I looked up from the proofs from the photo shoot we had done the previous week and smiled when Brian walked in carrying a package. "Hey buddy, let me guess a Leighanne care package? Damn she spoils you"
"Actually it's for you. They sent it to my room by mistake" Brian handed me the package and grinned, waiting for me to open it.
I smiled when I saw the handwriting. "Avery" I whispered and tore open the box. Inside was a key and written on the tag attatched to it FREEDOM. "Holy shit this can only mean one thing. The divorce came through."
"What does that mean to you?" Brian interrupted my happy moment. I knew what he was implying. I thought back to my last night with Avery 3 months before.
~~flashback~
"Avery, do you ever think of me?" I stroked my best friend's legs as we sat stretched out on her couch. Her legs were resting in my lap and she was staring at me.
She laughed "I think of you every day Nick, good lord how can I not"
"That's not what I mean, do you ever THINK of me?"
"You mean in a sexual kind of way?"
"Yes, or even in a relationship kind of way"
"We are in a relationship. Our friendship is way more intense then any physical relationship I have ever been in. Nick what we have is one in a million. I love you"
"But not I love you in a spend the rest of your life loving me relationship" I said softly.
"Nick my feelings for you are pure and I am sure if we had met before my heart was stolen and left in tatters then we probably would have hooked up but not now, not at this time. I can't trust my love, my heart forever in the hand's of just anyone. The person who I will give me heart to has to be patient with me, has to understand that I am delicate. You will probably be old and grey by the time that happens. Don't wait for me to love you. Go out and find the woman who your heart belongs to. I will always be right beside you to kick the supreme shit out of any woman who hurts you. I love you Nick of Time. Nothing is ever going to change that"
I hugged my best friend tight and felt my heart breaking. I had come to the realisation the day at MTV when I answered the question about Avery and I. I had come to realise that the woman who had taught me to live, taught me to laugh and taught me to love was the woman who I had been loving from afar all along. I would never give up until my best friend became my lover.
~~Present~~
"I don't know what to do. Dee and I are getting along great, what happens if I try this and it falls apart. Then what happens?"
"Nick I like Dee, I like her alot and if I didn't know that Avery existed then I would probably say stay with Dee but I can't. I know that you and Avery are meant to be. Listen to your heart and let your feelings do the rest"
~~later that evening~~
I played with the key that Avery had sent me. What did it mean, what did it stand for? I had tried calling Avery but there was no answer and I was confused, anxious to talk to her. I heard the soft knocking on my door and I walked to open it. Standing on the other side was the woman who I had been thinking about all day. "AVERY" I grabbed her and hugged her tight. "What are you doing here?"
She held up a key that matched the one she had sent me "I have been waiting all day for you to realise that this was a room key. I have been next door waiting for you to realise that I wanted to spend my first real day as a single and free woman with my best friend. Besides Brian almost flipped when he heard that I had never seen my best friend perform so he flew me out to see you"
"Brian was in on this?"
"Nick there was no room number or adress on the box, how could it have gotten here without that" Avery teased.
"God I am glad you are here"
Avery and I spent the day sight seeing and catching up. It had been 3 months since we had seen each other and although we talked every day we were craving the physical side, the smiles, the arm punches and the hugs.
"So tell me about this beautiful girl you are seeing" Avery broke into the topic I had been tiptoing around.
"Dee is wonderful, she is funny, she is smart and"
"She is drop dead gorgeaus, with a body to boot and making millions by walking the runways. I know Nick. I saw her, I saw you at the versace show on tv. You guys look wonderful together" Avery squeezed my hand to show that she was sincere. "I do have a bone to pick with you though"
I groaned "What?"
"You told me you were attracted to brunettes. She is platinum blonde for god's sake"
I grinned and walked away.
~~**~~
I was supposed to resting after sound check but my mind was content to replay images of Avery from that afternoon. I had forgotten how alive she made me feel. I was happy with Dee but Avery made me feel incredible. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.
"Nick" My eyes opened and I smiled when I saw my best friend sitting on my bed staring at me.
"Aves what are you doing?"
