Title: Ghosts of the past 3

Author: Morgana (morganalebeau@yahoo.com)

Website: http://www.oocities.org/morganalebeau/

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Ghosts of the past

By Morgana

 

Chapter Twelve

"Remy? Remy!" Logan said urgently. The blank stare in the red eyes made him nervous. "Hope ya heard what I jus' said. Not sure I can say it again," he whispered and smiled.
"I heard you, mon ami," Remy mumbled shattered. A single tear made its way down his cheek and he needed a moment to recompose himself. Had Logan really admitted to being in love with him? //Non, can' be happenin'!// he thought upset.
"Hey." Tenderly, Logan ran a finger over the bruised skin. "That's all ya got to say?" If Jean hadn't assured him that Remy was in love with him, he would have felt terribly awkward.
//Lie to him! You can' tell him de truth!// Remy's thoughts ran in endless circles. He wanted to confess his love as well, but couldn't. As he wanted to look down at his hands, Logan stopped him and held his stare.
"Talk to me, Remy," Logan whispered and softly brushed the Cajun's lips. Surprised, he realized that the young man trembled at the touch. "Am I so wrong about ya? I thought ya liked me too."
Unable to speak, goose flesh appeared all over his body. Logan's kiss had been incredibly gentle. NO ONE had ever kissed him like that before. "I. . . am honored, Logan, Mais. . ."
Hearing that little word Logan KNEW something was wrong. "But?" He could almost see Sinister's face loom over Remy's, keeping him back from being true to his feelings.
"You can do much better," Remy started. As Logan wanted to interrupt him, he shook his head, realizing he had to do this right. "Non, cher, listen to me now. I ain' good enough for you. I'm damaged goods and I pray dat you will never find out how tainted I really am. . ." Remy paused to regulate his breathing, which had turned rapid. "I told de professor dat my past ain' pretty. . . let's leave it at dat. I can' make you happy, cher."
Logan had waited for Remy to finish, slowly realizing that the Cajun was rejecting him. "I've had enough of this, kid." Logan grabbed the blanket, wrapped it around the young man's body and lifted him from the bed. "We're goin' to settle this... my way."
"What are you doin', homme!" Remy yelped and tried to free himself as Logan carried him out of the med lab. This wasn't according to plan! "Henri! Help!"
Hank stepped out of his office with a big smirk on his face. Unintended, he had heard part of their conversation, as he had been keeping an eye on his patient on screen. "Don't leave the mansion and don't forget to bring him back!" he quipped and returned to his tea.
Shocked, Remy's eyes grew big and Logan couldn't help laughing. "No help there," he told the baffled Cajun.
Pleadingly, Remy caught Logan's eyes. "I don' know what you're up to, mais. . . I won' tell you!"
"Ya will," Logan said between clenched teeth. //Professor?//
//Yes, Logan?// Charles had registered Logan's action and approved of it. Logan knew how to get through to Remy.
//Burrowin' one Cajun!//
//Let me know what you discover.// Charles smiled and returned to his work.
"Let me down!" Remy yelped, as Logan carried him out of the mansion and into the garden. "You can' do dis. . ." But slowly he realized that Logan WAS doing this.
"Relax, kid. I'm jus' takin' ya some place where we can talk." THIS time he would make sure that Gambit had no way out. THIS time Remy was going to tell him the complete truth about Sinister.
"De boathouse?" Remy finally realized their destination. It took them five minutes to reach the house and all that time he continued to plead with Logan. "Let me go, Logan, please! I can walk. . ."
"Nope, I ain't goin' to chase after ya!" Logan replied time and time again.
~~~~~~
After kicking the door open he finally placed Remy back on his feet. "Sit down!" he commanded and walked Remy over to the couch.
Remy couldn't help remembering waking up in the living room, his head resting against Logan's chest, those strong arms holding him and feeling completely at peace in that embrace. How he wished he could have that for the rest of his life! But it was only wishful thinking. Logan would eventually realize that too.
"We're goin' to start all over," Logan said after closing the door to keep out the chilly wind.
"Don' do dis, cher," Remy begged.
"Oh yeah! I am goin' to do this, because I'm getting' sick and tired of yer little secrets!" Logan sat down beside Remy who tried to squirm away. "Stay, Remy. Don't make this anymore difficult than it already is!"
Remy pulled the blanket closer to his body. All he was wearing underneath it was a medical gown. His hair dropped in front of his face and he tried to shut out Logan's feelings, but the older man's love was warm and hard to block. And then there was that determination! If only he hadn't fucked up like that in the past, they might actually have worked.
"I love ya. . . that was the last thing I said and ya have to come up with a better answer than the last time." Logan had started to calm down and realized how haunted Remy's eyes looked. To reassure the young man he gently pulled him into an embrace and after a second of doubt, Remy rested his head against his chest. //Damn, this feels comfortable!//
"Remy, I love ya," he repeated and looked into the Cajun's eyes. "Now give me an honest answer. Do ya love me?"
Remy wanted to bring up another reason why they couldn't be lovers, but Logan leaned in closer and gently kissed his lips. He moaned unwillingly, as Logan's tongue traced the inside of his lips and he melted into the embrace, pressing himself against that warm body when suddenly he realized what he was doing.
"Do ya love me, yes or no?"
"Logan, I can'. . ." he sobbed silently. Why was Logan doing this to him?
"Yes- or- no!"
"Oui," he whispered in a pained tone. "Je t'aime."
"Good, now that we established that our feelings are mutual yer goin' to tell me why ya wanted to reject me in the med lab." Logan gently brushed a stray lock away from Remy's face and caught one tear with his fingertip. Licking it, he tasted the salt in it. "Why does Sinister scare ya?"
Remy no longer had the will or strength to continue lying to Logan. The man wouldn't let him go before he knew the truth, or at least part of it. "You're sure you want to hear dis?"
"Yeah," Logan sighed and pressed kisses on Remy's trembling fingertips, amazed at the passion he felt for the Cajun. //And I wondered if I could love him back!//
"You'll hate me later," Remy sighed, his tone filled with regret.
"I won't."
"You will," Remy whispered convinced. "I was. . . 17 when I had to leave de thieves' guild."
"Ya got into a fight. . .?" Logan remembered that Storm had mentioned something like that when Remy had just joined the X-Men.
"Oui," Remy confirmed. "Had to leave Naw Arlings and had to survive on my own. You know dat I ended up working for. . . him."
Logan noticed the tremors rocking the young man's body. "Take yer time, Remy."
"Non," Remy objected. "Or I will never again find de courage to do dis." He stared at Logan's fingers, intertwined with his and couldn't help smiling a little. "Have I ever told you about my charm power?"
Logan nodded his head. "Ya bragged once that ya could get any woman ya wanted using that charm power of yers."
"Not every femme, non?"
Logan sighed, "Rogue."
"Oui." Remy placed his other hand on top of their twined fingers and leaned into the embrace. This would all be over in a few minutes. "When I was dat young I couldn' always control de charm. Affected people without me wantin' it. Hoped dat Sinister could help me control it."
Logan briefly held his breath as an ominous feeling grabbed his throat. "Yer ain't tellin' me that Sinister. . .?"
Gingerly, Remy nodded his head. "Sinister once told me dat Apocalypse had taken his conscience away from him, togeder wid his feelings. . . dat he couldn' FEEL anymore."
"Yeah, Apocalypse made the sadistic bastard almost indestructible." Logan tightened his hold on Remy, as the young man tried to slip away from him. "Tell me the rest."
"My charm. . . I never wanted it to happen," Remy stared at their hands and his breathing slowed down now that he had made the decision to tell Logan the truth. "De charm made him FEEL again and he didn' want to give dat up."
"You left out a lot, didn't ya?" Logan rocked Remy in his arms, finally realizing how hard this was on him.
"Oui," Remy whispered in an emotionless tone. "At first he just wanted me close. . . and I wanted to get away from him. . . I couldn' control de charm and it hit Sinister. He. . . wanted me."
Logan's eyes shot flames. "And ya couldn' fight him off?"
"Non," Remy trembled with remembered pain, "Chargin' power wasn' dat strong back den."
"What did ya do?" Logan cocked his head and his eyes caressed the tear stained face. Tenderly, he wiped them away with his hands.
"Couldn' do dat much. I let him have his way wid me." The tears stopped and his heart missed a beat, as he finally spoke those liberating words. "He took what he wanted and I let him."
"I'm sorry, kid," Logan whispered and kissed Remy's tangled locks. Their hands where tightly twined and that kept Gambit from pulling back. "Go on."
"Eventually, he seemed to lose interest in me. . . He offered to let me go if I gadered de Marauders for him. After leadin' dem into the tunnels he would stop stalkin' me."
Remy's voice broke into shattered pieces and sobs echoed through the room. Logan continued to rock him. "I'm goin' to kill the bastard the next time we meet," he vowed passionately.
Speechless, Remy listened to Logan's heartbeat, so terribly close to his ear. He expected the Canadian to tell him to leave, that this was a mistake. "It's okay, Logan. I know you can' love me. . ."
"Hell, I can!" Logan growled infuriated. "This what ya were thinking of when ya said that ya were protectin' yerself?"
"I don' want anyone to know what. . ." Remy surrendered to the rocking motion and closed his eyes. "Dey will loathe de sight of me. . ."
"No, that ain't true," Logan assured him, "not everyone needs to know, but. . ."
Remy knew what Logan was about to say. "De professor, Cyke and Henri. . ."
"Yeah, they should know." Logan shifted his position, but never broke the embrace. "Come on," he said and pulled the startled Cajun to his feet.
"You're goin' to kick me out now, non?" Logan's love had been too good to be true. He should have kept his mouth shut!
"No, I'm goin' to take ya back to the mansion." Logan folded an arm around Remy's waist to keep him steady, but then realized that the Cajun was barefooted and the ground outside was drenched with rain. "Looks like I'm goin' to carry ya again, darlin'."
His heart pounded at hearing that last word. "Logan?" Remy gathered his courage and locked eyes with the Canadian. During these last few minutes he had done his best to lock out Logan's feelings. He had only partly succeeded, still experiencing Logan's intense anger. But was it aimed at him or. . .?
"Ya thought I would blame ya, didn't ya, Remy?" Logan understood the way Gambit's mind worked. "It wasn't yer fault dat ya got. . ." //Okay, I've got to say this to get the point across, but hearing it will hurt him. . .//
Scooping Remy up in his arms -something that had become second nature to him- he started again. "It wasn't yer fault that the bastard raped ya."
"Don' say dat!" Remy cringed, hearing that word. "I seduced him!"
