Saturday, August 12, 2000

i know, i know, i'm late....but:

my then boyfriend, ron, and i were preparing to move into a new apartment, but we had a layover between leases. we rented a u-haul and carried all of our belongings to a ratty hotel room that we rented for a week. our first night we got a pizza and went to sleep. when we woke up the phone rang and we heard the frightening news about ron's father. he had been in and out of doctors' offices over the past month begging them to help hm with the pain in his legs. the physicians dismissed him easily and one had the audacity to tell him that if he was looking for pain pills he was in the wrong place. the night before the call ron's father had nearly collapsed and almost died. an ambulance relayed him to the e.r. where it was determined that he was now diabetic as a result of some strange virus. the doctors had missed something in a previous test and the poor guy was a mess. it was a very long crawl out of the pain and sickness, and i remember the fear that struck the family as they watched their leading supporter and loved one vomit and ache like a child....

ron was torn as we left the parking lot of st. joseph's hospital on the second day in south bend in search of food. we were pulling into a pharmacy nearby when the disc jockey passed along the news of jerry garcia's passing. ron looked at me and said. "you'll never let me live this down will you?"

the summer before i had hoped to catch my first dead show with friends. i didn't have a ticket, but i was optimisticl. my friend, debra, was at deer creek for the first night, but i had to work. she was going to return to lafayette to get me since my car was on loan to my father for the summer. david hyde, a co-worker and all-around nice guy, offered me a ride down, but ron made it very clear that he didn't like that guy....so i waited to hear from deb....she never called. so, i missed my last opportunity to see the full band doing their thing.

at the moment i heard the news i was a bit miffed at ron, but i knew that wasn't going to help matters. we were caught in a strange and unsettling situation....and as we both hurt for his father i felt the harsh reality of death....and the unfairness of the matter....and i worried that our situation was not guaranteed to be pleasant......and i found it distasteful that the first tribute song played on that radio station was "hell in a bucket".

fortunately ron' father recovered. he lost his job as a corporate pilot, but he was smart enough to have a nest egg put back. he loved the popsicles i put back for him on visits....and he loved the cucmbers and vinegar i made.....jerry became a precious memory for many....and a missed martyr for me. and i learned a lesson about putting off until tomorrow the shows you can see today.....
posted by April Fraze 8/12/2000 11:24:01 PM| link

please, please, please, please...go sign the petition to get nader in the debates!!!!!
posted by April Fraze 8/12/2000 11:03:31 PM| link

Wednesday, August 09, 2000

sept. 15 - the prospective last day of work. the groundwork is being laid in my mind. i've been dreaming of colorado for so long and i've peeked over the edge of my mundane life to watch as several of my friends have journeyed off to a land that makes me feel so complete....

now i see the future, and i feel the determination...and i think i'm going to go for it. the plan is to have as much cash stock-piled and as much junk disposed of as possible. i'm scared....scared that this notion is simply another impossible dream and i'm discouraged when i catch myself saying "i think i'm moving to colorado next month."....think? why think? and i see that my heart is there, but my head is still filled with the fear. the fear that i won't find a place willing to accept two lovable dogs, or that i won't have the cash flow to swing a place that will accept us. right now that is the main concern. i've decided to get on the employment bus when i get there since i won't have a lot of time to find something between now and then and all of the resumes i've sent out receive this response..."come see us when you get here."

and john, thanks for the advice!
posted by April Fraze 8/9/2000 03:03:37 PM| link