CYBER HYMENAL
brought to you by members of the Lyre Staph
This is dedicated to
The great Trojan Bandsmen
Of yesteryear.
May The Tradition Fight On!
High up in the hills of Westwood,
Sprawled offensive to the eye,
Lies the Cal extension campus
Known as Westwood High (high, high, high!)
Home of all the Bruin bear cubs,
UGLY is its name.
The student body's vile,
The football team's a pile,
and the Campus is a shame!
U (clap, clap, clap) G (clap, clap, clap)
L (clap, clap, clap) Y (clap, clap, clap)
U G L Y eat my shorts!
Bruins are a bunch of faggots
Songgirls are a bunch of sluts
When they spread their legs so wide,
They look like garbage trucks.
GOOD FOOD!
When we all go out to Westwood,
Bruins are so gay.
Each Bruin in the Band,
His unit in his hand,
Will whack the night away!
U (whack, whack, whack) G (whack, whack, whack)
L (whack, whack, whack) Y (whack, whack, whack)
U G L Y eat my shorts!
Cade McNown is a fucking asshole.
Williams sucks a lot of dicks.
When they tackle other guys,
They try to grab their pricks
(watch out!)
When the Bruins break the huddle,
Pants will come back up.
Each Bruin in the squad
Will surely shoot his wad
Right in McNown's mouth!
U (clap, clap, clap) Eat (clap, clap, clap)
Cade (clap, clap, clap) Out (clap, clap, clap)
You eat Cade out, he's a fag!
In the locker room at halftime,
Bruins give each other head.
They congratulate their coach
By taking him to bed
(Gay sex!)
On the bus back out to Westwood
They will fornicate.
The captain of the team ,
Is often heard to scream,
"Oh Toledo, that's great!"
U (x,x,x) G (x,x,x) L (x,x,x) Y (x,x,x)
Bruins are a bunch of sissies,
Songgirls are a bunch of slobs,
When they do their dance routines,
They're always out of step.
(Oh no!)
When we all go out to Westwood,
Bruins aren't very nice.
Each Bruin in the band,
His horn in his hand,
Will mess up all the notes!
U (nyah, nyah, nyah) G (nanner, nanner, nanner)
L (pooh, pooh, pooh on you!) Y (so's your old man!)
U G L Y
Eat Shit and Fuck off!
We are the bruin bandies
We haven't got a clue.
When Gordon tells us to play loud
We don't know what to do.
It's not because we're stupid, ("Yes it is!")
It's not because of luck. ("You suck!")
Life's a drag when your a fag,
Especially when you suck!
You (clap, clap, clap) Suck (clap, clap, clap)
So (clap, clap, clap) Bad (clap, clap, clap)
You-Suck-So-Bad-I-Might-Puke!
Fuck all the bruin bandies.
In Westwood they're all gay.
They fuck each other in the ass,
They know no other way.
And every bruin woman's a
Bulldyke, slut, or whore.
And the team is heard to scream
"Oh, Toledo, suck me more!"
Eat-Shit-Die-Bruins!
("Taps" Bridge)
The Dirty golden bear
Is losing all his hair.
His teeth are out, he's got the gout
He don't know what it's all about.
His eyes are made of glass
He's losing all his class
So take your golden teddy bear
And shove it up your golden ass!
("Taps" Bridge)
The dirty golden bear
Has dirty pubic hair
His dick is dead, he's got no head
He cannot get it up in bed.
He tries to use his hand,
But cannot find his gland.
So you will find him jerking off The U.C. Berkeley band!
Ara is gone but Dan was Devine
Now Hackett's team will kick Bob's behind
When the Irish take the field,
Their blood runs cold
And they get killed.
Their golden dome is made out of brass.
Their marching band just sits on its ass.
And the leprechaun is queer.
In heaven there is no beer.
Come all ye perverts, queers and a likes,
We'll make the Irish eat out the dykes.
Broomsticks, dildoes we're all game
We're gonna gang bang old Notre Dame!