Logan shook his head and glared at the young man. "Ya couldn't control yer charm and that makes it aright for him to lay his hands on ya? I don't think so! I ain't prepared to lose ya over this! Ya hear me?"
"Oui," Remy whispered taken aback. //Mon Dieu, he's tellin' de truth. . .// Logan's love for him hadn't diminished. It had grown! "You really love me?"
"Took ya long enough to finally get that through that thick skull of yers?" Logan quipped, but his heart was bleeding for the horror Remy had been through. //Damn ya, Sinister. He was only a kid when ya got yer filthy hands on him!// But then he realized that a lot of questions were still unanswered. "Why does he want ya to lose yer mind?"
Logan looked around and estimated that they were still a few minutes away from the mansion, but dark clouds were gathering above their heads. He didn't want Remy to catch a cold so he increased his walking tempo.
Remy slipped a hand behind Logan's neck and wondered about the Canadian. //He still loves me?// Confused, he remembered Logan's question. "I don' know, cher. . . I really don' remember what happened after. . . she. . .. left me."
"The nightmares," Logan probed, "What are they about?"
Remy trembled. "I'm strapped to an exam table and. . ."
"There you are!" Hank ran towards them. "Is Remy all right?" He had been waiting for their return and had grown worried as minutes had passed. "I told you not to leave the mansion!" he chided Logan.
"Had to talk things through." Logan refused to hand Remy over to Hank. "I can carry him. Ya better get Cyke and Chuck. Remy needs to tell ya somethin' and he's only goin' to do it once."
" Je doit?" Remy objected softly. "Now?"
"Yeah, now and then we're goin' to find the bastard. He's goin' too pay for what he did to ya!"

 

Chapter Thirteen

Jaded heart --
I realize you've heard it all before
Lies and promises, you don't listen anymore
How I hope that I will find a way
To break down all these walls that you have made
But my eyes see that it's too late
Dokken

Genosha.
Rogue had hoped to postpone this moment a little longer, but Magneto was already awaiting her arrival. However, she wasn't looking forward to the conversation. She had to admit though that it felt good to know being a mutant wasn't an exception here and that they accepted her presence.
"Rogue!" Magneto gestured her to come closer. He was seated behind a desk, awaiting new information. The fact that she had felt it necessary to leave the mansion worried him. 'Why are you here? We agreed that you would stay with the X-Men! I need your inside information!"
Almost a year ago she had agreed to work for him and she had done a great job. Charles had never realized that she was spying for him. She looked worried, haunted and he realized that she needed reassurance. He needed her to continue to work for him. "I almost finished my research," he said and approached her slowly. "Only a few more weeks and you can control your powers. You will be able to touch skin without the fear of accidentally killing someone."
Rogue raised her eyes to meet his, removed a glove and touched his face. "I trust yuh."
Magneto smiled. "You can trust me, Rogue. I will keep my promise." He clasped his fingers around her hand and pressed a kiss onto her palm. When they had been lovers, he had realized her weakness and now he was exploiting it. "Now tell me," he said as he returned to business, seeing the eager gleam in her eyes. "Why are you here?"
"They have taken in Gambit 'gain? and they know 'bout the cylinder." Rogue sat down and studied Magneto. She didn't really trust him, even if she had said so, but he was her only chance to lead a normal life one day in the future. When he touched her, her powers didn't affect him and he had promised to research this phenomenon. It was the one thing she had always dreamt of; being in control of her powers.
Magneto leaned back into his chair. "This news won't please our? 'friend'." He regretted ever making this bargain. "Letting Gambit live was a mistake."
"Ah couldn't kill him," Rogue muttered. "Leavin' him there while knowin' what would happen was bad 'nough."
"You did what you had to, Rogue," Magneto reminded her, trying to manipulate her. "We made a deal, you and I. Now, keep your of the bargain."
"Ah will," she mumbled. "So are yuh goin' ta tell Sinister what happened??"
Magneto shivered, as a cold wind coursed through his mind. The magnetic layer was shifting, announcing a presence. "I don't think that's necessary."
Rogue stared hard at the figure, which had now appeared in front of them. She already felt uncomfortable about her alliance with Magneto, but she despised the newly arrived mutant.
"I'm displeased," Sinister announced and his glance shifted from Rogue to Magneto. "I agreed to secretly support you in your quest to gain control in Genosha, but I insist you keep your word. I was so close to claiming him! And now?"
"What do yuh want from the Cajun anyway?" Rogue asked curiously. Sinister seemed obsessed with Gambit.
Sinister didn't even look at her, ignored her question and continued to address Magneto. "I will take matters into my own hands. The empath is mine!"
"Empath?" Rogue mumbled privately. "Never knew swamp rat was an empath!"
Finally, Sinister turned around to look at her. "You don't need to think. You were supposed to make sure that the X-Men would shut him out and you failed!"
"Ain't my fault that Logan got protective of Gambit!" she defended herself.
"What?" Sinister whispered the word in a dangerous tone. "What did you say?"
Rogue shrugged her shoulders. She was too deeply involved in this to get cold feet now. "Ah think Gambit worked his charm on Wolverine. Logan wanted ta kill me for leavin' Gambit in Antarctica."
Thoughtfully, Sinister pondered this admission. "So Gambit has a suitor?"
"Ah wouldn't worry 'bout that," Rogue said lazily. "Logan doesn't like men."
But that didn't reassure Sinister. "Wolverine and Gambit? I can't allow this to happen. I know just the person to terminate his existence."
"Yuh are goin' ta kill Logan?" Rogue whispered startled. This wasn't what she had signed up for. Magneto had assured her that no X-Men would be killed, not even Gambit.
"You stay out of this," Sinister admonished her. "Be very glad that I'm allowing you to continue your life. I should punish you for failing me."
Magneto had had enough of this. "Rogue won't get in your way."
"She won't," Sinister stated firmly. "Because I plan on completing my experiment personally."

The Mansion
Charles' eyes mirrored regret and concern. Gambit had shared his painful past with them and he admired the young man's courage. He suspected that Logan was the only reason why Remy had told them about his painful experiences with Sinister. "I never suspected you were in such pain," he admitted. "Your shields were so strong."
"Don' worry about it, m'sieur," Remy whispered softly. Embarrassed, he avoided Scott and Hank's eyes. He understood that his team leader and physician needed to know this, but he would never be able to look at them again without feeling ashamed. They knew now what he had let Sinister do to him.
Logan recognized the expression in Remy's eyes and soothingly rubbed the young man's back. "We don't blame ya, kid and in yer heart ya know that. There was nothin' ya could have done to stop it. It wasn't yer fault."
Scott nodded his head. "Logan is right," he said in a soft tone. Trying to ease the tension in the room he added, "Never thought I would ever agree with Wolverine?"
Logan shot Scott an irritated look, but then realized the man's true intentions. Cyclops had been quite a surprise, reacting the way he had and he was even starting to respect the man. Hank however, had been remarkably quiet and he wondered what was going on in that complex mind. "Hank?" Logan said, never taking his eyes of his new lover. It pained him to see that Remy avoided looking at McCoy. Shame was written all over Gambit's face. //He needs time,// Logan reminded himself.
"I'm furious," Hank finally admitted in a surprisingly calm tone. He should have seen the signs, instead of ignoring them, but the Cajun had fooled him completely. Angry with himself, he wished Remy had trusted them enough to share his pain with them sooner! No one should have to deal with something that traumatic alone!
"Furious?" Remy stuttered. Was McCoy furious with him? There were too many feelings in the room and he couldn't sort them all out. The protective shield that Xavier had erected earlier was losing some of his strength and he was now able to receive feelings from several persons at the same time. Thankfully, they weren't that intense any longer. Maybe he was getting used to them. //Mebbe my own shields are getting stronger!//
"Yes," Hank confirmed, "I knew Sinister was capable of truly sadistic acts, but this?" His sad eyes fixed on Gambit, finally realizing what this young man had already been through in his short life.
"You ain't angry wid me den?" Remy sighed relieved. He couldn't believe that they blamed Sinister for what had happened. His charm had caused Sinister to want him. They had got it all wrong! But at the same time, it felt good to finally get it out of his system. This secret would someday have suffocated him!
"Of course not, my Cajun friend!" Hank stated resolved, perplexed that Gambit had reached that conclusion, but the guilty and ashamed expression in the red eyes explained everything. Resolved, he decided that he wanted to be there for Gambit, should Remy decide to accept his support. Maybe some counselling would help the young man to get to terms with this. Hank wished Gambit would stop blaming himself for being raped.
"Ya see? Told ya they would understand," Logan said reassuringly and lightly squeezed his lover's shoulder. Remy's ashamed glance made him ache inside. Gambit looked lost and it would take time for the young man to heal. "Hank, can we go now or do ya want Remy back in the med lab?"
Remy felt uncomfortable, hearing that question. All he really wanted was for Logan to hold him and to assure him that his past didn't matter. That he didn't love or respect him less, now that he knew about Sinister.
"I do need to examine his blood one more time. I don't want to take any risks." Hank stated. He wasn't going to release Remy until he was sure that the last remnants of chemicals had left his body. If Gambit still had suicidal tendencies or showed symptoms of paranoia, he would keep the young man in the med lab for further observation.
"Let's get goin'," Logan decided and gestured Remy to get to his feet as well, wanting this over with. Once Hank had giving them the okay, he intended to talk to the Cajun, hold him and learn as much as he could about the younger man.
"Where are you going to stay? At the boathouse or??" Scott exchanged a glance with the professor. Both men knew that Gambit felt attracted to the Canadian and it looked like Logan returned those feelings, something that actually pleased him. "I would prefer it if you stayed at the mansion, Gambit." That way he could keep an eye on the Cajun. He had failed Gambit once and he planned on rectifying that mistake.
A slight blush crept across Remy's face, as he sensed Scott's gentle amusement, even contentment. //Etrange, never realized dat Scott's dis open minded.// Scott's offer did make him feel welcome, but?"Would like to stay at de boathouse, Cyke."
"Why?" Hank asked puzzled. "You need to be among friends."
Remy trembled at hearing Hank's remark. "Ain' sure I can deal wid all dese feelings and? not sure if de oders want me here." Apologetically, he looked up at Logan. He couldn't make this huge transition in a few hours after living like a hermit for weeks. Deep inside his heart he still feared that they would change their minds and kick him out again. It was safer to keep some distance and remain at the boathouse. That way he wouldn't get hurt so badly.
"What about this?" Scott started determined. He didn't want Gambit to flee the house again. "You stay here during the day? You need to start working out any way and after dinner you and? Logan can retreat to the boathouse and share some private moments."
