PAIRING : Spike POV

RATING : PG14, language, death

SPOILERS : "the Grave"

DISCLAIMER : I do not own these characters.

I thought it would feel different. In the few short moments it took- I thought it would feel different. I remember thinking "this is gonna feel different" right before I passed out.

But it didn't. I mean- it *did*- as far as pain. But afterwards? When all was said and done? It didn't feel different at all.

Ya really gotta wonder why?

Of course I really don't wanna dissect it *too* much because hey- I just got everything I wanted and *that* hasn't happened in a LONG time.

I look down at her and she really looks quite peaceful in her sleep. She has *no* idea what happened. I'm *sure* she'll have questions and she'll probably ask why it didn't feel different, for about two seconds, before she's hungry.

I know what *did* feel different. Having that blasted chip sucked out of my brain. *THAT* felt extremely different. So did sinking my fangs into the first person they'd been in, in over two years. *THAT* was *amazing*.

I finally felt like *me* again.

And I knew what *that* meant.

I touch her face and how beautiful she will be when she wakes! I can hardly wait. It was never my strong suit. Of course I was never waiting for a prize as great as *this*.

So I'm sitting here, in this motel room, waiting and wondering why it didn't feel any different.

He *did* say he was returning my soul. And we all know how *that* worked out for my ninny of a sire. So why doesn't it feel different?

Again- I really don't care. All I know is that it either didn't work, or I'm just a vile boy. What did she always call me? Evil and undead? Sadistic? Well- bitch is gonna see exactly how sadistic I am. And we'll see exactly how sadistic I can make *her*.

And there is *no* way she can argue with me on the finer points of my screwed up love for her *now*. Can she?

No. She can't. Because when all is said and done, I'm her sire and she's my childe. And that's all that matters now.

~El Fin~