1. You say PUCK so much that your mom doesn't slap you for it anymore.
2. You'd rather drive a Zamboni instead of a Ferrari.
3. You know every player's nickname, even the player's you hate.
4. You know the difference between the "Garden", the "Gahden" and the "Gardens."
5. You admire a beautiful goal, even when it's scored against your team.
6. You consider the Stanley Cup to be the Holy Grail.
7. You consider the Holy Trinity to be Wayne Gretzky, Gordie Howe, and Bobby Orr.
8. You can SMELL the ice.
9. You consider the greatest moment in sports to be Team USA's win over the Russian's at the 1980 Olympics in Lake Placid.
10. Your idea of serving breakfast is giving each of your kids a fork and dropping an Eggo in the middle of the table.
11. You punish your kids with "minors," "majors" and "misconducts."
12. When you come to a traffic signal and the light turns green, you stop.
13. When you come to a traffic signal and the light turns red, you get really excited and start cheering.
14. You consider the Forum in Montreal a place of worship.
15. You keep a picture of the Stanley Cup in your wallet, in front of your family.
16. Instead of duct tape, you use hockey tape to fix everything.
17. You call a trip to the Hockey Hall of Fame a "pilgrimage."
18. You think the Canadian National Anthem is the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada."
19. You send Gordie Howe a birthday card, yet you can't even remember your own family's birthdays.
20. All your kids are named either Gordie, Bobby or Wayne.
21. You went to see "West Side Story" because you thought it was a game between Winnipeg and San Jose.
22. You went to a bank because it advertised "Free Checking"....and walked out disappointed.
23. Your cure for everything is a couple of extra strength aspirin and a shot of novocian.
24. You can pronounce everything in French, yet you have no idea what it means.
25. Every time you hear a siren, you wonder who scored.
26. You can say "Khabibulin," "Tkachuk," (BLESS YOU) "Jgar," "Shtalenkov," " Leschyshyn," and "Tverdovsky" without getting tongue tied.
27. Every time you see the name "Roy" you automatically pronounce it "Wah."
28. You're not allowed to play chess simply because the first time you played, you misunderstood the meaning of the word "check."
29. Everything in your wardrobe is your team's colors.
30. You think the proper way to spell the plural of "leaf" is "leafs."
31. You can name all the Sutter brothers in order.
Rule#1 - Spectators must only yell words of encouragement such as "lets go Hornets" or "rah rah shish boom bah" (but not too loud or you might distract them from their work)
Rule#2 - Spectators must otherwise sit silently and watch the players, who obviously know what they are doing....otherwise they wouldn't be out on the ice.
Rule#3 - Spectators must understand that they are ignorant of the game of hockey and can't possibly know how difficult it is to "hit someone" who doesn't want to be hit unless they have played the sport. The same goes for "shooting" and or "scoring."
Rule#4 - Spectators who "yell" instructions to players must be promptly arrested and escorted out of the arena by security staff lest a riot ensue.
Rule#5 - Booing is not allowed. Possible exception is booing the opponent but it must be made clear who is being booed. Such as BOOOOO REGALS. However, failure to properly articulate can cause confusion and may result in your ejection from the arena.
Rule#6 - Spectators are not permitted to second guess the coaching/management of the team. See Rule 2
Rule #7 - A Hockey Arena is a sacred place and must be treated as such. All fans must be respectful