//Scott!// Came Jean's mental reprimand. //You shouldn't do this, darling. Remy still feels incredibly insecure.//
//I'm only teasing them!// Scott objected. //You told me to loosen up!//
//My God, I unleashed a monster!// Jean sent jokingly.
Logan gave Scott a questioning look, wondering if the man had just insulted them or? "Ya sure that Sinister didn't get to ya too? Yer actin' funny, Cyke."
But Remy was seriously considering that suggestion. Scott was right. He needed to get back in shape and stop ducking people, but was he ready to take that step? Part of him just wanted to run away and never face life again.. "I accept?" and then quickly looked at Logan to make sure the older man approved of his decision. "Mais if you don' want to?"
"We accept," Logan corrected Remy, realizing the others already knew about their new relationship. It was good to know that they accepted this. To be honest, he had expected them to be prejudiced. "C'mon, darlin'," he whispered, using the word on purpose. Closely, he watched their reactions, but all he got were amused smiles. Except for Remy, who shot him a confused look.
Raising his left hand, he briefly caressed Remy's face. "Let's go to the med lab."
Automatically, Remy leaned into the gentle touch, savoring the caress. Only then he realized that Hank was grinning broadly. It surprised him that Logan wanted the others to know that they had become lovers. Obediently, he allowed Logan to pull him along for his check up in the med lab.
"Logan, why don't you fetch Gambit some decent clothes?" Hank suggested as he led Remy to an exam table. He wanted a word in private with his patient, but Logan seemed very reluctant to leave them alone.
Remy picked up on that hint and smiled at Logan. "It's okay, cher. You can find some clothes in my old room." It was incredible, but now that he had told them the truth, he felt terribly relieved, like a giant weight had been lifted from his shoulders.
Logan growled his complaints until he had left the med lab. "Cajun's already orderin' me around like a pup!" As he wanted to start climbing the stairs, he caught Bobby's scent. "Don't play tricks on me, kid. I ain't in the mood!" A chilly sensation crept up his spin. Bobby had frozen the back of his shirt.
"When you're in love, you aren't supposed to be grumpy!" Bobby quipped and walked up to Logan. The Canadian mystified him. "Never knew you were interested in Remy."
Logan eyed him suspiciously. "Why, were ya plannin' on hittin' on him?"
"I'm kinda jealous, yes," Bobby admitted and bumped into Logan as the older man stopped in his tracks. "It's not like that," he added quickly. "But I always assumed that I'm the only guy here who?"
"Likes men?" Logan finished for him. "Knew there was a reason why yer dates were disasters." Logan shook his head. //I refuse bein' his role model!// "Get yerself a boyfriend, Drake!"
In a shy tone Bobby said, "Wish it were that easy, Logan."
Turning around to face Drake, Logan caught the flustered face. "Ya worry too much, kid."
"So, it's true then?" Bobby said, returning to their original topic. "Remy and you are 'together' as in an item?"
"If ya want to phrase it like that," Logan sighed exasperated. In a moment of honesty he added, "I prefer? lovers."
"Never knew you were a romantic at heart, Logan," Bobby quipped, realizing he should stop bugging the Canadian. "Hope the two of you work out, Logan," he said sincerely and disappeared into his room.
"Kids?" Logan muttered softly. Drake's admission hadn't surprised him. He'd suspected for a long time that Bobby was attracted to men.
He had reached Remy's room and slowly pushed the door open, surprised that it wasn't locked. The room was a mess. Apparently, Remy had packed his things in a hurry, wanting to move out of the mansion as quickly as possible. He felt like an intruder. This wasn't his room. He wasn't supposed to be here.
"Just gettin' some clothes," he muttered privately and went through Remy's wardrobe, picking up some jeans and a black shirt. Just to be on the safe side, he also added a woollen sweater to the pile. Didn't want Gambit to feel cold. "Socks and shoes?" he reminded himself and collected them. A grin played on his face as he encountered the young man's collection of thongs. "Well, looks like I'm in for some surprises."
Something at the back of the closet drew his attention and after placing the clothes onto the bed, he reached for the item. "A sketchbook?"
His conscience told him not to open it. Remy was entitled to his privacy and he had no business nosing around like this, but his curiosity got the better of him. Sitting on the floor he opened the sketchbook and stared at the first pencil drawing.
"Kid's got talent," he whispered and whistled through his teeth. The first drawing showed Jean, smiling warmly and there was a distant look in her eyes.
Flipping to the next page, his admiration for the Cajun's talent grew. It was Hank, sitting on his heels and eating? Twinkies? He burst out laughing at the expression in McCoy's eyes. //Remy must have drawn them from memory. Never saw him sketchin'.//
He found drawings of Scott, Jubilee, the professor, Storm and Rogue. //Kid must have really loved her,// he realized, seeing the tenderness Remy had managed to put into her eyes. As he reached the last page, he stared down at a drawing of himself, smoking a cigar and strutting his grin.
Undecided, he closed the sketchbook again. Maybe Remy would want it close. It was obvious that the kid loved to draw, but handing it over meant confessing to nosing in his stuff. "Oh, what the hell," he whispered and added it to the pile of things to take to the med lab. He didn't want any more secrets to stand between them.

"Am I goin' to live, mon ami?" Remy asked as light hearted as possible. He wanted out of here, but Hank wouldn't let him go until the test results satisfied McCoy. No way he was going to give Hank a reason to keep him here!
"Yes, Gambit," Hank sighed and eyed his patient. "But only now I realize what you have struggled with for years. I'm so sorry that I let you down."
Confused, Remy looked into Hank's eyes. "What are you talkin' about, homme?"
"We should have given you enough reason to trust us. Instead you had to deal with this on your own. That must have been gruelling." Hank checked the latest test results and nodded his head. "You can leave the med lab once Logan has returned with your clothes, but you're going to follow my instructions. One, eat regular and high calorie food. Two, get at lest 9 hours sleep a day and tell me should you start to feel sick."
"De chemicals? dey're gone?" Remy asked hesitantly. Secretly, he loved the fact that Hank was this worried about him. Not many people used to fuss over him and he liked the concern more than he wanted to admit..
"Yes, but? Remy, you need to take things slow for a while. The professor will teach you to control your empathic gifts and?" Hank paused momentarily, "you know where to find me if you need to talk about Sinister."
"Merci, Henri, mais I feel more comfortable talkin' to Logan." Remy smiled apologetically. He did appreciate it, but still felt too ashamed to accept Hank's offer.
"I do understand," Hank replied and smiled. "It's good to see you smile again, Remy."
Feeling shy, Remy cocked his head. "Merci for bein' a friend, Henri."

 

Chapter Fourteen

Jaded heart--
You look but don't see
Love in front of you
You can't believe
Jaded heart
Jaded heart
Love can't get to you
To bring your heart to me
Dokken

Logan pulled the sweater down Remy's head. Even though the chemicals had left the Cajun's body, Gambit obviously needed rest. He'd been through a lot, which had taken its toll on him. "Found this in yer room," he said in an awkward tone and presented the sketchbook.
"Merci," Remy mumbled, savoring the warm sensation Logan was creating in his mind by just being here. "I forgot to take it along, oui." Shyly, he looked up into Logan's blue eyes. Hank had left them alone so he could get dressed and he felt strangely vulnerable. Never before had he met someone like Logan, someone he was actually willing to trust, no matter how badly hurt he would end up.
"I need to get some things from my room too," Logan said and smiled, seeing the timid expression in Remy's eyes. Gambit was quite a surprise. In private, the cocky Cajun disappeared and only a terribly vulnerable young man remained. "Wanna join me?"
Remy nodded his head and checked the time. "Do you want to stay for dinner?"
"Lemme guess," Logan snorted, "Ya just wanna get back to the boathouse ASAP."
"Vrai," Remy admitted. "I don' feel comfortable here."
Logan sighed softly. "We're stayin' for dinner and THEN we will return to the boathouse. Ya need to get used to bein' among people again."
"You're right," Remy whispered as he slipped into his boots. After combing his hair with his fingers, he picked up the sketchbook and looked up questioningly. "I'm ready, cher."
Logan nodded his head and curled an arm around the young man's waist. "I miss carryin' ya around." Remy chuckled. "Haven't heard ya do that in a long time," Logan whispered wistfully. "Yer feelin' better, don't ya?"
"Oui," Remy replied, as they walked into the corridor and he prayed that they wouldn't run into any people. Xavier's shield was weakening and his own needed more time to recuperate. "I'm only feelin' better 'cause you're here for me," he confessed in a shaky tone. Logan's love had given him the courage to try again. "You saved my life, cher."
Affectionately, Logan rubbed Gambit's back through the fabric. Speechless, he gritted his teeth. This young Cajun had managed to touch his heart and he realized that Remy had already become part of his soul. "We'll talk once we get back to the boathouse. I wanna ask ya so many questions?"
Remy smiled weakly. "I doubt you will like de answers." //Mais Logan knows most of my secrets now.// Except for his forced collaboration with Sinister, he hadn't committed any crimes?//If you don' count my thievin' days?// he thought a little distressed.
They had reached Logan's room and as the Canadian stepped inside, Remy followed hesitantly. This was Logan's room and he had never been here before. He wasn't sure Logan wanted him in here. The first thing he noticed was the Spartan interior. Apparently, Logan didn't believe in luxury. Only the bed with satin sheets looked fairly comfortable.
As Logan went through the room to collect his belongings, Remy walked over to the window. A beautiful weapon sat upon a cupboard and had caught his attention. "Is dat a katana?"
Logan raised an eyebrow. "Didn't know yer interested in weaponry." He threw his bag onto the bed and joined Remy. "Ever seen one before?"
"Oui." Remy nodded his head. "And dis thief knows it's very valuable."
"Of course, yer old man would have taught ya how to tell forgery from the real thing," Logan whispered.
"Actually, it ain' mon père who told me 'bout dis weapon." Remy smiled, sensing Logan's growing curiosity. "Spent 6 months in Tokyo?"
Remy's hesitation only fed his curiosity. "Ya were a long way from New Orleans, kid. Why?" His eyes had shifted from the katana to Remy's face. The bruises still reminded him of what could have happened, had the nightmares gotten hold of him. But even with the bruises Gambit looked breath taking.
"Dere's a lot of money to earn in dis department, cher. People pay a lot of money for de right objects, especially for a genuine katana Mon père wanted me to learn 'bout Japanese art and sent me to de University of Tokyo. Dey have dis short-term student exchange program and offer seminars on Japanese Studies, Dynamics of Japanese Cultural History, Aspects of Japanese Society? just never learned to speak de language."
Up until now, Logan had never wondered about Remy's education, but as a master thief it was only logical that Gambit had a vast knowledge of cultures and arts. "Never knew that."