Robbers, rapists, muggers and thieves
At Notre Dame get A.A. degrees.
And the leprechaun is queer.
In heaven there is no beer.
Cheer! Cheer! For Paul Hackett's back
You bring the rum and I'll bring the Jack
Send a sophomore out for gin,
Don't let a sober senior in!
We never falter, we never fall
We sober up on grain alcohol
When we yell we YELL LIKE HELL
for the glory of old 'SC!
In heaven there is no beer,
That's why we drink it here
And when we're gone from here,
All our friends will be drinking all our beer!
Dear Stanford U.,
Your red and white is always screwed.
Dear Stanford U.,
Your indian's a faggot too.
Dear Stanford sluts,
You've got a case of you-know-what (clap, clap)
No matter what you do,
It's stuck with you,
So keep your ass away from us!
Come bite the gland,
Caress the organ with your hand.
Pull on your cock,
Until it gets hard as a rock. (rock, rock, rock)
Let it arise
Until it stares you in the eyes. (don't blink!)
Beat it, stroke it,
Bite it, smoke it,
Hold it tightly til the fire dies!
Bow wow to Washington.
Bow wow to Washington.
Heaven help the slobs of Washington,
They're failing on their knees at mighty Washington.
Their band is here to play, but only for the pay
They never sign the dotted line without a Chevrolet
Subsidy's the cry of Washington.
They never win a game without a referee!
And o'er the land,
The greasy band will lead a trail to Washington forever
Bow wow to Washington
Bow wow to Washington
They're the fags of mighty Washington.
The husky is their mascot there at Washington.
They take the little mutt, and fuck it up the butt.
They take their meat and ram it deep, the bitch is just a slut.
And after jacking off it licks their cum,
And that's when they break out the vaseline.
Then stroke by stroke
They ram and poke that husky just as if it were their mother.
D.O.G.S..F.U.C.K..Y.O.U
Can you smell that foul aroma?
It's the hick from Oklahoma.
Let them try to use the wishbone,
They will never see the endzone.
Came in wagons 'cross the prairies,
All their mothers came from dairies,
And their fathers raped the cattle
And their offspring joined the band.
(cheer)
O K U Get a clue, We hate you!
(sing)
Better dead than Sooner red,
On Sooner heads our team will tread!
(cheer)
Get a fight song, this one sucks!
Barry Switzer likes his ass torn
By a raging Texas Longhorn.
Every Sunday at his leisure,
Fucks his grandpa to a seizure.
All the songgirls chew tobacco
And their cunts suck like a black hole.
Far removed from all reality,
They engage in beastiality.
When the yellfish suck the front line,
And the front line sucks the halfbacks,
Then the halfbacks suck the head coach,
And the whole band simply sucks!
(cheer)
0 Fuck U, 0 K U, Is it true
(sing)
That you rape little piggies,
Rape little chickens,
Rape little puppies,
Suck off ducks?
(cheer)
Eat my butt out with a fork!
Fuck you! Assholes! Y'all.
Why do they call them victors?
Why do they call them champions?
Why, why, Because they finally
Got to come West.
Each time they Pasadena,
They always get their ass kicked.
That's why the Wolverines
Are only second best.
Hail to the mother fuckers,
Hail to the big cocksuckers,
Hail, Hail to Michigan
Who gave us Art the fart.
Hail to the penis beaters,
Hail to the crab clit eaters,
Hail, hail to Michigan
They're really fags at heart.
Why do they call him Arthur?
Why do they call him Bartner?
Everyone know's his name is
Really Al Goldstein!
Art is a mother fucker.
Art is a big cocksucker.
Art is the biggest dick since
Ayatollah died.
And Ayatollah was a really big dick!
Take a bow, Ohio State,
For firing what's-his-name.
You think you can pass now, but
We'll beat you just the same!
Schlicter thinks he's got so much class
What'll he think when he's on his ass?
Hail, hail to Michigan,
That's the team that should be here now!
Hide your boys, Ohio State,
Is getting set to come.
