I'll be waving my hand. Watching you drown.
Watching you scream. Quiet or loud.
And maybe you should sleep.
And maybe you just need. A friend.
As clumsy as you've been. There's no one laughing.
Our Lady Peace Clumsy
~~Tai~~
The meeting had ended as fast as it had started. For me, it seemed like a life time had passed.
I couldn't believe what had just happened. I had seen her again. She was there, right in the same room as myself.
And I couldn't do anything except flash a smile, and pray to God I didn't do anything foolish.
"Why the long face honey? It doesn't become someone as handsome as you." Nancy smirked, as she began walking next to me.
"Nothing you can help me with. Nobody can really help me." I smiled weakly, as I pressed the button for the elevator. "Going up?"
"Only if you are." Nancy chuckled, as the chic metallic doors opened, and we both stepped in. "Now tell me. What's wrong?"
I stood silently for a long while, pondering my response. I didn't really want to talk about Mimi right now. Hell, I hadn't told anyone about her in ten years. It was just too painful.
"You know, this elevator music really bites. I'm gonna request that they change it. Maybe something a little more upbeat?" I said as I started to shift uncomfortably.
"You're changing the subject. Something's wrong. Tell me." Nancy pressured, as she looked at me questioningly.
"I am so not changing the subject!" I exploded, as I quickly passed my hand through my hair. "I just think this music is really bad, and I want it to change! Oh look! My stop!"
With that, I bolted out the doors before they even had time to fully open. I needed to get away. I needed to vent out some energy.
As I hit the lobby, I told the receptionist to cancel all my shoots for the day and that if someone asked for me, I wasn't there.
She smiled politely as she jotted down the message, and returned to doing what she was doing.
I grabbed my coat quickly, and basically wrapped it around me as I rushed out the doors. The cool air hit my face harshly as I began to run.
I really didn't know where to, but I just wanted to clear away from that building. And her.
I let my legs take me anywhere. I figured that anywhere was better than where I was.
Too many forgotten feels had just seemed to burst out faster than I had time to fully process them. Memories of everything I had, and everything I had aspired for kept slapping me.
But she was engaged now. She had someone that she loved, someone that loved her back. Someone that obviously cared for her deeply. She was gone. But she was supposed to be mine. She was supposed to be my future and everything I had wanted.
And she still was. I thought I had gotten over her. That she was out of my memory. I thought that I had just forgotten about our love. But I was wrong, because in that brief, two minute meeting, everything I buried suddenly erupted.
I wanted her again. I needed her again, and this time the urge to just touch her was crushing.
When my feet had stopped moving, I realized I was outside Clair's apartment. I had been so used to just running to her for support on anything, that even now I felt so at ease with her.
I knocked on the door twice. And she answered quickly. Her hair was up in a clumsy ponytail and she was wearing a baggy black sweater with grey jeans.
"Hey!" she smiled widely. "What are you doing here?"
I didn't even answer her. I just studied her face for several seconds, before brushing the back of my hand lightly across her cheek.
"Sh." I muttered as I leaned down and kissed her. My body instant buzzing with happiness. "Just don't say anything."
Maybe I didn't treat you quite as good as I should.
Maybe I didn't love you quite as often as I could.
Maybe I didn't hold you all those lonely, lonely times.
And I guess I never told you, I'm so happy that you're mine.
You were always on my mind.
Fenus Always On My Mind
~~Mimi~~
"Mimi, are you all right? You're as white as a ghost! Are you feeling okay? Do you want me to get the nurse?" Mike asked concerned as he looked at me.
"I am feeling very faint actually. Would it be a problem if you got me a glass of water or something?" I smiled weakly.
"Nothings a problem when it comes to you." he said softly as he kissed the top of my forehead. "I'll be back before you even notice I'm gone."
"Thank you." I muttered as I sat down. When I saw he was out of view, I let out the huge gasp I had been holding.
My whole body was trembling terribly, as the memory of Tai caused my stomach to knot.