"X-Men never asked," Remy whispered embarrassed. Maybe he was revealing too much to Logan, but the Canadian seemed genuinely interested in him. "Mon père was proud when I got my master's degree? Arts," he explained, feeling uncomfortable.
Tenderly, Logan pulled him closer, impressed by the young man's academic record. Yeah, Gambit had made a valid point. They had never been interested in his past. He wondered if the professor or 'Ro knew what talents Remy was hiding. "What do ya know about the katana?"
Remy rubbed his temple. "It's been years, cher," he whispered abesentmindedly, accessing his trained memory. "De katana is most commonly associated wid de Samurai of old. It represents not only deir weapon, but also "the soul of Bushi". Somethin' like dat," he added apologetically, peeking at Logan.
When he had just joined the X-Men, Storm had told them things she thought he needed to know about his teammates. She had also mentioned that no one knew Logan's real age. Due to the healing factor Logan's age simply couldn't be established. "Why do you keep a katana in here? Dey're considered sacred." He knew better than to touch it. Only its master was allowed to wield it. //How old are you, Logan and what secrets are YOU hidin'?//
"Maybe I will tell ya what the soul of Bushi really is," Logan muttered, highly impressed by Remy's knowledge of this ancient tradition. "I've got my things and now I'm hungry. Let's get somethin' to eat and then we'll return to the boathouse. Ya like that, darlin'?"
Deliciously sensual quavers coursed through his body hearing that last word. "No one ever called me dat and meant it," Remy stuttered honestly.
Logan nodded his head. "There's a lot ya need to tell me about Rogue and ya. Ya better get used to hearin' it, darlin'," he quipped and brushed Remy's lips who instantly leaned into the caress, but he released Gambit after planting another gentle kiss onto those delicious lips. Before this could go any further they needed to address a few issues.
Remy's stomach growled and Logan grinned. "Are ya goin' to eat or do I have to force feed ya?"
"I'll eat," Remy promised and hesitantly, treading on unfamiliar territory, he leaned in closer, gingerly kissing Logan's lips.
//This is the first time he's takin' the initiative,// Logan realized pleased and slowly deepened the kiss. Remy's tongue chased his and he enjoyed the little hunt. "Stop teasin' me."
But Remy's thoughts circled around something completely else. Now that his charm power was gone, he didn't feel that helpless any more. It wasn't affecting Logan and he didn't have to be scared that the charm would overwhelm the Canadian. //Dis is etrange? Logan is in control of his feelings and I can? trust him not to hurt me.//
Remy's thoughts were clearly written across his face and Logan's fingertips brushed his lover's throat. "Yer relieved that yer flamin' charm is gone?" He had wondered about this development, realizing it had to scare Gambit to lose one power and gain another!
"It's hard to believe dat's gone, cher," Remy smiled shyly. "First time dat I don' have to worry about?"
"People gettin' too close and hurtin' ya?" Logan phrased diplomatically, not wanting to disturb the moment's serenity. "We're gonna continue this later. Now, we're goin' to eat dinner."
Remy nodded his head. "You're ready to go, cher?"
"Yeah," Logan stated, relieved that Remy wasn't reacting that overly emotional any longer. They should have noticed that something was wrong! Instead, Sinister had almost driven Remy to suicide! "C'mon, darlin'," he whispered, relishing the soft blush that crept over Gambit's face whenever he used that word. Yeah, he definitely loved Remy.
Storm, Jean, Scott, Hank, Bobby and the professor had gathered in the dining room, waiting for Gambit to join them for dinner. Xavier and Jean smiled, sensing that the two men were approaching the dining room.
"Bobby, help me get the food from the kitchen?" Jean inquired, as she hurried off.
Feeling hungry, Bobby didn't give the request a second thought and followed her.
Scott hoped that dinner would go well. He wanted Gambit to know that he had a home here, even a family if he wanted to. Logan entered first and Scott noticed the way Remy was trying to hide behind the Canadian's back. He couldn't help wonder how long it would take Remy to learn to control his empathic gifts. "Glad you decided to join us," he welcomed them and gestured everyone to sit down.
Logan stayed at Remy's side, never leaving him alone. Gambit was still too fragile to fend for himself and he was more than willing to look after his new lover. Jean brought in the food and he sniffed appreciately. Steak, baked potatoes, greens? //I'm dyin' to sink my teeth into that steak!//
After Jean and Bobby had also taken their seats, everyone filled their plate, mumbling compliments addressed to the cook, Jean. Logan however, noticed the tiny amount of food laying on Remy's plate. //Well, it's a start,// he told himself, but was determined to make sure the Cajun ate enough calories. Remy really needed to gain some weight.
Jean and Bobby supplied the small talk, while Scott and the professor kept looking at him, which made Remy feel extremely unfomfortable, as he was unable to block their concern. Yes, he undestood that Xavier worried for him, after all he was still one of the professor's students, but Scott? Wasn't the man taking his role as team leader a little too seriously?
But no matter how hard he tried, Gambit couldn't detect any animosity or anger in their minds. Luckily, their feelings had become a soft hum in his mind, occassionaly curving when someone laughed at one of Bobby's jokes. He could deal with this warm echo in his mind.
"Yer okay?" Logan inquired softly. Remy had stared at Scott for a while and Logan was getting worried that his lover was sinking back into one of those fits of apathy.
"Oui, I'm fine, cher."
Storm smiled hearing the silent exchange. She liked the change in Remy's eyes and felt relieved. As the dinner progressed, she watched him in silence and whenever his hesitant eyes lifted to meet hers, she gave him a warm smile.
Remy sighed relieved. So far, so good. //Can' be dis lucky,// he mused. //Somethin' will ruin dis,// and he glanced at Logan. He relaxed seeing those warm blue eyes. Logan was his guardian angel and would help him heal? at least, he hoped so.

"You look tired, cher," Remy remarked, as Logan closed the door behind them. Now that they were back at the boathouse, he started to feel more comfortable.
"Ya got yer beauty sleep, kid. I've been up worryin' about ya." Surprised, Logan noted the changing expression in the Cajun's eyes. "What?"
"Not many people worry about me, cher," Remy said in a shy tone and peeked through the locks that had fallen in front of his face. "Let me carry our things up to the bedroom," he offered, but Logan stopped him.
Logan raised one hand and placed it on Gambit's shoulder. "Yer sure ya want me sleepin' that close to ya?" Feeling incredibly guilty for hurting Gambit earlier, his fingertips traced the bruises. "I'm too dangerous when the nightmares?"
Remy cocked his head and brushed Logan's hand with his cheek. "I need you close, cher."
"'Kay," Logan muttered. "I'm goin' to unpack the food stuff. Why don't ya get comfortable in bed?"
Remy smiled lazily. "Warm up the bed for you, non?" Briefly, he feared that Logan would insist on sleeping on the couch. Instinctively, he knew that he couldn't be alone at night yet. His own nightmares would torment him, but Logan's presence would keep them away. Maybe he could find a way to return the favor.
As he climbed the stairs, he wondered if he could also send emotions into people's mind. He was learning how to control the incoming stream of feelings and perhaps he could find a way to reverse the process. That way he could soothe Logan should the nightmares reappear or keep them from appearing in the first place.
Lost in thought, he unpacked Logan's bag and put the clothes into the closet. He shivered slightly, as he remembered that Logan still had some questions for him to answer. What were they about? Remy grabbed a pair of sweats from his own bag and changed into them. Although he had slept more in these last few days than during several weeks, he still felt awfully tired and he slipped into bed.
As he lay there waiting for Logan, he realized the uniqueness of the situation. He was so used to sleeping on his own that the mere thought of cuddling up to Logan made him tremble with anticipation.
"I hope for yer sake that I don't snore!" Logan quipped as he entered the room. Remy's expression had been so tense, that he had wanted to lift his mood a little.
"I wouldn' mind," Remy assured him and watched Logan's every move as the man took off his clothes and then put on the pyjama bottoms. //Ripling muscle,// he sighed blissfully, but recognized the undertone of fear in his own thoughts. //Strong enough to keep me down? like Sinister did.// Why the hell had he accepted Logan as his lover? The mere idea of being with a man still scared him after all these years.
Logan smelled that fear and reacted to it. "Want me to sleep on the couch?" His tone was honest and caring, trying to reassure his lover that no matter what Gambit decided, it was okay with him.
"Non, cher? don' go," Remy replied pleadingly. "I jus' need time."
"I understand that, darlin'. I really do." Logan slid underheath the comforter and waited to see if Remy would move into his arms.
Remy accepted the invitation and forced himself to relax, as Logan's arms loosely closed around him. //Logan loves me. I'm safe!// he reminded himself. Using Logan's chest and arm as a pillow, he rested his head on them. The skin on skin contact was unnerving, but at the same time tantalizing. Now that the chemicals were no longer affecting him, his awareness had also changed. Fear and excitement mingled in his mind and he wasn't sure which was stronger.
"Can I ask ya a personal question, darlin'?" //He's blushing 'gain!// Logan realized amused, as he peeked at the younger man. He loved holding Remy like this and placed a hand on Remy's left thigh, pulling it closer to his body until Gambit's leg was resting on his hip.
Quivering, Remy raised his eyes. Now that Logan had moved his leg, they lay even closer entangled. "Mais oui, ask." He had given up on avoiding Logan's questions.
"I was wonderin'," Logan started and fingered a lock of soft auburn hair. "Yer my first male lover? what about ya?"
//Merde!// Remy cursed privately. Why did it have to be THAT question? "Got a confession to make," he whispered in a guilty tone.
"Yeah?" Logan waited for his lover to continue, noticing Gambit's increasing fear. "Ya can trust me, darlin'."
Hearing that word made Remy give in and tell the complete truth. "Only Sinister?"
Shocked, Logan tightened his hold on the shivering Cajun. "Kid, ya ain't tellin' me that?"
"When I was still livin' in N'arlings, mon père told me dat I had to marry Belle to stop the fighin' beteen de Thieves and Assasssins. But dat marriage ended in disaster and after Sinister I never?"
"Remy, are ya tellin' me that Sinister was the first??" Logan mumbled shocked.
"And de last." Remy's whispered words trembled through the bedroom. "Didn' have a real lover? never. I was scared of what de charm could provoke and?"
"I'm so sorry, kid," Logan said sincerely and pulled the young man closer to his chest. "But I assumed? ya were always away at night and?"
Remy closed his eyes and decided he had to come clean for once and for all. "Was too afraid to let people touch me, cher."
"That's why ya chose to be with Rogue," Logan suddenly realized.
"Oui," Remy admitted in a heavy tone, burrying his face in Logan's arms. "I could allow myself to love her. Couldn' touch her and?"
