apparently there is some sort of market for it, but i'm a light eater and i never eat less than 2.....anyway, i digress......cigarettes in 20 packs, available in every store, gas station, nearly every pharmacy.........ads and free gifts......the convenience has turned a significant amount of our citizens into lungers who can't run....can't swim, have dirty teeth....dry skin....varicose veins...and deadly internal inflictions. i wonder what our state would be if tobacco was only offered in cans...would it be this way? would we have been trying them in holly's back yard at the age of 13?

i blame no one for my stupid mistake. my freshman year in college i shared a dorm room with a smoker....i gagged when i grabbed my towel off the rack because it reeked.....i hated it and asked for the woindows to be open....i made my father quit....and then one day i was stressed out...my roommate gave me a cigarette....it made me sick.....all of my friends smoked and eventually i bought my own.....i moved home for the summer and out of sheer boredom i would go out and drive around and smoke....there was no logic to it....no need....now it has been 7 years...and i'm astonished....pissed off that i could have been so stupid. and i say this as i suck down the last drag on a marlboro medium....not my regular brand...but they are on sale.......
posted by April Fraze 6/19/2000 09:45:28 AM| link

ah, john, i hope you feel better soon. echinacea, my friend.....and popsicles were always my father's favorite remedy.
posted by April Fraze 6/19/2000 09:27:54 AM| link

Sunday, June 18, 2000

on the way home from work friday i cranked up the cat stevens and cried...not because i was sad really....but more because it was necessary...a complete surrender to emotion. i have felt like i am losing sight of the person i am...kind of caught up in the routine i suppose. everything has been obligatory lately whether it was coking, cleaning, work, driving to work, etc....and i remember how when i was in school i used to just pick up and take off for a day without any plans. time was definitely more on my side then i suppose and the drive was less time-consuming...it's the price i pay for the place i live though. i have been anxiously planning my vacation days in my head, but so far i haven't acted on any of it. i have 17 days i can take off in a year and i have only taken 2 thus far. i know in july i will take 2 or so, but i am anxious for that whole week....the one where i go somewhere far away.....colorado maybe. in august i will be going home for my father's 50th birthday which will be nice....i can't wait to see my parent's cabin now that they have landscaped the yard. it sounds truly beautiful and i miss the front porch.

in minnesota the mosquitoes will eat you alive if you go outside at night without cutter.
posted by April Fraze 6/18/2000 03:14:20 PM| link

it's been awhile since i found my friend neil's site on an e-circle, but i wanted to post it........lots of cool pictures of my indiana friends in their party splendor....including this one that shows me in the foregrund (i'm the skinny one with the striped tank top....ahhhh the ranch....how i miss thee.
posted by April Fraze 6/18/2000 09:47:59 AM| link