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Chemelyn shut the door softly, and leaned back against it, a sigh escaping her. Her heart sang, her soul shouted, and her mind......well, her mind was consumed with thoughts of him. Dwaine. He was the most wonderful, kind, caring man in the entire city. No- the country. No- the world!
A little smile lingered on Chemelyn’s lips as she floated toward the kitchen. She proceeded to stand in front of the refrigerator with the door open, trying to decide what she wanted to drink. Several minutes passed, and Chemelyn finally chose to have nothing at all. A few more mindless minutes were spent in front of the stereo system trying to decide what sort of music to play. She concluded that no CD could top the symphony playing in her heart. A handful of minutes were then spent trying to determine which pair of pajamas to wear that evening. Finally, she resolved to stay in the clothes she had worn all day, simply because they carried Dwaine’s scent. Even if they were splattered with dried paint.
Chemelyn lay back on the couch, her eyes half closed, arms thrown above her head. Dwaine was the last of the truly good men, except for Malone of course. Abruptly, a thought entered Chemelyn’s mind which caused her to jerk upright, eyes wide. Dwaine wasn’t the last. Howie. In her haste to fall in love, Chemelyn had entirely forgotten Howie over the past week and a half. Guilt and longing filled her, welling up inside of her like a sickness.
How could she have forgotten for even a day? The man that she had so utterly fallen in love with through letters of the most intimate kind, lived across the country. Coincidentally, so did Dwaine, but still. At least she knew Dwaine in person. What if she and Howie were meant to be together, and they did not know it because they had never met. What now? Chemelyn moaned and buried her face in one of the couch’s pillows.
She had loved three men in her life. The first was no longer anything more than a distant memory, and the others......
Feeling a strong desire to be as close to Howie as acquaintance would allow, Chemelyn trudged up the staircase and came to sit on the window seat in her bedroom. She reached behind one of the cushions and withdrew a shoe box covered with floral wrapping paper. Gently lifting the lid, Chemelyn removed the contents from the box. She sat for a moment fingering the stack of letters, each still within it’s original envelope, each reread with care often, though not in the past week and a half.
A smile crept over Chemelyn’s lips as she visualized the day she had received his first letter. It had been a rainy day in mid-October. Malone had opened the restaurant, and was mixing a double shot latte when she had burst upon the scene. Malone had been even more ecstatic than she at Howie’s response. Each time thereafter, whenever Chemelyn had received a tan envelope with familiar writing in the mail, she had experienced joy and release at it’s utmost. Nothing could top that surge of emotion. Except maybe the feel of Dwaine’s arms around her, his breath on her neck, and a glass of red wine in her hand. Chemelyn drew in a deep breath, hoping to steady the sentiments which coursed through her with wild abandon.
How ironic it was. First, she had nothing, and now...she had the world in her hands. Who was the right person to share it with? Did she really have to choose? Couldn’t she just stay with Dwaine, and continue writing to Howie? Chemelyn’s heart shouted “NO!”. How could she be with one man completely -heart, body, and soul- when another held her in his spell? It would be emotional infidelity, and Chemelyn’s sensibilities were greatly offended by such a notion.
Licking her suddenly dry lips, and wishing that her throat wasn’t quite so parched, Chemelyn picked a letter at random from the stack. As soon as she had extracted the tan stationary from it’s envelope, Chemelyn knew immediately which letter it was. The page was torn along one side,and it’s material was severely wrinkled. Almost daily, Chemelyn had reread the beautiful words; it was her ritual.
A sad smile curved her lips as she began to read, her heart aching with the familiar longing.
“-You are the only one, I believe, who truly understands me. AJ gives it his best shot, but sometimes, simply does not succeed. To bad I don’t believe in reincarnation, or I’d swear that we were together in a past life!-”
There he was again. That name. AJ. Chemelyn frowned in puzzlement. Why was it, everyone had a friend named AJ except for her? Chemelyn shrugged and laughed at her abstract thought. “No one else has a friend named Malone, so there.” she teased the letter with a laugh.
How was it, that one man, living on the opposite side of the country, in a different city, on a foreign coast, could make her feel some kind of wonderful......
“Euphoria.” she murmured softly. “I have been in search of my euphoria when.....it was here, all the time. In my heart, and mind, and soul. My euphoria is my is right here.” she repeated, placing her hand on her chest.
Chemelyn sat for several moments, unmoving. Her gaze was unfocused, her eyes seemingly turned inward, evaluating herself. It was clear then. Chemelyn’s fear had been restraining her from being truly happy. Her fear of failure......rejection..... love....