If you want a butt fuck,
They will show you how it's done.
Buckeye boys show so little class
Sex to them's a pain in the ass.
Hail, hail to Woody Hayes,
He's the biggest they've had in years!
We are the members of the Kiddie Corps
We go down the field marching 8 to 4
If we do a show you think you've seen before,
Chances are you have, but we don't know any more!
Please send us your boys, you know we can't refuse.
We will sodomize any but black and Jews
They're the ones that we just love to fill with booze
Then we like to suck them til their balls start to ooze!
Bite on, for old A.B.
And you will find a cavity
Where cocksmen brave have drilled
And Trojans' gallant sperm has spilled
For old A.B.
Bite on for old A.B.
Bite on!
Rape on, for old SC
And fuck some sheep for ecstasy!
Eat out and cleavage fuck
And get some wench to come and suck
Your cock until
It comes into her mouth
Her moooouth! (5 count note)
Down in cunt valley where red rivers flow,
Where cocksuckers flourish and whoremongers go,
There I met Esther, the girl I adore.
She's my hot-fucking, cock-sucking Trojan Band whore!
Chorus:
She'll blow you, she'll fuck you, she'll gnaw on your nuts
She'll wrap her legs round you and squeeze out your guts
She'll wrap her legs round you til you scream for more (more, more, more)
She's my hot-fucking, cock-sucking Trojan Band whore!
Now, Esther began at the young age of eight
While swinging upon the old garden gate
The crossbar went down and the upright went in.
And Esther began her long life of sin!
Chorus
Now, Esther is dead and she lies in her tomb
While maggots and cockroaches crawl in her womb
Esther, oh Esther, oh why did you die?
I'd rather eat Esther than blueberry pie! (and I love blueberry pie!)
Chorus
I wish I had a prick of steel
And balls made out of brass.
I'd find a marble statue
And ram it up its ass
And breed a race of giants
To rule throughout the land
And sing another chorus
Of Cardinals Be Damned!
Chorus:
Oh, Cardinals be damned, boys,
Cardinals be damned!
Cardinals be damned, boys,
Cardinals be damned!
And any Stanford son-of-a-bitch
Who doesn't like the Trojan brass
Can pucker up his rosy lips
And kiss my Trojan ass!
Oh, Harvard's run by Princeton
And Princeton's run by Yale
Yale is run by Vasser
And Vasser's run by tail
And Stanford's run on stud-horse piss
And if you think I lie,
We'll take a trip to Menlo
Where you'll see the same as I!
(repeat chorus)
If I had a daughter, I tell you what I'd do
I'd send her off to Stanford
Where she'd never learn to screw!
But if I had a son,
It would be different then, you see
I'd teach him how to drink and fuck and send him to SC!
(repeat chorus)
Oh, here's to Dr. Bartner, the dirty son-of-a-bitch!
We hope he dies with the case of the clap
Along with the seven year itch!
For he's a dirty bastard, from a dirty, dirty race
By the laws of gravitation, his ass should be his face!
So, if we see the peckerface around our sacred halls,
We'll take him down to B-19 and lacerate his balls!
And if he doesn't like it, I'll tell you what we'll do
We'll cram his ass with broken glass and seal it up with glue!
Here's to Dr. Bartner, a heck of a peach of a guy!
He always gives a hundred percent and never tells a lie.(bullshit!)
For he's a great director from a truly outstanding school.
For a guy who's in his fifties, he's really pretty cool.
He always treats us fairly, he always lends a hand.
He'd sacrifice his wife and kids for the Trojan Marching Band! (he did!)
And if he should be modest, and say it isn't true,
We'll cram his ass with broken glass and seal it up with glue!
Oh, here's to Dr. Bartner, a heck of a son-of-a-bitch!
He always gives a hundred percent and dies of the seven year itch
For he's a great director from a dirty, dirty race.
For a guy who's in his fifties, his ass should be his face!
He always treats us fairly around our sacred halls,
He'd sacrifice his wife and kids and lacerate his balls.
