MKG: Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule for this interview Mr. President.

GWB: The pleasure, I'm sure, is all yours.

MKG: Where to begin, where to begin...you recently returned from the APEC summit in Mexico, how did that go?

GWB: To be quite honest, not as well as I had hoped. Many of the world leaders still don't see the need to destroy Saddam Hussein and crush his evil regime into the dust of history. Not that I care, mind you. I'm President of the United States and I've been given the okay by Congress to destroy any nation in the world that opposes me. And you're either with me or you're with terrorist regimes like Saddam's Iraq.

President Bush has taken his warnings of Saddam Hussein to elementary schools. "He may looks like Super Mario," Bush intones, "but he has come to make the streets run red with your blood. Tomorrow, tell your parents about the nightmares you're sure to have tonight - and then tell them we need to kill Saddam Hussein!"

MKG: Yes, about that terrorism connection. While no one can honestly say that Saddam Hussein isn't a bloodthristy butcher, there is absolutely no proof that he is involved with international terrorists. In fact, al-Qaeda is as much a threat to his government as it is to ours. Don't you feel that making false statements about Iraqi involvement in terrorism weakens your case instead of strengthening it?

GWB: That's just the sort of brainwashed liberal nonsense I expected from you peoples. Don't you listen to what I'm saying? Does it matter if it's true or not? Of course not! If I say he's a terrorist then he's a terrorist.

MKG: But isn't it true that in all the arrests of terrorists not one of them has been from Iraq? You have young men from Pakistan, Egypt, Saudia Arabia, Syria not to mention from Kuwait, which your father liberated from Iraq. There have even been two American citizens linked to al-Qaeda, but not any Iraqi people. Why?

GWB: You just don't gets it do you? I said they are linked to terrorism and that's all the media and the American peoples needs to know. Besides it's not like Iraq is the only country I plan on invading. Iraq is just on what we calls the "short list".

President Bush took time at the APEC summit to convince Russian Prime Minister Mikhail Kasyanov that his country should agree to a war on Iraq. "You're either with me, or you're going to be blown off the face of my planet," Bush said.

MKG: Can I ask who's on the long list?

GWB: (pulls a crumpled sheet of paper from his breast pocket) Well, there's the other axles of evil, Iran and that commie Korea to contend with. But I've also got my sights set on China, Germany, France, Italy, Spain, Poland, Russia and the former Soviet Bloc nations, and Great Britain with it's puppet regimes of Scotland and Ireland. There's also the entire African continent, the Middle East, Taiwan, the Philippines, Japan, Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand, Burma, South America, Canada and California. Actually, it's pretty much the whole world. Except Mexico. I like the Mexicans. They're willing to do hard labor for a nickle. That's what this country needs more of. If more Americans worked for a nickle an hour our economy would get right on track.

Prior to the APEC summit President Bush took a moment to tango with Mexican President Vincente Fox. "Sometimes you needs to dance with a man and look him in the eye to understand where he's coming from," said Bush.

MKG: Wow, looks like somebody has a lot of work to do.

GWB: (laughing) Yep, I like to think of the world as my personal Risk game. And I play to win! But first comes Iraq.

MKG: Since it's inevitable that we will invade Iraq, what are the long term plans once your mission is complete?

GWB: Well I'm glad you asked me that. See, when I ran for the position of dictator - excuse me - President, I promised that I would not use our military for nation building. And I'm gonna stick by my guns. Therefore, I will make Iraq our 49th state with General Tommy Franks as Imperial Supreme Military Governor. And the state capital will be in Baghdad, although we'll be changing it's name to Bushdad in honor of my daddy.

MKG: Wow!

GWB: (proudly) Yep, and that ain't all. Since Guanotaco Bay is getting full we'll be hiring Halliburton to build us our biggest detention facility yet over in Bushland. That's the name of the state by the way. And I was thinkin' of having (Halliburton) make a golf resort too and calling it "Stay The Course". Get it?

MKG: So is the detention facility going to be called Camp Bush-ray?

GWB: Actually, I was thinkin' of calling it the Ann Coulter Liberal Deathcamp. Yep, that about says it all.

MKG: Does Ann know about this?

GWB: Oh yes, and she's quite pleased. I told her over the phone and it sounded like she had an organism! She then asked if she could toss the first liberal into the ovens and I said sure, why not? God bless her, she's a real American.

MKG: Speaking of real Americans, Senator Paul Wellst-.

GWB: Look, I had nothing to do with that! You can't prove anything! I wasn't even in the country at the time! There isn't anything illegal about picking up the phone, calling a couple guys and saying "remember when Ashcroft was running for the Senate?" Not that I'm admitting to doing anything like that, of course.

President Bush gestures to Republican candidate Norm Coleman during a memorial service for Senator Paul Wellstone. "Gotta loves them strange aircrashes," quipped Bush.

MKG: Actually, I was just going to ask your thoughts on Senator Wellstone. But now that you mention it, Norm Coleman did say you were the one to convince him to run against Wellstone instead of running for governor of Minnesota.

GWB: Norm who? I hardly know the man.

MKG: Not only that, but Vice President Cheney called Minnesota House Majority Leader Tim Pawlenty and asked him not to make a run for senate, so that Coleman wouldn't face a primary challenger. Did your administration do that in any other primary races?

GWB: You know, this is why I hates reporters. You're always asking questions. I mean, does someone pay you money to do it?

MKG: And don't you find it strange that the only anthrax letters mailed to the D.C. area went only to senators Daschle and Leahy, top members of the Democratic party?

GWB: Nah, that's not strange, that's just common sensical. I mean, we can't risk killing Lott to make it look good. No, wait a minute...

MKG: You know, in the interest of my personal safety I think I should probably just end this interview, go home, burn my tape recorder and forget the past 24 hours.

GWB: That would probably be best. I can get you a job at CNN or Fox if you want.