“I have been a fool. In more ways than one.” Turning her attention back to the stack of letters in her lap, Chemelyn plucked another from the pile. It was the one in which they had confided their favorite places. Wistfully, Chemelyn began reading.
“-On the Florida coastline, there is a small cove, practically abandoned, as almost no one is aware it exists. Just about a mile down the line from it, I have begun to build some condos. I figured that the location was ideal, since it’s so close to my favorite place. I plan to live in the condos once they are finished, you see. The palm trees rise high around my cove. The water is sparkling blue, and the sand almost white. It’s a little piece of heaven; my piece. Someday, I’ll show it to you. I promise.”
He promised. In so many words, Howie had not only promised her his favorite place, but his heart as well. Throughout the letters was one recurring theme: love. Love of self, love of friendship, love of family, and love of the single most important person in your life. The one you would die without. The person who completes you.
Wisteria jumped up into Chemelyn’s lap then and gave a plantitive ‘meow’.
“Oh really? And what do you think I should do, Ms. Know-it-all? How much more experienced in matters of the heart are you?” Wisteria starred up at Chemelyn, unblinking. “Yes yes. There’s that handsome tabby on the second floor. But Wist.....do you really think he’s your type?” Wisteria’s eyes narrowed, and she moved from Chemelyn’s lap to lay beside her on the window seat. Chemelyn sighed.
Lightning flashed, and seconds later, the rumble of thunder followed. The night sky unleashed it’s rain, which beat a furious rhythm on the window panes. Chemelyn gazed at the drops forming on the window, watching as halfway down the glass, two streams of water joined into one.
*****
Howie sighed and flopped back on his bed. The hotel was becoming his second home, or so it seemed. He had spoken the truth to Chemelyn when he had said he stayed at the Fremont each time he visited Seattle. Nestling back into the pillows, Howie picked the telephone receiver up off his bedside table. He dialed his own number, and waited for AJ to answer.
“ Lo?”
“AJ?”
“Hey Howie! What’s up in Seattle?” AJ inquired, glad his friend had called once again.
“How’s my house?”
“What? No ‘Hi AJ! I miss you and your crazy antics. How are you holding up?’ All I get is a damn ‘How’s my house?’. What kind of crappy deal is this, anyway?” AJ teased with mock insult. Howie laughed along with his best friend.
“I’m sorry, okay? Hi AJ! I miss your lunacy. How’s it goin’ in the mental facility? How’s my house? Was that better, you loon?”
“Tons. So what’s up D?”
Howie sighed. “Everything. Everything and nothing at all.”
“Care to elaborate, or am I just supposed to be content reading between the lines?”
“I’ve fallen in love with her, AJ.”
“Hmm. Now, you know. That’s a shocker. I can honestly (not) say that I didn’t see that one coming.” AJ grinned into the phone, his sarcasm pouring through the line.
“Okay okay....so I loved her before, but I REALLY know her now, and my love has increased tenfold!” Howie defended.
“D....” AJ sighed. “The very first day you called me and told me she was beautiful, I knew you would fall for her. You know why?”
“Why?”
“Because. I’ve known you for ten years, and in all that time, you have never called a woman beautiful. They’ve always been ‘pretty, attractive, cute, elegant, comely, lovely, and stunning’. But never beautiful.”
“But what if-”
“No. There are no ‘but what if’s’ in this equation. The only two players here are you and her. Whether your name is Howie, Dwaine, or Phil. It’s just you and her.”
A pause on Howie’s end of the line ensued, and AJ let him digest his words. “AJ?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re my best friend.” Howie said quietly.
“I know. You’re the best guy I know Howie, and you deserve her....whoever this Chemelyn is. You do. Don’t kid yourself and trick your heart into believing that you’re not good enough. You are. You always have been.”
“Do you think she loves me?”
“When she kisses you, do you pull away and find a stunned yet peaceful look on her face? Does it take her a couple of seconds to open her eyes for fear that if she does, it’ll all disappear? Does she reach for you, place her hands on your face and bring your noses so close they’re almost touching, only to gaze into your eyes?”
Howie swallowed the lump in his throat. “Yes.” he breathed.
“Then I think you need to tell her, and soon.”
*****
Condos. Was everyone into real estate these days? “Maybe I’m in the wrong business.” Chemelyn muttered. She had come across yet another mention of Howie’s town houses. He seemed preoccupied with them at times and at others, he seemed completely unconcerned. As though he weren’t involved in them as much as he could be. Briefly, Chemelyn wondered what sort of real estate Dwaine was in.