Logan wondered if Rogue had realized the truth when she had kissed him. Was this the real reason why she had left him there to die? Because Remy didn't REALLY love her?
Remy sensed Logan's turmoil, finally realizing why it was there. "I didn' lie, Logan. I care 'bout her? maybe even loved her? but?merde, I'm so confused?" The more he confided in Logan, the more he started to hate himself for the way he had treated Rogue.
"Cut yerself some slack," Logan said eventually, trying hard to come to terms with Remy's confession. "I doubt Rogue's so called feelings for ya were pure and honest." But what really shocked him was the fact that Remy had never had a real lover. //Sinister, that bastard doesn't count. The bastard raped a kid 'cause Remy couldn't control his powers and took advantage of that!//
Remy held his breath, waiting for Logan to continue. Did the man still want him? Why would Logan still want him? Tears appeared in his eyes and he couldn't stop the wave of sadness that rolled through him. He wished that Logan had never asked him all these questions.
"Yer life is goin' to change, Remy," Logan promised passionately. "Yer my lover and I'm gonna try very hard to make ya happy."
Hearing that promise only increased the intensity of his sobs. "I don' understand, cher. Why me? Why still want me?"
Logan smiled, pressed a passionate kiss on Remy's lips and whispered, "'Cause I love ya."

 

Chapter Fifteen

A Question of Lust
Fragile
Like a baby in your arms
Be gentle with me
I'd never willingly
Do you harm
Apologies
Are all you seem to get from me
But just like a child
You make me smile
When you care for me
And you know
It's a question of lust
It's a question of trust
It's a question of not letting
What we've built up
Crumble to dust
It is all of these things and more
That keep us together
Depeche Mode

"Insert the adamantium!"
The man's cold voice cut Logan's mind apart, injecting horrific memories into the present. "Don't?" Logan yelped in his sleep, as the scientists prepared his body to start the procedure that would change his life forever. Part of his mind had distanced himself from the scene, trying to avoid the pain that would consume his body within seconds. Another part was unable to let go and dragged him back into the pitch-black memories, which suffocated him. "THE PAIN!" Logan screamed in terror.
"This time we've got to succeed!" a man in a lab coat said determined.
"NO, stop it!" Logan yelled, but they never listened to his pleas and the pain intensified. While trashing on the bed, he tried to regain control over his senses, but this time the nightmares had melted with his mind and had taken him back into the past. He was back in that lab, helpless and in such pain that only his will power kept him from blacking out.
"Logan, wake up, cher."
The soft voice sounded familiar, but he couldn't label it. He did know however, that the voice didn't belong here in the past. Instinctively he clung to the words, the voice, desperately seeking a way out of his tangled mind. But the scientists suddenly dropped him into the tank and liquids smothered the voice. "Please? don't go 'way?" he pleaded softly.
"Logan, you're havin' a nightmare, cher." Remy said in a firm tone, as Logan's pain and terror washed through him. This time however, he refused to be overwhelmed and stood his ground. When they had gone to sleep he had realized that there was a chance that Logan's nightmares might resurface and when they had, he hadn't panicked.
Logan's mind tasted of venomous fear and he clung to his love for the older man to guide him through the maze of the Canadian's pain filled memories. He had to find a way to get through to Logan, who was struggling to get out of the bed.
Quickly, he grabbed Logan's wrists to make sure that he wouldn't be slammed into the wall again and jerked him closer. "Logan, listen to me. You're havin' a nightmare. You're safe! Open your eyes and look at me!" It never crossed his mind that Logan could resort to using his claws to free himself.
Logan's struggling slowed down, as that hypnotic voice became his anchor in this emotional storm. His instincts kept him from surrendering completely, but he realized that he wasn't alone. //Someone's here, tryin' to help me?// shot through his mind and he focused on that hypnotic voice.
"Logan, look at me, cher!" Remy commanded. The blue eyes finally opened. But the amount of pain and fear in Logan's mind was strangling him, pushing the oxygen from his lungs and leaving him incapable of drawing another breath. "Please, cher?" Right then, he realized that the nightmares were keeping Logan prisoner. He had to break that hold!
"Merde, cher? don' know if I can do dis," he whispered upset. Logan's fear was battering against his shields and seeping through. The pain would run him over in seconds if he didn't act! "Should have asked de professor to show me more?" he muttered and stared into Logan's motionless eyes. Wolverine appeared paralysed, incapable of any movement at all.
What were the extents of his empathic powers? He had wondered earlier if he could also send people his feelings or was his ability limited to merely receiving them? //Guess it's time to find out de hard way!// Logan needed him and he had to try and find out.
He still had a tight hold on Logan's wrists, but resorted to stroking the skin in a slow, sensual way. "Logan, cher, listen to me," he started and inhaled deeply. Failure wasn't an option, he had to succeed!
Deliberately, he locked Logan's fear out of his mind and then focused on his love for the older man. Gathered every thought he had ever had that had been filled with passion, affection and love for Logan. It took on the form of a bright golden ball. That glowing sphere contained his love and he hoped it was enough to snap Logan out of his nightmares. Remy prayed that his empathy worked both ways! Then he could reach Logan's mind and calm him down!
The golden sphere now sat between his hands and he moved them closer to Logan's face so the glow covered the Canadian's features. "Hope dis works, cher," Remy muttered softly. He refused to think about what would happen should he fail. "Let me help you find your way back, cher. Let me in," he pleaded as the golden glow melted into Logan's face.
Logan flinched as the warm sensation flowed through his body. Slowly, it wrapped itself around every cell in his body, offering warmth, comfort and love. It drove away the cold voices and sharp pain stabbing memories. Panting softly, he never considered fighting the warmth and surrendered to the sensation, which folded his mind and body into warm and gentle caresses.
He had never felt this warm and cherished before and at the same time he felt needed, loved? complete. What was the source of this warmth? Fully opening his eyes, he stared into burning red orbs. "Remy," he whispered affectionately. Remy had managed to calm him down, lure him away from the nightmares and back to the present. Question was, how? How had the Cajun managed to reach that deeply into his mind?
In the past, nightmares like these had set of feral periods in which he had lost all sense of reality. Only then, he realized that Remy's hands were tightly clutching his face, forcing his stare to meet red eyes. "This warmth?" he stuttered, taken aback and then allowed himself to relax against the warm body. Cold sweat covered his brow and he fought back the memories that were trying to slip back in. His hands shook violently, but those warm red eyes kept him from going insane. "Are ya doin' this?"
Remy sighed, relieved to see recognition in Logan's eyes. "I think so," he admitted in a shy tone. Where had his confidence gone? Only a few seconds ago he had faced Logan's hellish pain and now?
"Thanks, Remy," Logan said, deeply touched by Remy's concern. "But explain to me what happened? What's this warmth I'm feelin'?" Remy's eyes reluctantly met his and he almost lost himself in the sea of love those red eyes promised. Remy bit his lower lip in frustration. Logan growled softly, as one droplet of blood appeared, sitting temptingly on Gambit's full lips. Just in time, he stopped himself from tasting that drop of blood. He wanted answers first.
"Looks like I can also send you my feelings, cher. Wasn' sure if I could do dat, but de nightmares had become real for you and I couldn' reach you oderwise?" Remy whispered apologetically. "Didn' want to go into your mind like dat, mais? don' want to lose you, cher."
Peeking at Logan's face he caught the last remnants of fear, which were quickly vaporizing into thin air. Logan's grin returned and made him go weak. Good thing that he was already lying down. The gratitude Logan emanated was something he couldn't block out completely and eventually, he drew it into his mind, cherishing that sensation.
"Remy, thanks? Would have gone feral without yer help," Logan admitted. If it hadn't been for Remy he might be tearing up the boathouse right now to get the rage and pain out of his system.
Then another realization hit him hard. "This is how ya feel about me?" he whispered, feeling tremendously honored. Remy's feelings still lingered inside his mind, offering a safe heaven, a sanctuary, where he could escape his past. "I hope I'll never forget the way ya feel about me," he added as Remy nodded his head. "Ya know ? I've got memory implants. Don't know what's the truth and what's fake."
Remy's eyes widened in sympathy. "Dis is real, cher."
"Yeah, it is," Logan muttered and studied the young man lying next to him. Remy had wrapped his arms around him and Logan sighed in contentment. "Remy?" he said questioningly.
"Oui, cher?" Remy cuddled up to his lover and pulled him closer. Inwardly, he grinned. He'd never imagined that Logan would allow holding him like this, surrendering to his care. This was the first time that he was in the position to offer another living soul some comfort and Logan accepted it. Consoling someone was new to him, but he loved being able to take away Logan's pain.
"What did ya see in my mind?" Logan cringed at the thought that Remy had shared his pain.
"It doesn' work like dat, cher?" Remy tried to explain. "Dis is new to me too." Logan's head now rested against his shoulder and before he knew what he was doing, his hands tangled in the dark hair. "I felt your pain, your fear, terror, black and hauntin', mais I didn' SEE anythin' in your mind. I ain' a telepath."
Logan recognized the self-doubt in those alien eyes and snorted contentedly, "Sure as hell glad ya love me, Remy. Wouldn't want ya as an enemy," he said, realizing that Remy could immobilize someone quite easily by sending them fear and panic. "Ya should learn how to use this ability in battle."
"I will," Remy promised, "Mais later." Right now, he was holding Logan in his arms and the older man had melted into the embrace. "Dis feels seriously weird, cher," he muttered unintended.
"Why?" Logan peeked at his lover's face and smiled at the genuine wonder in them.
"Never allowed anyone dis close," Remy replied awkwardly. "No one ever asked me to? comfort or hold dem." By accepting his comfort, Logan had given him a precious gift. "Merci," he whispered, hoping that Logan understood his rambling.
"I understand," Logan said affectionately, but at the same time he was fighting down his rage aimed at Sinister who had scarred Remy for life. //I'll kill the bastard the next time we meet,// he vowed privately.
"Why are you angry?" Remy asked questioningly. Logan's feelings had become part of him, but he couldn't explain this sudden rage.
Logan didn't want to bring up Sinister, but Remy wouldn't give up until he knew the truth. "Knowin' Sinister is responsible for yer pain makes me mad," he finally admitted. "Ya've got so much to give and Sinister? I just want to kill him."
"Logan, cher?" Remy smiled weakly. Logan was the first person he had ever entrusted that secret too and the older man's reactions still baffled him. He had expected loathing and rejection, but never these fierce feelings of protection and affection. "Merci, cher, means a lot to me dat you don' blame me for what happened?"
"But ya still blame yerself," Logan whispered knowingly and slid his arms behind Remy's back, completing the embrace. He didn't know what to expect and he mentally prepared himself for another one of Remy's emotional outburst. But the chemicals no longer affected the young Cajun and his reaction was calm and subdued.