I mentally scolded myself for feeling like this. I was over him. I had been for a long time now. But I found myself questioning that.
'Get a hold of yourself Mimi. Tai and you are over. You have Mike now. Mike, the man who loves you. The man you're going to marry. You love him... you love him... you love HIM...'
But I didn't even believe that myself. All I wanted to do was hold Tai in my arms. Feel his warm breath against my neck again. Feel the way he always made my feel. That special mix of love and belonging.
With him, I had always felt special. I always felt as if my other half had returned to me. Like my life was finally complete!
But just when I had told myself I was over him, he enters my life again. And that was so like him. Just when you expected he wasn't going to be there, he appears.
And I knew I was screwed. I was still in love with him. I was still, so deeply in love with him, that it hurt me. It hurt me the most knowing he was so close, yet so far.
And I found myself wondering if he still loved me. I mean, still loved me with the same passion and fire he did back then. Actually, it was more like praying. Praying that he still cared about me. Even if it was just a little bit.
"Here you go sweetie." Mike huffed gently, as he thrust a cup of water in my hands. "Well, you're looking much better now. Some of the color had returned to that beautiful face of yours."
"You're too sweet to me." I stated truthfully. I was truly blessed that Mike was in my life. He was the person that loved me again. He still loved me, even though he knew that my heart would always belong to someone else.
But he didn't know that the person he just employed was that man. He didn't even have a clue.
"Hey! Cheer up! A frown doesn't belong on a face as beautiful as yours!" he laughed lightly, trying to break me from my long gazes at the floor.
"I am. I am so happy. And I mean it. Its just being back home and all. There are so many memories." I tried to cover.
"Oh! I understand! Well, do you want to go back to your suite? It's at probably the most gorgeous hotel I've ever seen! You'll love it!" he smiled happily. "And one of your fellow modeling buddies lives there! Hell, you're neighbors as a matter of fact!"
"That's so cool!" I gasped immaturely. "Are you serious?"
"Aren't I always?" he chuckled.
"Is Anya staying with us?"
"You. I have an lodging here. They offer housing to the poor travelers." he joked. "I have a lot of business to attend to. So, instead of commuting every day, I'm just staying here!" he explained.
"So it's just me and my best friend?" I asked, bitting my lower lip eagerly. I felt like a kid in a candy store. As odd as that sounds. "When can I go see the place?"
"Right now if you want! We have the rest of the day to kill!"
"Great!" I smiled, noticing that his ability to drop everything, and place me first was one of the many reasons I said yes to his proposal. "Hey, who is it by the way? My neighbor I mean."
"Maybe you've heard of her." he stated. "The world renown super-model, Clair Butler."
It's all in your mind.
She said the darkness and the light.
The clock it bleeds for you, but you never got the time in right.
I woke you up and I slit the throat of your confidence.
And we laughed in the night, and it felt all right.
3rd Eye Blind Thanks A lot
~~Tai~~
"So, are you going to tell me why you came here?" Clair asked me for what seemed like the hundredth time. And to be quite frank, I really didn't know why either.
"I got quite a shock today. And I really don't want to talk about it, and I just bolted from work. And then I turned up here." I said truthfully, mindlessly twirling the cup of coffee she had given me.
"So. You don't want to talk about what made you skip work and come here." she said as he took my hand.
"Yeah." I smiled. "Pretty lame no?"
"No. It's not. Tai, nothing with you is lame. And I won't make you tell me. Hell, I know what you're like when you've set your mind to something. But I want you to tell me. I want you to tell me everything that happens in your life."
"You're really not making this much easier you know." I joked as she giggled a little.
"That's why I'm here! To make you feel uneasy, and blurt out all your deepest, darkest secrets!" she laughed loudly.
"Clair." I started, inhaling sharply. "Have you ever felt like you were torn in two? Like half of you wants to do one thing, and the other part of you wants to do the exact opposite?"
"As if you're battling with your heart and your head? Yeah I know the feeling. It's horrible." she replied softly.