And if he should be modest, I'll tell you what we'll do.
We'll cram his ass with broken glass and seal it up with glue!
Oh here's to Tony Fox, the man with no respect.
We hope he gets an office, along with a student desk.
For he is still a student, searching for a degree.
By the laws of Arnold Schoenburg his arrangements simply suck!
Oh here's to Greg Micheals, the man who wears a dress.
Asked his sexuality, a fag he will confess.
For he's a homosexual, from a frat called Theta Xi.
When he's in a fix for a fuck, "Oh Art, please morel" he'll cry.
Oh when he blows his whistle, he does it with such skill.
With all the cocks he sucks at night, you'd think he's on the pill
What he wears beneath his skirt, he never will reveal.
The way the trumpets look at his ass, you know they want a feel.
Oh, here's to Doreen Butler the ugly, tanless witch.
We'll continue to rag on her, cuz she's still a slimey bitch.
When she was our leader, testing was her way.
She always made you take a lap, regardless of how you played.
If you mention Seattle, she'll drop to the floor.
For she slept with a Husky in the summer of eighty-four.
And now that she's tried many a kind, she's finally seen the light.
She only screws her good ole pal, a lesbie called Sue Wright.
When you hear a bump note that sounds really out of place,
Look over to the bass line where you'll see a grinning face,
There you'll find a tuba who has blown his way to fame.
If you haven't heard of him, Ito is his name.
Oh, here's to Richard Ito the man who takes the blame.
If you hear a peddle tone, the tubas cry his name.
And if you think it'll stick with him, you better think again.
For this slant-eyed buddahead is a T M B legend.
Ito never takes a lap, he's never run a mile.
When he glides in front of Art, it only makes Art smile.
How he gets away with it we really want to know.
He's gone throughout his whole career without pointing a toe.
Now Richard has a fetish when you happen to mention food.
When it comes to rice and such, he's always in the mood.
For he's man who's gonna grow with his healthy appetite.
When you carry a sousaphone there is no eating light.
In his mouth, down his chin
There is no place the cum can't get in
He's a fag, so is Jeff
Everyone's coming on Moses!
Up his nose, in his ears
It's amazing how it disappears!
Up his ass it will pass
Everyone's coming on Moses!
Moses
Knows his
Bod's a magnet for cum
When he
Shows his,
People will cum on his toeses!
Businessmen, folks in Band
End up shooting their wad in his hand
Will it stop? No one knows
Hear it drop from his clothes
And add to the big puddle on the floor!
Because
Eve-ry-one's co-ming on
Eve-ry-one's co-ming on
Moses' nose, his toes, his clothes, his hose, yeah!
She was a virgin in her freshman year
She was a virgin with her conscience clear
She never smoked nor drank
nor necked nor pet
She was the sweetheart of the campus you can bet!
Until she met a man from old SC
Who took away her virginity
He pumped her once! twice!
God, it was nice!
Now she's the mother of an A.C.B.!
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Sheila.
Sheila who?
She loves a gang bang, she always will
Because a gang bang gives her such a thrill
When she was younger and in her prime,
She used to gang bang all the time.
But now she's older and turning gray
She only gang bangs twice a day!
G-A-N-G-B-A-N-G
Gang bang! Gang bang! Rah!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Anita.
Anita who?
I need a blowjob, I always do
Because I just can't fuck the likes of you
Your cunt is rancid, and full of scabs
I bet you'd even give me crabs!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Kenny.
Kenny who?
Can he give cunt licks, or use his hand?
Because I cannot fuck his shriveled gland
It's always flaccid and way too small
And then I can't feel it at all!
His cock is putrid from fucking sheep
He can't even come once a week!
C-U-N-T-L-I-C-K
Cunt lick! Cunt lick! Eat me out Rah!
Don't be a leader, be an asshole
And you'll get more respect that way
Don't be a well-behaving dipshit
Everyone will think you're gay!
Don't take no shit from Arthur Bartner
Don't let him think he's oversized
You know, we're all potential problems
Potential should be realized!