Dwaine. Howie. The two most wonderful men on the face of the earth, and she had the misfortune of loving them both. A frustrated sigh escaped her. She sat back against the wall, her brow furrowed, toying with the letter in her hands.
A wild thought crossed through her mind, stopping her nervous movements. Howie and Dwaine could live near one another. Maybe even in the same city. They did, after all, both live in Florida, both were involved in real estate, and most importantly, both had friends named AJ.
Wait.....no, she could never do that, could she? No. Chemelyn had never been sneaky. She had never even eavesdropped on another person’s conversation. “But this wouldn’t be eavesdropping.” she pointed out to herself helpfully. “It’s sort of dishonest though.” Is it really? Would contacting AJ and asking him if he knew two men by the names of Howie and Dwaine be wrong? Would asking him if he could give her Howie’s number be wrong? Just for a call. One conversation. A way to make sure that Howie wasn’t......that he wasn’t an option. Or that he WAS an option? Chemelyn’s mind was about to burst with these crazy thoughts. When she felt she could take it no longer, Chemelyn broke down and bolted down the stairs, heading for the phone in the kitchen.
The other day, Dwaine had placed a long distance phone call from her apartment, and had spoken to someone named AJ. It was possible -barely- that Dwaine’s AJ was the same as Howie’s. The chance was slim, but Chemelyn knew she would never forgive herself if she didn’t try. She was already in too deep with her emotions for both men.
Her fingers shook as she dialed the only people who could help.
“Pacific Phone Company, Jenn speaking, how may I assist you?”
“Hello Jenn. My name is Chemelyn Clavaro and I’m a customer.” she began nervously. Chemelyn could feel Jenn smile into the phone as she responded,
“Hi Chemelyn. Can you give me your number and then tell me what can I do for you?”
“It’s sort of embarrassing, really. You see, I have this friend in Florida, and I placed a call to him the other day. The problem is, I’ve lost his number. I was hoping that you could....”
“Look up your record and find it for you?”
“Please.” Chemelyn sighed in relief.
“No problem.” The sound of Jenn typing away at her terminal came through the phone. “Here it is. The number is 555-6394, listed to a Mr. Howard D. Dorough.”
Silence filled the connection. Chemleyn finally found her voice.
“Excuse me?” she choked. “Who?”
“Mr. Howard D. Dorough, Ma’am. Isn’t that the number you’re looking for? My records don’t show any other-”
“Thank you.” Chemleyn whispered and hung up. Slowly, her legs buckled beneath her and she sank to the kitchen floor. Howard D. Dorough.
*****
The following day, menacing gray clouds obstructed the sun’s view of the earth, threatening to rain at any moment. People scurried about the streets desperately seeking to get where they intended before the sky erupted.
Howie stood beside the fish vendor under the awning of the public market, awaiting Chemelyn’s arrival. Why she had insisted that he meet her here was beyond him. Surely, her grocery shopping could have waited until the dawning of a more favorable day. Seattle’s chill winds gusted, and Howie pulled his coat tighter around his body. Then he saw her.
Chemelyn stood across the aisle of the market starring at him. She looked haggard and tired. Dark circles accented eyes which were usually so bright and brilliant. It appeared as though she had spent the night awake and worrying over something. She made no effort to move toward him, so Howie slowly advanced.
“Hey,” he greeted softly.
“Dwaine, what’s my cat’s name?”
“What?” he asked in confusion. “Wisteria, why?” he replied without thinking. A tiny smile played around his lips as he remembered the letter in which she had described her “family”.
“Yeah. Well, I’m wondering......How would you know? You’ve never seen her. For the past two weeks, she’s been on loan to Malone. He needed the love of an animal while Derik was away briefly. Derik returned the day of the fire.” Chemelyn stated flatly, with an attitude Howie had never seen her exercise before, least of all with him. He opened and closed his mouth, fumbling in puzzlement for words. Chemelyn closed her eyes, and didn’t waste any more time.
“We can’t do this. I can’t see you anymore Dwaine.”
“Why?” he choked, shocked at Chemelyn’s sudden change of heart.
“There’s someone else.” she responded softly, her eyes opening to search his, begging. Howie took a deep breath to steady himself. The world spun and turned upside down. The only thing constant was Chemelyn -beautiful Chemelyn- standing before him. Still, he found he could say nothing. “I’m sorry.” she whispered barely audible, just as a loud rumbling thunderclap shook the city. The skies opened and rain began to pelt the earth. The drops hit the streets so hard, they bounced up again.