"Well, that's me right now. I want to do something so badly, that just thinking about it, is making me go crazy. I mean, every impulse in my body is telling me to go and do it! Just do it, and see if it works out. But then there's my heart, which is telling me to forget about it. Saying that everything, I want, and everything I truly need, is staring me right in the face." I sighed, looking right at her.
"Well, the answer is simple. What do you really want Tai? I mean, what do you really, really want. Do you want to do what your head is telling you? Or do you want what your heart is telling you?"
"I'm not sure. I honestly have not the faintest clue. And that's what's probably what's torturing me the most. Because I love both of these things with every ounce of life in me. I would do anything for either of them."
"Tai, what are you really talking about?" she asked me. Her eyes wide with concern. Concern for me.
"Forget it." I retorted bluntly. "You shouldn't be worrying yourself over my problems."
"But your problems are my problems Tai! Why don't you see that?" she shouted out, stifling a cry.
"Clair..."
"No! Please Tai! You don't get it do you? You just don't get how much I care about you! I love you Tai. I honestly and truly do. You have been my whole world for as long as I've known you!" she cried as she brushed her sleeve across her eyes. "You're my best friend, but so much more... and... and when we broke up, my life shattered because I thought I lost the most important thing to me! But you didn't leave me, and you still stayed my best friend."
"And I will always be there for you Clair." I assured her, feeling water swell up in my eyes as well. I grabbed her slender body and hugged her tightly, melting into her warmth. "You always stuck by me, even when you knew I was wrong. You showed me how to have fun again. You showed me a whole new side of life, and I will never, ever forget that."
"Then why do I feel like I'm losing you?" she sobbed, squeezing me even tighter.
"You aren't. I won't let that happen. Because I do love you. Not as a friend. Not like a sister, not like that. I love you. And I feel as if I was always meant to love you." I whispered in her ear, as a few of her tears trickled down my neck.
"God I don't want to lose you ever... I would just die..." she whispered back. She was shaking like a leaf, and clutching onto me for dear life.
"And I won't ever leave you. I promise."
"I love you Tai." she sighed shakily as he pulled her face away from my
chest. I smiled down at her, and kissed her.
"I love you to Clair." I muttered, as I wrapped my arms around her waist. And I wasn't lying. I did love her.
She was my everything a year ago. Clair made my world turn and when we split up, I could have swore my life had ended before my eyes.
But I felt disgusted with myself. Even though I wasn't lying, I wasn't telling the truth either.
I wasn't telling her about Mimi, and about what we shared. What we felt for each other, and everything that had happened between us.
But I didn't want her to not be able to trust me. I didn't want her to ever doubt my feelings for her.
I would just lose it if I knew she didn't care about me. As much as I loved Mimi, hell, love Mimi, Clair would always be the one that supported me through the many years when I thought I couldn't go on.
It was almost like a soap opera. The ones where the ex lover returns, and the man who's joyfully dating again is forced to chose. Even thought the man loves the new girl deeply, he'll always, always love the ex. And that was me. The middle man forced to make a decision that would end up hurting one of them. My head or my heart. Which one would be the loser?!
But between my head and my heart, Clair would always, now and forever, be my heart. Even with my feelings for Mimi, it just wasn't a choice. It was a fact.
So don't tell me why, he's never been good for you.
Don't tell me why, he's never been there for you.
So just let me try, I will be good to you.
So just let me try, and I will be there for you.
Sarah McLachlan Good Enough
~~Mimi~~
"You were so right Mike!" Anya squealed cheerfully. "This place is absolutely gorgeous! I love it here!"
"Wait till you hear who'll be our neighbor." he taunted, watching her pretty face light up excitedly.
"Who! Tell me!" she begged.
"None other than Cl"
"Clair Butler! Is it her? Oh my God please tell me it's here! Mike, if it is, I'll love you forever!" she exploded.
"Hey! Take a number!" I joked squeezing his hand tighter. "But yeah."
