Emboldened by his new popularity, Bush opened a recent press conference by singing "Bad to the Bone".


Bush Scores Big


President Bush is at Camp David this weekend, resting on his laurels after a well-received address before a joint session of Congress on Thursday night.

In light of the unprecidented tragedy of September 11th, the administration knew it would be the most important speech of Bush's presidency and wanted to ensure success.

Writers for the president worked on several drafts of the speech before Bush was satisfied that it sounded intelligent and didn't require him to "speaks a lot of those big words".

Speech Highlights
--The president made several demands of the Taliban regime of Afghanistan, including the turning over of all terrorists, the closing of terrorist training camps and the release of all imprisoned American citizens. He made it clear that the terms were "not open to negotiation or discussion."

--President Bush announced the creation of a Cabinet-level position that would report directly to himself, the Office of Homeland Security. Bush appointed his good friend Tom Ridge, a Pennsylvania Republican, to head up the new office. Ridge would be in charge of overseeing various federal departments and agencies, as well as state and local governments. Bush later declined to say whether it would also include faith-based initiatives like the newly-created Christians for Condoned C.I.A. Killings.

--Bush cautioned that the war against terrorism would not quickly be over, claiming it would be "a lenghty campaign unlike any other we have ever seen". Bush also vowed his resolve would remain strong throughout and that "to ensure it's success, I am hereby suspending all future presidential elections and discarding the term-limit of my office until this battle againt evil is over; even if it takes a hundred years."

--The president also told of plans to have himself "cloned a thousand times" and claimed his "fellow selves will be hidden around the world so that no matter what ill may befall, one of me will always be there to lead you."

--Bush took time to acknowledge that the beliefs of Muslims are not those of the murderous extremists who engage in the atrocities of terrorism and befoul the Islamic faith. He warned Americans not to lash out in angry reprisal at those of that faith or at those who hail from the Middle East. "I know there is rage in your heart, and it is hard to contain," he said, "but before you lash out, imagine the head-covering they wear is stamped 'Holiday Inn' and maybe you will lighten up a little bit and not do something regrettable."

Bush's speech was greeted enthusiastically by members of Congress, who peppered his near flawless delivery with thunderous applause. This came as no surprise to Bush who figured that "since they was callin' it a 'joint session' I knew they'd be all high and stuff and would clap at anything."