"It was my charm makin' Sinister act like dat. You can't really blame him. I should have stayed away from him?"
"Remy," Logan sighed and pressed a passionate kiss on Gambit's throat. "It wasn' yer fault. Ya need to move on."
"How can I?" Remy asked embarrassed.
Logan noticed the vulnerable tone and wished he had the answer to that question. "Let me love ya. That would be a start."
Remy nodded his head and stroked his lover's black hair. "I'm workin' on dat, cher, mais it ain' easy."
Logan knew he was making himself very vulnerable as he said, "Just hold me, darlin'," but that didn't matter. Only Remy's needs mattered. "Just hold me and keep the nightmares away." He wanted Remy to feel wanted, needed.
Remy chuckled softly, realizing what Logan was up to. //Might not be able to read your thoughts, mon amant, mais your emotions reveal a lot.// "Love holdin' you, cher," he whispered in a warm tone. This relationship was like nothing he had imagined it would be like. It was so much better! "Think you can go back to sleep, cher?"
"Yeah." Logan closed his eyes and realized that he still felt this incredible warmth in his mind, but it was slowly retreating, leaving part of his soul cold and apprehensive. "Remy, I like havin' ya in my mind, stay."
"Are you sure about that, cher? Never asked permission to enter?"
Logan cut him short. "It's been a long time since someone loved me like this. Don't take it away from me."
Unable to deny his lover this request, Remy nodded his head. "Mais oui, cher. If dat's what you want," and intensified the glow, feeding it with the growing respect and love he felt for Logan. "Like dat?"
"Yeah, now stop talkin' and get back to sleep. I plan on us workin' out tomorrow. Ya need the rest."
"I'm still on sick leave," Remy reminded him amused.
"Don't worry. I'll go easy on ya," Logan quipped, as he inhaled his lover's scent.
Remy listened to the now steady breathing and felt Logan's firm heartbeat underneath his fingertips. Logan was quickly falling asleep and he was tempted to close his eyes as well, but the fact that he was holding his lover kept him awake. //Merci, Logan. Merci, for trustin' me? for lettin' your guard down.//
Remy managed to stay awake during the next two hours, tenderly caressing the skin underneath his fingers, kissing the black hair and eventually he mumbled the words of an old lullaby tante used to sing for him when she had rocked him asleep.
"Good thing you're asleep, cher," he muttered privately. "I love bein' dere for you and this is the first time dat someone turned to me for comfort."
"Go to sleep, kid," Logan growled, "and stop broodin'."
"You're awake!" Remy yelped embarrassed. "You never heard me sing dat lullaby!"
A tired growl escaped Logan's lips as he turned onto his left side. Pressing his body into Remy's he took hold of the Cajun's arms and wrapped them around his waist.
Suddenly, Remy found himself spooned into the warm body in front of him. He blushed, as Logan wriggled closer. "Cher, what are you doin'?" Logan remained silent and in the end, he nuzzled Logan's neck and throat, settling into this new position. As he pulled the comforter over their bodies, he marvelled at the turn this had taken. "I'll keep your nightmares away," he promised passionately, as sleep finally claimed him, never hearing Logan's answer.
"Yer already doin' that, darlin'."

 

Chapter Sixteen

A question of lust
Independence
Is still important for us though (we realise)
It's easy to make
The stupid mistake
Of letting go (do you know what I mean)
Depeche mode

The delicious and mouth watering smell of bacon and eggs made Logan's nose wrinkle in eager anticipation. Sniffing the air he quickly realized that the smell had set off his hungry stomach. As he reached for Remy's warm body, Logan suddenly realized that he was alone in bed. "Remy?" he whispered thoughtfully. Then it dawned him on him that his lover was probably preparing breakfast.
Last night's events returned and he sighed heavily, remembering the panic and pain that had almost set off his primal instincts. Remy however, had helped him regain control and he felt immensely grateful that the younger man hadn't shied away from him. Come to think of it, he hadn't picked up any fear at all. Remy hadn't even hesitated to reach out to him. //I should be the one preparing breakfast, pampering him.//
It still frustrated him that he hadn't known earlier what Sinister had done to Gambit. They had failed a team-mate by not giving Remy enough reason to trust them. //Protectin' himself? that was all he could do? Instead, we should have helped him deal with it!//
Even in his wildest dreams, he failed to imagine the horrors Remy must have been subjected to. Sinister must have frightened the young and scared Cajun. //All he could do was allow the bastard to take him! Couldn't even fight him off. Wouldn't be surprised to learn that he fought Sinister until the bastard knocked him out cold or told his Marauders to pin him down. Can't even begin to understand how it must have been for him,// Logan thought saddened.
Quickly, he slipped into a shirt and soundlessly he descended the stairs. Yeah, he had been right. Remy was preparing breakfast and had already made some black coffee, which could even wake the dead. Logan tried to label the melody Remy was humming, but failed. Using the cover of Remy's humming he sneaked in closer, wanting to surprise his lover.
The scream that cut through the kitchen took him completely by surprise. He'd only wrapped his arms around Remy's waist like he had done so many times before, but this time the stench of fear the younger man emanated almost made him nauseous.
Remy reacted instinctively, grabbed the arms and tried to flip his assailant over onto his back to create more distance between them. The man standing behind him however, was way too heavy to be taken down and his old fear returned. It had to be Sinister! "Let me go!" he yelped and tried to struggle free.
"Remy, it's me, Logan!" he said in a firm tone. What the hell was going on? Why was Remy reacting like this? //It was just a fuckin' embrace!// Quickly, he pulled back, releasing his lover and backed away from Gambit, whose body was shaking violently. "Remy?" What was he missing here?
"Logan?" Remy whispered nervously, before turning around to face the older man. Merde! He'd tried to take out his lover! Little by little, he managed to regulate his breathing, but made sure that there was sufficient distance between them to make him feel comfortable. "Don' ever do dat 'gain!" he chided Logan. His heart pounded madly in his chest and he had dropped the plate, which had been filled with scrambled eggs.
"Why? What scared ya?" Logan closely observed his lover's eyes, smelling and seeing Remy's fear. Tentatively, he took a step closer. As Remy didn't back away from him, he crossed the distance between them, but didn't touch his lover yet. "Talk to me, Remy."
Remy looked away, absentmindedly focusing his attention on the toast.
"Remy? I want an answer."
"He used to sneak up on me from behind?" Remy finally admitted, cringing at the memories, which he was trying hard to keep locked away.
"Sinister?" Logan drew in his breath. "Never wanted to scare ya." Privately, he cursed his own stupidity. //Damn! Should have been more careful! Should have asked him what NOT to do!//
Remy had managed to calm down and recomposed himself. "Ain' your fault, cher? I should get over it and just forget it ever happened."
Logan noticed the sadness to his lover's tone and raised his hand in invitation. "Can I touch ya? Wanna hold ya." he explained awkwardly. Suddenly, life had kicked him right in the face again, reminding him that Remy was suffering too. The suspicious expression in Gambit's eyes made him hold his breath. "Please say yes, kid."
"Oui," he whispered after a moment, still wondering if he had made the right decision. But this was Logan and he trusted Wolverine, had held him close in his sleep.
Logan reached out and folded one arm around Remy's shoulder, pulling the Cajun to his chest. "Will never 'gain sneak up on ya like that. Anything else I should know?"
Remy shook his head. "I didn' know you were dis close, cher. Didn' hear you."
Logan led him to the table and sat him down. "I'll clean up the mess."
"I can?"
Logan reacted by placing a gentle kiss on Remy's lips. "Ya can get the coffee and toast."
"Bien," Remy muttered slightly embarrassed. "I usually ain' dat jumpy," he clarified.
"But me grabbin' hold of ya from behind brought back memories, didn't it?"
"Oui," Remy admitted shakily. "Had it locked away until?"
"Until Sinister got hold of ya in Antarctica and implanted that cylinder. Any idea why he did that?" Logan had moved back to the counter and cleaned up the broken plate and scrambled eggs. It definitely looked like they had to deal with Sinister before they could move on with their lives.
"Payback?" Remy said and shrugged his shoulders.
But Logan could tell that Remy was keeping back and said, "And??"
"I still wonder why he let me go 'gain?" Remy whispered softly.
"Thought of the same thing." Logan carried the plates over to the table and sipped from the black coffee Remy had poured them. "Yer still afraid that he will return for ya?" he realized in the end.
"Oui," Remy muttered. "And I'll never be strong enough to fight him."
"He will have to go through me first to get to ya," Logan reminded him in a passionate tone. "But we should tell Chuck to hurry up and locate Sinister's base."
"Why?" Remy asked and shuddered. "Mebbe if we leave him alone, he won't come after me."
"Don't fool yerself, Remy." Gently, Logan caressed his lover's face. "We need to settle this for once and for all or Sinister will always haunt ya."
Remy wasn't going to deny the truth, but? "I ain' sure I can give you what you need, cher."
Logan nodded his head. "Don't worry about that, Remy. I discovered a long time ago that love and sex aren't the same. We will find plenty of ways to express our love."
Remy smiled. "Never realized dat you're a philosopher, cher." Hearing this reassurance brightened this gloomy morning. "I want to make you happy too, cher."
"Then stop worryin' about me," Logan chided him softly and piled toast, bacon and eggs and fruit onto Remy's plate. "After you ate that, we're going to the mansion. I'm sure Hank will want to check on ya."
"Mind if I take a shower first?" Remy stared at the piled up food on his plate. "If I'm goin' to eat all that, no way I'm goin' to be able to walk to de mansion, Logan."
Logan shot him an amused grin. "Want me to carry you 'gain?"
"Non!" Remy objected in mock shock.
The wink the Cajun gave him, made Logan smile. //Remy needs time and I've got the patience to wait until he's ready to be with me.//
Logan sent Remy upstairs, insisting he could clean up the remnants of breakfast so his younger lover could take that shower. It also gave him a chance to think about everything that had happened this morning.
He had been serious when reassuring Remy that they had plenty of ways left to express their love. It would take a long time to undo the damage Sinister had inflicted on Remy and Logan was determined to take this slow and do everything right.
"I'm nervous too," he admitted privately, now that Remy couldn't hear him. Remy was his first male lover and he wondered about his role in this relationship. Ever since he had accepted Gambit as his lover, he had fantasized about making love to Remy, but? to be honest, all he could think about was burying himself in his lover's warm body. But that was the one thing Remy was probably terrified of, being taken. "Damn ya, Sinister!"
What about the other way around? Remy doing the taking? The thought actually made him chuckle, as he had a hard time visualizing that one. Did Remy possess the aggressiveness to take him like that?