So be an asshole not a leader
Don't be afraid, go all the way!
'Cause if you really are an asshole,
Then you're a leader anyway!
Come and sit on my face if you love me
Come and sit of my face if you care
Let me eat out your red river valley
Let me tangle my teeth in your hair!
Chorus:
Roll me over in the clover
Roll me over, lay me down and do it again
And now it's number one
And the fun has just begun
Roll me over, lay me down and do it again
Chorus
And now it's number two
And my hand is on her shoe
Roll me over, lay me down and do it again
Chorus
three...my hand is on her knee
four ... we're down there on the floor
five ... you know I'm deep inside
six ... I've got her in a fix
seven ... I feel like I'm in heaven
eight ... the doctor's at the gate
nine ... the baby's doing fine
ten ... we'll do it all again
I put my hand upon her toe, yo ho, yo ho
I put my hand upon her toe, yo ho, yo ho
I put my hand upon her toe
She said, "Little boy, you're much too low!
Get it in, get it out, quit fuckin' about!"
Yo ho, yo ho.
I put my hand upon her knee (etc. as above)
She said, "Little boy, you're teasin' me...
I put my hand upon her thigh ...
She said, "Little boy, you're makin' me sigh ...
I put my hand upon her breast ...
She said, "Little boy, you're missin' the best
I put my hand upon her twat ...
She said, "Little boy, you're makin' me hot...
I put my cock into her mouth ...
She said, "Blmmmbimmbimmmblmmmmmm! ..."
And now she lies in an old pine box ...
She couldn't handle a TROJAN BAND COCK!!!
Take me out for a ball, dame
Take me out for a screw
Buy me some rubbers and Vaseline
I don't care it I never come clean!
So it's ream, ream, ream til your teeth gleam
If I don't score it's a shame
For it's one, two, three strokes I'm in
At the old ball, dame!
Last night I stayed at home and masturbated
It felt so grand! I used my hand.
Last night I stayed at home and masturbated
It felt so neat! I used my feet.
Beat it, stroke it,
Slam it on the floor.
Wrap it 'round the bedpost
Twenty times or more! (fine)
Last night I stayed at home and masturbated
It felt so nice, I did it twice.
Last night I stayed at home and masturbated
I'm such a man -- I come by hand!
Some people think that fornication is so grand
But I would rather stay at home
And do the job by hand!
(D.C. al fine)
I dreamt I saw big tits last night
As big as life can be
Says I, "Big tits, you're ten feet long,
You're big externally.
"My magic sheets, they lured you in
You came upon my bed.
So ivory white your bosoms were,
Your nipples cardinal red."
Chorus:
They're the biggest things (those tits!!)
That I ever saw (those giant tits!!)
Those big mammaries (oh, boobs!!)
They're the biggest things (what a set of jugs!!)
Says I, "Big tits, if you should go,
I'll never feel the same."
Says she, "My dear, don't bullshit me,
It wasn't you that came!"
I dreamt I saw big tits last night
As big as life can be
From time to time I'll think of her,
I'll keep those mammaries!
Chorus
I don't know, but it's been told
An eskimo's pussy is mighty cold!
Sound off -- Eat shit!
Sound off -- Douche bag!
Eat shit, douche bag, suck off -- Fuck you!
I don't know but it's been said,
A Stanford squaw is good in bed!
chorus
Cal bear is on the rag,
Stanford indian is a fag.
chorus
Put another ovum in her uterus
Her uterus, her uterus
Out her cunt it goes right from her uterus
She's another month old today!
We'll have some pie and tampaxes
And rich menstruation too.
We'll slurp and glurp the day away
And there's one more thing we're gonna do...
We'll spit and pick the blood from out between our teeth,
Under our tongue, and from our nose.
We'll never chew or eat a juicy clitoris
Oh that bloody, fishy-smelling day!
Ovulation, hooray!
She's another month old today!
Fuck, fuck, fuck my butt,
Fill my ass with cream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, Life is but a wet dream!
