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David Owens
English 102 H
Brena Walker
"Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind."
These words, written by Ralph Waldo Emerson back in the mid-19th century, powerfully penetrate my conscious mind. I suppose that one could take the position that such sentiments could be interpreted as arrogant, or egocentric, but to me they are the bedrock on which the entirety of our race as human beings was built. There are numerous examples in our books and myths and songs concerning integrity and self-reliance. It's too bad, then, that there are so few of our kind who actually venture beyond the contemplation stage. Yes, it is easy to think grand thoughts and devise flowery poems and songs in honor of ourselves, but are there so many of us in this world who are not merely sheep following someone else's path? I wonder.
I like to think of myself as a non-conformist, living my life as I choose, but is anyone in our present day allowed to truly be bizarre? Isn't being a rebel against society at large, in itself, an act of lumping yourself in with other dissidents? For example, I remember way back in the spring of 1997 there was a relatively new rock star on the scene named Marilyn Manson. He had been out for a few years, living pretty much in obscurity, but the title of his latest CD "Antichrist Superstar" was attracting quite a bit of media attention, especially from Pat Robertson and his ilk. Well, at first Mr. Manson was the greatest villain since Ozzy Osborne back in the 80's, and all of a sudden there were scores of rebellious young people flocking after him like he was the dark messiah. They were dyeing their hair black and wearing all black clothes and lipstick, all trying to fit in with the new rebellion. So, in a matter of months, what started with a rebellion became the new fad. Instead of breaking into the realm of originality and free expression, they just became sheep, conforming to the "Goth" image, until the next new leader came along to take the drivers seat of pop rebellion. Is there not more to anarchy than this? Maybe Manson himself summed it up best in the lyrics of his song Little Horn: "…the world spreads its legs for another star." A bit crass I suppose, but hey, aren't iconoclasts supposed to break social taboo?
As I contemplate this subject of self-reliance, and my own journey from being an optimistic happy-go-lucky sheep to a somewhat pessimistic would-be free thinker, I wonder how one becomes such? Are people born with a "rebel gene" or is it something learned over time? I am not sure, and cannot presume to have the whole answer, but I think that many times our changes in direction come from necessity. Take for example the character Mrs. Hutchinson, from the Shirley Jackson story The Lottery. She was completely happy with the barbaric practice of her society. She even came to the town assembly in a jesting frame of mind, ready to see who the poor unfortunate sap was who would be pelted with stones within the hour--a sacrifice to the Gods of corn or something. I am sure that it seemed normal to her in every way because they had always had a lottery. Maybe she'd even practiced her stone throwing technique. Maybe she would try an outside curveball this year, instead of her usual old grunt and heave approach. Well, I have a feeling that before the day was done, she had a whole new outlook on the lottery. As ol' lady Graham from down yonder on the old Simpkins place was burning in her newly perfected granite change-up, I'm sure that the idea of killing someone to appease the corn seemed pretty stupid to her. Perhaps even old man Warner would have changed his rusty old tune under the same conditions.
Isn't this how change happens sometimes? We go along with the status quo until we become a statistic? I know that this has been the main motivator in the majority of my changes in belief. For example, I was raised in a household where homosexuality was the pinnacle of deviance. Dad was a biker, and mom was a holiness Christian, so to me, some sissified little pansy prancing about was pretty much as low on the totem pole as one could go. Well, I lived with this idea for quite a few years, and was happy with it. They were sinners! They were deviants! They were scum! They were…my…friend…Steve? What? But he's a great guy! He's not some flaming pervert who feeds on little kids! He's not some sick, twisted aberrant who endlessly pursued the lusts of the flesh, so to speak.
Yes, I was forced to see that my perspectives had been wrong, after many nights of prayer and beseeching of answers. I saw that just because I had been raised to see something as the gospel truth, that didn't mean that I had to hold on to false ideas. Of course, this example was a pretty hard one to face for a person who was new to rebellion. I had to question my core beliefs, I had to have the audacity to question the God of my youth, and spend months of fear and anguish coming to the decision that in my heart I had never really believed in him. Gee, thanks a lot Steve.
Some people who exhibit fierce self-reliance, seem to have some inner strength that comes out when needed. Like the character Antigone, in the play by the same name, by Sophocles. Antigone is faced with an inner war: to obey the King and let her brother lie dead and rot, or follow her heart, defy the King, and bury her brother. I admire her fierceness. She stares down the King and sticks to her guns, and for the most part she does it alone. To me, she is the poster child for self-reliance. It is true, though, that this self-reliance costs a great deal, her life. It seems to me that most great deeds of self-reliance which come from within rather than from being a sheepish, pop-rebel, cost a great deal. Our myths, legends, and history books are full of such as these: Joan of Arc, Jesus Christ, Mahatma Ghandi, Martin Luther King, the Kennedys, Sitting Bull, Crazy Horse, etc. all of these great men and women fought and died for what they believed in. Of course even these weren't without their faults. Martin Luther King and Ghandi have been accused of fighting for freedom at the expense of their familial relationships, Crazy Horse once shot a man whose wife he had stolen, Jesus, in some folks eyes, was a political leftist who was against organized religion. Then of course there are the Kennedy brothers, who by evolutionary standards were accused of doing a marvelous job at spreading around their genetic material. These people are not without their faults, in society's eyes, but they had a divine spark. They had something almost supernatural. They stood up for their own beliefs in the face of enormous opposition, and in my eyes they are heroes, worthy of my respect.
"Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist." (Emerson) After much thought, I have to say that I believe this more than ever. Any damned fool can blindly follow someone with a vision. Give me the Apostle Peters who have soul searched to the point of denial and came back stronger, or the Bill Clintons who have stood firm, in spite of their many follies, for the ideals that they have spent a lifetime upholding. Give me the Creons even, who in the end had the guts to admit that they had been dreadfully wrong. These are my heroes. Not necessarily superman, but real men. Not bodybuilders, but soul builders. People who are fierce because of their weaknesses. These are my heroes; these are my idols of self-reliance. May I someday count myself among them.
Works Cited
Anstendig, Linda and David Hicks. Writing Through Literature. Upper Saddle River New Jersey: Prentice,1996.
Emerson, Ralph Waldo. "Self-Reliance." Anstendig and Hicks.1841.
Jackson, Shirley. "The Lottery." Anstendig and Hicks.1948.
Manson, Marilyn. "Little Horn." Antichrist Superstar. Compact Disc. Nothing. 1996.
Sophicles. Antigone. Anstendig and Hicks. 441 BCE.
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