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its funny how i need you when i'm broken, the rest of the time i think that i'm alright. the streetlights fade from view as i run away
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January 4th, 2005 - Sincere

    
How many people these days even know how to be sincere, I wonder? Relationships are maintained at a healthy level as long as there is something to gain, even if the gain is simply humour or amusement. But as soon as the gain, is gone, so the friendship usually follows, either degrading or disappearing totally. People are always telling me to just be myself, and people will naturally like me for who I am. Well, apparantly 'myself' is too complicated for most people, and so when I show a little bit of the depth - both good and bad - that really makes me who I am, people stop paying attention.
You see, as long as I'm playing the part of the happy-all-the-time, humourous, nothing-is-wrong-with-me kinda guy, things are fine. But why is that as soon as you run into a problem, or are going through a rough spot, even depression, the 'good' friends seem to all but disappear? They don't have time to 'deal' with you. You are too much of an inconvenience to them because you aren't happy, and of course, why would they want to hang out with somebody who's feeling down? That wouldn't be much fun. And of course, it's all about fun.

There are, of course, exceptions. Every now and then I meet somebody who is genuine, somebody who will be your friend even when you're a miserable wretch, not because they have anything to gain, but because they care. People with sincere hearts put the needs of their friends before their own. They'll go out of their way to help, or to comfort, or to simply listen. You would hope that the world would be more full of these people, but sadly they seem to be the minority. Even in my Christian circles, rarely have I found these truly genuine friends. I do consider myself lucky to have found some this year. I suppose that it makes me cherish them even more, but I still lament the abscence of sincerity in the majority of people I encounter.
Well, a new semester brings renewed hope, and hopefully some possibilities for meaningful relationships that go beyond the surface and dig deep. I guess we'll see...