2/24/00
1:07p
this is the first transmission in some time.
i hope you haven't lost interest in my mania. i think that everything
is truly falling apart. misunderstandings come from all sides.
everyone thinks that i have betrayed them. and they are right.
i couldn't keep my word if i tried. it's an impossibility.
i sat in the bathtub today for quite some time today, thinking. there
was no soap so i just sat there, watching the dry skin fall off of my body
and float on the top of the water. my eyes are going dark.
i look at old photographs of myself and see the look of a young ambitious
man, full of dreams of being something that i don't hate. now i look
at myself in the mirror and think, "what have i become?" everything in
my life is a goal or a lie. i have no actual existence. when
were they supposed to teach me how to be a human? maybe i didn't
go to school that day. maybe i never should have gone. i am
the biggest cancer in my loved ones lifes. i am a burden. i
am the worst accident ever created.
moon beams and puppy dogs butterflies and flowers
oon beams and puppy dogs butterflies and flower
on beams and puppy dogs butterflies and flowe
n beams and puppy dogs butterflies and flow
beams and puppy dogs butterflies and flo
beams and puppy dogs butterflies and fl
eams and puppy dogs butterflies and f
ams and puppy dogs butterflies and
ms and puppy dogs butterflies and
s and puppy dogs butterflies an
and puppy dogs butterflies a
and puppy dogs butterflies
nd puppy dogs butterflies
d puppy dogs butterflie
puppy dogs butterfli
puppy dogs butterfl
uppy gods butterf
ppy dogs butter
py gods butte
y dogs butt
dogs but
dogs bu
ogs b
gs b
s
nothing
now and again i can listen to my own voice and
not want to throw up. i have this reaction to other voices as well.
"we have no time fr foolin around, sarah. got to get the car back
before mother finds me here. if she does, i won't be able to go to
prom." happy lil brother. god speed. goodbye.
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