"The Dee" meets Janis Ian in Toronto May 5 2004
NAUGHTY RUDIES
as per Watercolors by Janis Ian
I remember posting that
(Naughty Rudies make me laugh)
Somebody said “How dare you Dee!
Rewriting Janis songs,
Don’t you know that’s just wrong!”
I turned and said - Fiddle dee dee
Go on, keep complaining you make me laugh
Shoot me your zingers, no they don’t last
Yes Dee’s a guy!
God ain’t in the sky
Yours is better than mine?
Go on keep complaining I set you free
Your God hates fags well you’ll never see
You’re tearing down nations
While half-witted faces look on and applaud
Go on, go on, get away from me ...
He said: “Bow down to me I’m your leader I AM right
Bow down to me ignore the darkness and pray tonight
I’m your leader I am always right
Tomorrow you’ll fight!”
“Come on come on, come on bow down to me
You are my fantasy
I’ll buy your votes till the end of time
Show you my power to change your mind
But for tonight, let us be Right
Obey me! Come on come on
Die for me
Speak not of charity.”
HAMSTER LAND
as per Amsterdam by
Janis Ian/Buddy Mondlock
Just the patter of feet in the sawdust
Just a flash of an eye through the cage rails
Just a furry li'l rodent I remember
Hamster Land
Just the squeak of a wheel as it's spinning
Just the chomping of carrots and lettuce
Just the sunflower seeds on the carpet
Hamster Land
I remember your fur and your beady li'l eyes
And the scratch of your nails and your nibbles and bites
I cried … you bite!
Just the scent of your urine and poopies
Just the presents you plopped on my pillow
Just the way that you gazed out the window
Hamster Land
Just a ghost when I opened your cage door
Just a scampering motion ‘round the corner
Just a scream as you ran ‘cross my shoulder
Hamster Land
I remember your fur and your beady li'l eyes
And the scratch of your nails and your nibbles and bites
I cried … you bite!
Just two hamsters asleep in the silence
As I walk from the door
Just the birth of a quintuplet litter
Please! No more!
I remember your fur and your beady li'l eyes
And the scratch of your nails and your nibbles and bites
I cried … you bite! You bite! …
Goodbye goodbye, goodbye . . . .
CARROTS IN YOUR EYES
as per
Paris In Your Eyes by Janis Ian
Every time I meet you, I see Carrots in your eyes
A hint of vegetation, Mr Bunny style
Mr Greenjeans, Mr Moose and Captain Kangaroo
no one else sees in the dark better than you
First time I saw Carrots in your eyes
you told me how you loved them
and how much they make you wise
we spoke of Vegetarians
salad recipes to try
the first time I saw Carrots in your eyes
Now every time I crunch them
I get high on carotene
A bushel full of Carrots is every bunny's dream
every time I eat those things
it makes such a crunchy tune
just like little mini earthquakes in the room
Last time I saw Carrots in your eyes
you told me how you loved them
and how much they make you wise but you
yanked them out and gave to me
chicken recipes to try
the last time I saw Carrots in your eyes
last time I saw Carrots in your eyes
ICE CREAM CONES
as per Billies Bones by Janis Ian
Ice cream cones are a must
When the days of summer fly
Licking them before they melt
You can do it if you try
I love all those ice cream cones
I can love them any time
But the best is after noon
When the sun is blazing high
Ice cream cones are cold and sweet
Piled high and fun to eat
And the top looks like a peak
A mountain top there in my hand
And ice cream cones are groovy, man
If I drop some in your hair
I will chase it with my lips
I would eat it if I dared
From your filthy fingertips
I would tell you how I've yearned
To be bathing in a pail
Of vanilla and praline
With a cone upon my tail
Ice cream cones are cold and sweet
Piled high and fun to eat
And the top looks like a peak
A mountain top there in my hand
And ice cream cones are groovy, man
Ice cream never gives me gas
Never melts before I'm done
All that's left is waffle cone
Which I quickly turn to crumbs
There are voices in my head
Ice cream headaches make me moan
When it's dripping down my arm
Trying hard to chill my bones
When I make an ice cream feast
I can taste it on my tongue
And the cones are filled and paved with
Yummy goodness every one!
TINY MICROWAVE
as per Janis Ian's
Ride Me Like A Wave
Every time I touch you
it's a song you sing to me
I love your aromas
culinarily
give me two more minutes of your time
tiny microwave
Warming up my biscuits
danishes and more
we're all out of coffee?
get me to the store!
it's the smell of strudel I desire
tiny microwave
how are you today?
beep my cares away
I remember eating
long before we met
food was such an effort
how could I forget
Fast and always hotter
quicker than a stove top
all the pans and pots are
jealous of what you've got
give me one more minute of your time
tiny microwave
Butter, sea salt, chocolate
zesty lemon rind
flour, baking soda
things were going fine
till I tried to bake my cake inside
tiny microwave
xo
original Janis Ian Message Board posting: January 2002
FASHION QUEENS
to the tune of Abba's
Dancing Queen
Intro:
Attitude? Girls and guys,
you need some meat on those thighs!
Hurling food is obscene
Dig in, you fashion queens ...
Friday night at the fashion show
(not that we had no where else to go)
Hair is kind of amusing, celebrities and things
Who took my Burger King?
Dark sunglasses I wear at night
Bodyguards in case there's a fight
Rubbing elbows with big names
Don't you think he's gay?
I wear his lingerie
It's a designer's chance
Here come the fashion queens
Tall as trees, bony and obscene
Fashion queens, boobs and butts like 2 jellybeans
You should eat, you need fries
You need some lard on those thighs
You go, girl! Work that fork
Maybe some moo goo pork?
You're so skinny you look half gone
Might be gorgeous but something's wrong
Looking out from the runway, any food will do
He's in a hunger trance
Gumby in underpants
Here come the fashion queens
Tall as trees, bony and obscene
Fashion queens, boobs and butts like 2 jellybeans
You should eat, you need fries
You need some lard on those thighs
Hurling food is obscene
Dig in, you fashion queens
Bon apetite!
original Janis Ian Message Board posting: January 2002
Collection originally launched February 14, 2001