Suck, suck, suck my cock,
Give me screaming skulll
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a ball!
You can tell by the smell
That she isn't feeling well
As the end of the month rolls around
You can tell by the blotch
That she's got a leaky crotch
As the end of the month rolls around
So it's Hi Hi Hee in the Kotex factory
Shout out your sizes loud and clear ...
Small ... medium ... large ... extra absorbent... BALE O'HAY!!!
So it's Hi Hi Hee in the Kotex factory
When the end of the month rolls around
(Keep 'em bleeding!)
When the end of the month rolls around!
You can tell by the stain
That she's in a lot of pain
You can tell by her stance
She's got cotton in her pants ...
You can tell by her pain
You'll be beating off again ...
You can tell by the string
She's got something up her thing..
You can tell by the flood
That she's losing lots of blood ...
You can tell by her walk
That tonight you'll only talk.
You can tell by the stench
That she's a bloody wench ...
You can tell by her pout
That her eggs are failing out.
Oh, the weather outside is frightful
But your dick is so delightful
And since there's no place to go,
Screw me slow, screw me slow, screw me slow!
Oh, you don't show signs of stoppin'
And by now, you've got me hoppin'
And since you don't have to go,
Screw me slow, screw me slow, screw me slow!
When you peter is clear in sight,
How it throbs with a lovely red glow!
But when I really hold it tight,
See how much more it will grow!
Oh, my pussy is slowly dying
And my dear, you still keep trying
And now since I've seen it grow,
Screw me slow, screw me slow, screw me slow!
Five foot nine, from Palestine,
Changes water into wine --
Has anybody seen my Lord?
He's so neat, he's so cool
As he walks across my swimming pool!
Has anybody see my Lord?
Oh, if you run into, a five foot Jew
Loaded with hair,
With a view from Calgary,
You can bet he's got his cross to bear!
Holes in his hands, holes in his feet,
Three days later back on the street ...
Has anybody seen my Lord?
Just cast an eye in his direction..
Oh me oh my ... a resurrection!
Holes in his hands, holes in his feet,
Three days later back on the street
Has anybody seen my Lord?
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
12 tiny twats
11 lesbian tickers
10 dirty douches
9 gnawed off nipples
8 elegant assholes
7 semen samples
6 sacks of shit
FIVE ..... MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!
4 flopping whores
3 flying fucks
2 brass balls
And a hand job in a hair tree!
Check the balls on that big collie
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Suck his cock and make him jolly
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Down I go, what more can be said?
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Here he comes, now give him more head
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
I'm dreaming of a Black Christmas
To let those jive-town honkies know
When the switchblades glisten,
The roaches listen
To hear blood drip in the snow.
I'm dreaming of a Black Christmas
With every bomb threat that I write.
May your days be gloomy and dark
And you next door neighbor be a narc!
I'm dreaming of your big penis
Just like the one I used to know.
One that glows and glistens
And then it stiffens--
Oh, Lord, I love to watch it grow!
I'm dreaming of your big penis
And every thrust you'll give to me.
May your fucks be lasting and tight
And you be laid each morning, noon and night.
Chorus:
We're off to see the Wild West Show
The elephants and kangaroos
No matter what the weather,
As long as we're together
We're off to see the Wild West Show!
Speaker: In this corner we have the tattooed lady!
Group: The Tattooed lady?
Amazing!
Fantastic!
No shit!
Tell us about the mother fucker!
S: The tattooed lady has a W tattooed on the inside of one thigh and a W tattooed on the inside of the other thigh and when she does cartwheels, it says "WOW, MOM, WOW!"
Chorus
The Bengal Tiger ... the only pussy that eats you!
The Oh No Bird ... whose genitals hang lower that its feet. When it comes in for a landing, it screams, "Ohhh Nooo!"
The Tattooed lady's sister ... she has Christmas tattooed on the inside of one thigh and New Year's tattooed on the inside of the other thigh. She'd just love to have you up between the holidays.