"Not sure about that," he whispered. He didn't really doubt Remy's ability to seduce him and have his wicked way with him, but somehow it troubled him to have his lover in that predatory role.
"What the hell," he whispered. "We need to start out slowly. Need to show him that he can trust me. That I ain't like Sinister?" But that was another thing he found himself wondering about. Exactly what had the bastard done to his lover? There was no other way out. They had to address it.
As he climbed the stairs, he realized that the water in the shower was still running and temptation got the better of him. After debating the matter privately he knocked on the door. //Not goin' to startle him 'gain!//
"Oui, cher?" Remy looked up from underneath the water beams and sought out Logan's eyes. "Want to watch?" he inquired wickedly. As long as Logan didn't startle him, everything was just fine.
"Ya want me to?" Logan licked his lips, as his eyes travelled down the smooth body. Remy was built for endurance, not pure strength. Hairless chest, washboard abdomen and? long legs. His eyes skipped part of the younger man's body. //I ain't gonna stare!//
"I don' bite, cher," Remy quipped and grabbed the soap to lather his body. "Too bad that I can' reach my back?" he muttered and gave Logan a wink. "Wanna help?"
That question took Logan by surprise. "Ya don't have to do this, darlin'. I can wait." He didn't want Remy to feel pressured into doing anything that caused him discomfort.
Remy smiled warmly. "It's okay, cher," and extended the soap. "You might want to take your clothes off first." Doing this scared the hell out of him, but he refused to give into his fear. //Can' let Sinister win. Logan's de best thing dat ever happened to me? I don' want to lose him?//
Logan shrugged off his shirt and pyjamas bottoms and stepped underneath the shower, which was big enough for them both. "Promise to tell me when I do somethin' that makes ya uncomfortable?" He wanted that promise before touching Remy.
"I will," Remy replied and hesitantly turned around so Logan could do his back. Unable to see what the older man was doing he gritted his teeth and his hands changed into fists.
Reading Remy's apparent body language Logan nodded his head once. //Won't betray yer trust in me.// With slow strokes he moved the soap over Remy's bruised back. He still regretting slamming Remy into that wall, still felt guilty for losing control. "This fine with ya?"
"Oui," Remy whispered, as Logan dropped the soap to massage his tense back. The fact that Logan's mind only radiated concern and affection assured him that the Canadian had no intention of hurting him. //Don' even feel any lust in his mind!//
Logan focused on his love for Remy, not lust. He desperately wanted to take away the young man's fear and tightly controlled his primal urges, which were telling him to take advantage of the situation and to ravish this willing young Cajun. He was growing hard, but with iron will power he concentrated on Sinister, Apocalypse and his arousal started to fade. First, he needed to prove to Remy that he did control his lust.
Eventually, Remy leaned against Logan's chest and pulled the strong arms around his shoulders. "You're de first person to make me feel completely safe," he admitted shakily. Feeling a naked body behind him, made him shiver but knowing it was Logan reassured him that everything was fine. "Sinister always felt so? cold? like touchin' metal," he revealed.
"Remy," Logan turned him around in the embrace so he could look at his lover's face. Gambit's scent was free of fear and growing more confident, Logan asked, "Can I kiss ya?"
"Of course you can, cher," Remy quipped, trying to act like this didn't faze him, but it did. Logan took hold of his hands and Remy got the hint, wrapping his arms around his lover's body. In the back of his mind he remembered the charm power lashing out and taking all control away from him. It surprised him that Logan wasn't erect yet and he allowed himself to grow hopeful. Maybe Logan was right and this wasn't just about lust. //Mon Dieu, let it be about love.//
Logan nuzzled his lover's skin, lazily nibbling at one ear lob. His tongue trailed down to lick the sensitive spot near Remy's collarbone. Gambit squirmed in his arms, softly panting his name and Logan reacted by seeking out those lush lips and kissing them.
Remy sighed as Logan's tongue slid into his mouth. In a surge of passion, he suckled it hard, making the older man growl his want. "Sinister never kissed me," he admitted brokenly.
"What did he do to ya?" Logan hated discussing this right now, but Remy had made the first step in addressing it. "Ya need to get this outa yer system, darlin'."
Remy wavered. Logan was right, but saying it made it more real. "Pin me down and? That's why I freaked when you sneaked up on me." It felt liberating to speak the words. "But with you it's different."
"Ya got that right," Logan replied relieved. Making that admission had been hard on Remy, but it had been made without any emotional outburst, which he felt was a good sign. "Can I explore yer body? I'll be gentle," he promised as his fingers pushed back a wet lock from Remy's face.
"Mais oui, cher," Remy breathed the words, entrusting himself to Logan.
"Ya might not believe this," Logan started as his fingertips caressed his lover's smooth chest, rolling a nipple between his fingers. "I wanna taste ya?"
Remy swallowed hard. "You're sure about dat?" //Merde! What a stupid thing to ask!// he chided himself. Excitement coursed through his body, pooling in his groin. //Mon Dieu, I'm growin' hard!//
Wickedly, enjoying Remy's squirming, Logan licked his lips and leaned in closer so he could whisper into his lover's ear. "I wanna taste ya and make ya come? yer okay with that?"
Breathlessly, Remy nodded his head. The mere thought of Logan going down on him, made his erection throb painfully. "You never stop to surprise me," Remy whispered, staring into Logan's eyes. "Mon Dieu, Logan. Je t'aime!"
Gently, Logan pushed Remy's back against the wall for support. "I never did this to a man, so let's hope I get this right," he whispered teasingly.
"I'm de first??" Remy stuttered, as Logan's words reached his foggy mind.
"Yeah," Logan laughed and sank to his knees, licking his lips. "Yer bigger than I thought," he growled delighted.
Remy arched his back as one of Logan's hands squeezed his buttocks. "Mon Dieu, you're serious about dis!" Until now he had thought that Logan had been playing him, teasing him. Looking down at his lover, his heart missed a beat. Logan sat kneeled in front of him, giving him a wicked look.
Logan took hold of Remy's hands and placed them on his shoulders. Then he focused on the erection in front of him, which was already dripping with precum. Sniffing, he took in Gambit's scent and then licked the tip of his lover's erect shaft. Remy's moan assured him that he was doing something right and then took in the head of his lover's shaft.
"Logan," Remy whispered and leaned heavily against the wall for support. His right hand moved to tangle in Logan's hair and he bucked involuntarily as his lover's tongue teased the slit, sucking hard. "Cher?" he mumbled deliriously.
Logan grinned, licking, sucking and even playfully scraping his teeth along the length of his lover's shaft. "Ya taste sweet," he managed to mumble in between licks and his nibbling.
"Cher, what are you doin' to me?" Remy exclaimed and hissed as Logan's hand unexpected closed around his cock, firmly stroking it.
Logan took a moment to look at his lover's face. Mouth agape, eyes big and panting hard, Remy seemed to beg him for release. "Yer gonna cum for me?"
"Oui, cher, oui?" He yelped as Logan's tongue lapped at his balls. "Please, cher? make me cum."
"Wanna try somethin'," Logan mumbled thoughtfully.
Whispering incoherently, Remy wished Logan would grant him release, which he craved so badly!
After pushing Remy's legs a little further apart, Logan crept closer and separated his lover's buttocks.
A brief moment of fear overwhelmed Remy. "What are you??"
"It's aright, darling," Logan soothed him and stroked the inflamed cock until Remy's protest changed into soft mews.
Remy jerked as something wet and soft licked his cleft, demanding entry and unable to refuse, he moaned his consent. "Oui, cher?"
His tongue easily slid inside and he memorized this scent, this taste as well. While his hands still stroked and fondled Remy's cock, his tongue explored the treasures hidden inside his lover's body.
"Assez!" Remy yelped helplessly, as he couldn't keep back any longer. His body trembled and he came in Logan's hands. Bewildered, he looked down as Logan's lips returned to taste his cum. "Cher?"
Logan lifted his eyes as his lover's orgasm hit him. "Fuck," he whispered awed, as Remy's ecstasy washed through his mind. It drove him even further over the edge and determined, he swallowed his lover's cum. Remy tried to pull back, but he didn't allow it and proceeded to lick him clean, milking the last drops of cum from his lover's sated cock with his lips and tongue.
Remy dropped to his knees, unable to support himself any longer and claimed his lover's lips. "Never tasted myself on someone's lips," he mumbled passionately. "That was grande? seein' you go down on me, cher. Never expected dat."
Growling his agreement Logan pulled his lover's trembling body closer to his. "Must admit I loved goin' down on ya?" Suddenly, Remy grew rigid in his arms. "What's wrong?"
"What do you want from me in return?" Remy muttered in sudden apprehension. This was unfamiliar territory for him. Sinister had always taken what he'd wanted, never giving pleasure in return. What was Logan's price?
"What I want in return?" Logan raised an eyebrow, upset to find that Remy still didn't understand what this had been about. "A kiss," he replied eventually, deciding against chiding his lover.
"A kiss?" Remy repeated stunned. "Mais cher?"
Brushing Remy's lips with his, Logan realized that they still had a long way ahead of them.

 

Chapter Seventeen

A question of lust
My weaknesses
You know each and every one (it frightens me)
But I need to drink
More than you seem to think
Before I'm anyone's
And you know
It's a question of lust
It's a question of trust
It's a question of not letting
What we've built up
Crumble to dust
It is all of these things and more
That keep us together
Depeche mode

Remy still disliked the fact that they had to spend a large part of the day at the mansion. "Can' we stay here?" he asked Logan, who was walking next to him. He was trying hard to sulk, but the day was just too beautiful to brood. The sun was shining brightly and the rain had stopped pouring hours ago.
"Nope," Logan muttered absentmindedly as he let everything that had happened in the shower pass through his mind again. Honestly, he hadn't expected Remy to react that passionately, to trust him that quickly. //Must be 'cause he senses my feelings,// he concluded eventually. "I want to keep in shape and work out in the Danger Room."
"And what do I do?" Remy looked up and shielded his sensitive eyes from the blazing sunlight.
"I'm sure Hank will keep ya busy with his petty tests," Logan chuckled and sought out his lover's eyes. Remy appeared a lot more comfortable today. "I'm glad those chemicals are outta yer mind."
"Moi aussi," Remy admitted. "Didn' like angstin' 'bout evert'in', cher."
As they reached the mansion Remy's eyes turned draped. "Still don' like bein' here."
"Ya'll get used to it 'gain," Logan assured him. "Can ya handle their feelings?"
"I t'ink so," Remy said softly. "My shields are back to deir old strength. Should be able to keep dem out."