Chemelyn began to back away from him into the torrent. As she walked out of his life, Howie called after her the only thing he could think of.
“My middle name is Dwaine!”
Chemelyn paused in mid step, pivoting to face him.
“What?” she shouted to be heard over the downpour.
“My middle name is Dwaine!” he repeated, swallowing the lump in his throat. “My first name is Howard.”
He watched as her eyes narrowed slightly and her lips formed his name -Howie.
Abandoning his protection from the rain, Howie moved to stand several feet in front of Chemelyn, paying no attention to the drops which began to run down his face. They gazed at one another for many moments. She was soaked to the bone, and now, so was he.
“Dear friend.....” he whispered hoarsely.
“You lied to me.” Chemelyn stated softly. Howie nodded slowly. “Why?”
“Because. I was afraid.” he admitted just as quietly. “I didn’t know if you could love me back. If you couldn’t..... or wouldn’t......at least we would have the letters.”
Tears formed in Chemelyn’s eyes to match his own.
“I knew.”
“You knew?”
“Who you were. I just wanted to hear you say it. I wanted YOU to tell me.”
Howie drew in a sharp breath. “How long?”
“Since last night.” She pulled a slip of paper from her pocket, which was immediately ruined by the rain which still fell from above. With a little laugh, she said, “You shouldn’t have called your own house.”
“The phone bill?” he asked. She nodded.
“Sort of. I called the phone company.”
“Are you mad at me?” he asked, frightened of what her answer might be.
“Last night I was. I felt a range of emotions that I don’t know if you can understand. I didn’t believe it at first. Then I felt betrayed. I was so angry at you for keeping this from me! I had agonized about feeling so strongly for two different men, when really, there was only one. All of this was soon followed by embarrassment, insane happiness, and .... and.....”
“And what?” Howie prompted. Chemelyn’s jaw tightened; she took a deep breath.
“You were wrong, you know.”
“I know! I’m sorry, I should have never-”
“That’s not what I meant.” Chemelyn interrupted. “You were wrong about my ability to love you.” Howie’s eyes widened in disbelief. He swallowed hard, searching her face for sincerity. “Ever since I got your first letter in my box, I thought I could love you. That notion grew into a positive idea. That idea.......” Her lower lip quivered and tears dripped down her cheeks, mingling with the rain. “That idea grew into something I never imagined.”
“You are the most amazing woman I know, Chemelyn. You are my entire world." he paused, placing his hand over his heart. "I live my life for you, it’s true. I hadn’t realized that I did, but it’s undeniable. Getting the mail became the high point of my day. The possibility that a letter from your hands could be waiting for me, blew my mind. I know every word of every letter you’ve ever written. I used to lay awake and imagine you reading my letters, then writing a response. I would sit up all night gazing at the stars outside of my bedroom window, just to be sharing something with the woman of my dreams. I didn’t expect to come here and fall in love with you. I already was,” He finished, not having the strength or the voice to go on.
They stood starring at one another for what seemed an eternity. Slowly, hesitantly, Howie opened his arms to her. She let out a little cry, and raised a hand to her mouth. Her eyes slid closed and she took a steadying breath. Howie tensed waiting for her response. Chemelyn’s eyes opened, looked into his, and with a tiny smile on her face, she closed the distance between them, feeling his arms wrap tightly around her.
“Chemelyn......” he murmured against her wet hair, then pulled away so he could see her face. “I love you.” he said softly, looking deep into her clear blue eyes. He brushed away a strand of hair plastered across her forehead. Gently, Howie caressed her cheek with his hand. “I’m sorry I was afraid. I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m sorry if I turned out to be the kind of man you-”
“Don’t say it. Just don’t.” she commanded in a whisper, her tears making it hard to swallow. “I love you. I always have.”
“Really?” he asked, awe that she could forgive him marking his voice.
“Yes. It must have been all those stars we shared. They’re holes in the floor of heaven, you know. And if this isn’t heaven, I don’t know what is.”
Howie held back a sob, and held Chemelyn even tighter. She wound her arms around his neck, and felt herself lifted off of the ground, spinning in the air. As Howie set her down, he stepped back slightly to gaze at her. Chemelyn’s lips parted and she leaned into him. Tenderly, Howie bent his head to hers, pressing their lips together in a heavenly sweet kiss. Her eyes drifted closed, and Howie pulled her nearer.
Finally, the kiss broke, though not their hold on one another. “Come home with me.” she ordered softly.
“There’s no where else I’d rather be.”
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