"Watching you sleep, wishing that I had the courage to tell you what I had just told you while you were awake instead of snoring"
Her expression was soft, almost delicate and child like. I sat up and touched her face "Tell me, what is it that you have to tell me Avery?"
Her lips met mine and as we fell back on the bed frantically kissing my mind was trying to comprehend what was going on. Had she finally accepted her feelings for me?
~~**~~
She got in bed and turned out the light
I knew that something wasn't right
When I touched her I felt her sadness
While we were kissing it was pure madness
Did I hurt her? What did I say?
The distance now between us won't go away
Did you ever make love to a girl in tears
And wonder why she was crying
Was it too intense? Was she full of tears
Did she think I was lying
When I told her I loved her and I whispered in her ear
Before I made love to a girl in tears
It's easier to kiss than to talk
What does she expect? What does she want?
There's so much I wish I could give her
When I touched her I felt her shiver
If I lose her in the dark of the night
Will I regret it the rest of my life
When I told her I loved her and I whispered in her ear
Before I made love to a girl in tears.
My mind snapped away from the song that played non stop on my stereo. I was back home in Orlando, back home trying to figure out what had gone wrong 3 weeks before. What had started out as the most intense and incredible moment of my life turned out to my own personal nightmare. As Avery cried I made love to her, thinking that she was as moved by the intense feelings as I was. I should have paid more attention to the way she flinched when I told her I wanted to love her like that forever, that I wanted to marry her, I should have paid more attention to what my heart was telling me. Telling me that it was a mistake. That our love was not that type of love. As I filled her with my love her sobs grew louder. I remember trying to hold her and ask her what was wrong but the last time I saw my best friend she was struggling with her clothes, apoligizing and running out of the room.
I had been calling her non stop for weeks but she wasn't answering her phone and her assistant would only accept my messages with promises to tell her that I had called. Brian and the rest of the guys urged me to give her space, let her work through her feelings. It was obvious that she had not expected for the moment to happen. I don't know if it was the fear that I had hurt my best friend or the fear that I had come to the realisation as I made love to her that I loved her with all my heart but that the love we shared was not the love that would allow us to be physical. The moment was wonderful, making love to the woman I had loved for 2 years was incredible but that's all it was. It wasn't earth shattering, it was me making love to my best friend, not the woman of my dreams. If and when Avery ever made contact with me how would I tell her that we had made a mistake.
~2 days later~
I walked out of the dressing room and saw a velvet box on my costume. I opened it and started to cry when I saw a tiny bull holding an hour glass charm. I leaned up against the wall and read my best friend's beautiful writing.
"Nick
For whatever reason, that night was meant to happen. I think we both tricked ourselves into believing that we were meant to be togther. I think what it turned out to be was two people who were confused with the love they shared with one another. I never felt the bond we have with anyone else and I guess that I finally gave into the thought that we wouldn't love each other that much if we were not meant to be lovers.
I was wrong. I love you because you make me laugh, you make me smile and you make me believe that true love is possible. Nick I will love you forever, but I know now that I will probably love someone else. Not in the way that we do, that is impossible but I will give my heart to someone and I know that you will to. I know that when you finally give your heart to that woman that I will be standing beside you cheering you on and when you have your first little girl that you will name her after your best friend (if you know what's good for you) but that is the extent of our love.
Our love is one of a kind and you will be my best friend forever.
We have come a long way and I look forward to going an even longer way with you, my best friend. My Nick of Time"
I wiped the tears from my eyes and went to get dressed.
~~**~~
It took me about 30 seconds to find her eyes. She looked beautiful. Her eyes were shining, her mouth was painted in the widest smile I had ever seen. I saw her touch her charm and I in turn winked and touched my chest, the reminder of our special tattoo. I nearly broke into laughter when her eyes widened as Howie thrusted. We had come a long way. Our friendship had grown and things had changed but the one thing, besides how much we would always love each other was the fact that my best friend was still lusting after Howie. I winked and stuck out my tongue at her. "Easy Raging Bull" I whispered.
My mom always told me that there comes a time when you had to face your
fears. Avery and I had faced it and we were stronger for it.
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