Remy's answer satisfied Logan and while uttering a soft growl, he gestured his lover to continue walking. "I'll be in the Danger Room if ya need me. Will see ya at dinner." Logan noticed the unease in Remy's eyes and said reassuringly, "They ain't gonna eat ya, bub. I, on the other hand, might get hungry and start nibblin'."
Remy chuckled, knowing only too well that Logan had cracked that remark to make him laugh. It had been a long time since anyone had tried to make him laugh. Jean-Luc had tried hard when he'd been young, but as the years had passed by his father had expected him to grow more serious as well. He loved Logan's ability to lift his dark moods. "Merci," he whispered and shyly, kissed his lover's cheek.
Approvingly, Logan smiled. Remy was testing how far he could go, what kind of response a certain action provoked and so far it seemed like he had passed the Cajun's little tests. However, he knew a lot of tests would follow before Remy would feel completely safe in this relationship.
Feeling lost, Remy watched Logan's back as the Canadian disappeared into the elevator. //Now what?// he wondered confused. //Walk into de livin' area and find out how dey're goin' to react? First want to know who's in dere?// he decided privately.
As he peeked around the corner, his first impression was that the living room was empty. Then, he realized he had been wrong. "Bobby?"
Bobby Drake sat in the windowsill, reading a book and enjoying the warm sunlight. The last person he expected to see was Gambit, but he welcomed the distraction. "Hi there."
Scott had told them that Gambit would spend the afternoons in the mansion and he had approved of that decision. They had mistreated Gambit and he was eager to make things up to the Cajun. "Where's Wolvie?"
Another chuckle rolled from Remy's lips. Maybe he would enjoy staying at the mansion after all. "Danger Room," he replied. "Wants to keep in shape."
Bobby nodded his head. "Scott, our personal slave driver ordered a training session at 06.00 tomorrow morning! Hell, that's the middle of the night!" Closing the book, he slid away from the windowsill and took in the Cajun's appearance. Remy looked different today. The red eyes sparkled with mischief. It made him feel safe enough to open up a little to Gambit. He'd wanted to talk to Remy ever since finding out that Logan and he were an item. "Can I ask you something? personal?"
Remy raised an eyebrow, seeing the blush on Bobby's face. Although he disliked prying on someone's emotions, he lowered his shields just a little. What he picked up from Bobby was loneliness and insecurity with a hint of curiosity. "Can' guarantee dat I will answer, mon ami."
"That's only fair," Bobby whispered, getting cold feed as his courage left him.
"Why don' we sit down first, non?" Remy suggested and dropped onto the sofa. Bobby sat down on the other end, keeping a fair distance between them. //Why is he dis uncomfortable?// Remy wondered. //I ain' de big bad wolf? I'm only datin' one!// he quipped privately.
"I don't know how to start," Bobby admitted and realized he should never have started this conversation. It was one thing to tell Logan that he liked men and Remy probably suspected it, but?
"What's it 'bout, Bobby?" Remy said warmly. "You can talk to me, homme."
"Hank told me that you're really good at drawing," he chickened out and avoided those burning red eyes.
Remy decided to cut Bobby some slack. "Oui, dat's true." Logan had been patient when he had gathered his courage and he could do the same for Bobby. But what was it Drake wanted to discuss?
"Jean and Scott's anniversary is coming up and I was wondering if you could draw them? as couple, I mean? I?" Stuttering, he focused on his hands. He'd never been good at facing things head on.
"Mais oui, Bobby. No problem. I can do dat," Remy reassured him, hoping Bobby would finally address the real issue. //Would be easier if I were a telepath!// But Bobby's discomfort was all he was getting and he had no idea what was causing it.
Bobby drew in a deep breath, forcing himself to look into Remy's eyes. "Are Logan and you? happy?"
//What kinda question is dat?// Remy mused. Why was Bobby interested in their relationship? "Oui, we're happy?" he replied eventually, trying to decipher Bobby's hooded eyes. What was he missing here?
"Geeze, you don't have to answer this," Bobby started to rave suddenly, stumbling over words and flushing crimson red. "But? how did you know that? you know? you loved him? he loved you? that it was?"
"Bobby, calm down." Remy suddenly realized what this COULD be about, but? "You want to know if I feel comfortable bein' wid a man? Dat it?"
Embarrassed, Bobby nodded his head. "Is it that obvious?"
After carefully listening to Bobby's emotions, Remy managed to identify the source of Bobby's discomfort. It was of a sexual nature. Merde, he'd never realized that Bobby was confused about his sexual preferences. "Dere ain' not'in' wrong wid lovin' a homme instead of a femme, Bobby."
"That's easy for you to say!" Bobby objected weakly, but felt terribly relieved that Remy understood what he was talking about without him having to explain everything in detail. "Yes, I like men?" he admitted in a hoarse tone.
"So do I." Remy replied slightly amused. "You know when it's 'bout amour, Bobby. Your heart will tell you, mais you have to listen to it." Amazed, he realized what he had just said. Logan's love was having quite an effect on him!
Sliding a little closer Remy whispered softly, "Havin' a crush on someone here?" Bobby's eyes widened in shock. "Not moi!" he added jokingly. Apparently, Bobby had already done a lot of thinking and was considering making his move, but lacked the courage to actually plunge into the deep. "You can tell me," he whispered seductively.
It was hard to tell why he felt concerned about Bobby. Maybe Drake reminded him a little of himself, the way he had been before Logan had annihilated his defenses. He didn't want Bobby to spend his life hiding from the truth. "Who's de mystery man?" Immediately, Bobby's blush grew even deeper. //He's in love,// Remy realized as the color of Bobby's emotions changed. It was a gentle love, giving and tender.
"I shouldn't tell you," Bobby protested very weakly. "I don't want anyone to know that?"
"I can keep secrets, mon ami. I'm very good at dat?" Remy said, trying to convince Bobby into spilling his secret. "Won' tell anyone, promesse? not even Logan."
Reluctantly, Bobby shifted on the couch. His eyes searched the doorway, making sure no one was eavesdropping. "You'll think I'm mad."
"Won' do dat," Remy assured him. Briefly, he felt the incredible urge to touch Bobby's mind and pour that reassurance into his friend's mind. //Control!// he reminded himself. Couldn't go around violating people's minds. Instead, he hesitantly rested his hand on Bobby's, fully expecting Drake to pull back.
But Bobby stared at that hand and smiled. "It's Hank."

"Logan! What the hell are you doing?" Scott muttered, as Wolverine used his claws to destroy one of the training bots. (is this supposed to stand for robot? If so, should it have an apostrophe before it? Or is it something else that I just haven't heard of?) Something was troubling the Canadian. //Better talk to him. I don't want him to turn feral over something.//
"Get off my back, bub," Logan growled and beheaded another robot.
From the control room, Scott accessed the training program and shut it down. "Get up here, now Logan!"
Disappointed by the sudden lack of enemies, Logan glared at Scott. The man could be so damn irritating! He was just trying to get the anger out of his system! Better demolish the Danger Room than hurt one of his teammates!
Left with no choice, he reluctantly walked over to the control room. How he hated that smug expression on Cyclops's face!
"Logan, what's wrong? Your mood has been particularly foul, even for your standards!" Scott approached Logan, trying to figure out what had set off the apparent blood lust in Wolverine's eyes.
"Stay outta it," Logan growled in a dangerous tone.
"Logan, you might hate my guts, but? I am your team leader."
//You're getting better at this, darling,// Jean cast into his mind and then retreated again, not wanting to infringe on Logan's right of privacy.
Scott shook his head, trying to get rid of the echo of Jean's voice. Why did she always pick these particular moments to irritate him? Focusing on Logan, he recognized the potential for violence in those eyes. "Logan, spill it!"
"It's Sinister!" Logan spat in a venomous tone. "I can't get the bastard outta my mind!" His fist slammed into the wall after he'd retracted his claws.
"Because of what he did to Gambit," Scott said knowingly. He knew from personal experience how few morals and ethics Sinister possessed. "Did Remy tell you more about?"
Logan cut him short. "C'mon Cyke, we're smart enough to piece everythin' together. Like? I wanted to hug him?" Logan raised an eyebrow at Scott's amused expression. "Yeah, we hug!" he exclaimed and shook his head. "And he fuckin' freaked on me! Sinister always snuck up on him from behind and? the look in his eyes actually scared me."
"Remy's still keeping everything bottled up. You should try and make him open up. Talking about it will make him feel? less alone."
Logan had started to calm down a little. "Sometimes ya actually make sense," he admitted reluctantly. "What are we gonna do 'bout Sinister?"
"The professor is working on that," Scott replied. "Give him some time. I understand that Remy needs to face Sinister, but right now you need to focus on his recovery and NOT on extracting revenge."
"The bastard didn't rape YER lover!" Logan sneered. "Easy for ya to say!"
Scott shook his head. "This is hard on everybody, Logan."
Logan realized that maybe he had been overreacting a little, but the mere thought of Sinister made his blood sing in his veins. He wanted to bury his claws in the bastard's chest.

"Henri?" Remy repeated a little stunned. "Didn' expect dat one? Cyke maybe? even Warren, mais Henri?" A soft chuckle fled his lips. "Henri should feel flattered!"
"You're making fun of me," Bobby said in a sulking tone. "Should have kept my big mouth shut!"
"Non, cher?" Remy's smile grew warmer. "You should tell Henri." What was it that Storm had told him when he'd just joined the X-Men? It had involved Bobby and Hank? something about? "Mebbe you can bribe him wid Twinkies?"
That conjured up a grin on Bobby's face. "Twinkies? how do you know about that?" Not giving the Cajun a chance to reply, he continued, "Hank doesn't even like men!"
"Uhm, Bobby? Logan reacted like dat? tellin' Jean dat he only liked the femmes?" Gently squeezing Bobby's hand, he examined the change in Bobby's feelings. //Hope?// The discomfort had changed into hope. "Tell him," he repeated his advice. Suddenly, he grew uncomfortable with the situation himself. Bobby was sitting close, holding his hand in return and his lowered shields were driving him towards Drake in an effort to comfort his teammate.
Resolved, he raised his shields to their maximum strength and started to let go of Bobby's hand. The turmoil Drake had been in, had almost lured him into a trance. "Need to go to de med lab? Are you comin' alon'?"
Bobby licked his lips. His mouth had gone awfully dry all of a sudden. It had been pure stupidity to tell the Cajun! Gambit would use this against him. Make him do things he wasn't ready for yet.
Remy got to his feet and pulled Bobby along with him. "C'mon, mon ami."
"Remy, I can't do this?"
"You can," Remy assured him and sensed the stark fear in Drake's mind. "I'll help you."

 

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