"Ah!" she screamed, bouncing around hyperly. "Jesus Christ! I can't believe it! Wow! Maybe she'll talk to me! Oh..."
"Anya! Calm down!" Mike laughed. "From what I've heard Clair isn't a spoiled model. She's like you two. And that she"
"She throws the biggest and wildest parties in Japan! And that she enjoys walking and writing poetry in her spare time, when she's not traveling the world! And that her favorite"
"My God! Are you writing her biography or something?" I smirked.
"She's my hero! I know everything about her! Test me! I swear! I take great pride in my knowledge of this!"
"Fine. Let's humor her sweetie." Mike sighed. "Favorite color?"
"Pastel blue and forest green." she replied quickly. Even from where I was standing I could feel her heart beating faster than ever.
"Favorite book."
"The Animal Farm." she stated proudly, as Mike began to laugh.
"Here's one, oh great knower of facts. Why is it her favorite book?"
"Because of the way it blatantly shows the connection between man and animal. That those who are greedy, are nothing more that filthy, disgusting pigs."
"Wow. I don't even think I know that much about Mimi!" Mike grinned, as he looked at me.
For some reason, I was terribly quiet the whole ride up. I would usually be laughing at Anya, making fun of the trivia that she took such great pride in knowing. But today, I wasn't at all myself.
And I knew why. Every single thought of mine would somehow, one way or the other lead back to Tai. Now that I think about it, coming back here was a mistake, because everywhere I turned, there were memories.
"How many more floors?" I asked rather impatiently. It felt as if we had been riding the elevator for hours.
"Well Mimi, 47 floors is kind of high. But we're.... there!" Mike exclaimed happily, as Anya darted out the doors.
"Where! Where!" she screamed hysterically.
"Wait a sec, you forgot the flower petals to throw at her feet downstairs!" Mike teased, as she slapped at his arm.
It was a funny sight. We were like a huge family. We were the bickering siblings, that were always making fun of each other, and having a blast doing it. We wold never take it seriously, and that's why we were all so close.
"Well, we're here! Marvel at your new home! Well, for the time anyway. But sadly, I have to depart, and finalize the preparations for the shoot tomorrow. Get some sleep girls! And don't stay up all night!"
"Yes dad." Anya smirked rolling her eyes.
"Oh Mimi, shackle her down so she doesn't go and start stalking Clair. And I love you Mimi."
"I love you to Mike." I stated rather flatly, trying to see if the words even made sense to me anymore. I wanted to know if I still believed them.
"Finally! He's gone! Now we can have some fun!" she cheered, as she threw open her suitcase, and began throwing clothing everywhere.
"You're unbelievable! You know that?" I giggled as I caught a miniskirt of hers.
"This would look so good on you!" she muttered, flinging a blue tube top at me. "To go with the skirt."
"Please. I want to get some rest. None of the endless parties for me!"
"Yeah, you're chained down to Mike now aren't you?"
"No fair." I pouted. "You can't keep using that against me!"
"I can, and I will!" she chuckled. "Hey, do you think Clair's boyfriend would be here too?"
"I don't know." I replied truthfully, as I began picking up her strewn clothing.
"I sure hope so! The guy is 110% gorgeous. And I saw him today! I almost had a heart attack!"
"Lucky you. But he's taken." I told her, as I casually threw the articles into the open suitcase.
"I know! And that kills me! I just wish I could snag a guy as amazing as him!" she swooned, looking up at the ceiling momentarily.
"So. Does this amazingly gorgeous guy have a name? Or do they just call him 'you there!'" I laughed. My joke was lame, but whatever.
"I really do envy her though. Clair I mean." she sighed, ignoring my question. "She has it all. An amazing career, she's smart, beautiful, and she has a man that obviously loves her to death."
"Will you just tell me who it is?" I said rather excitedly.
"The total piece eye candy, Tai Kamiya!" she sighed again walking into the bathroom to change.
For some reason, my knees felt like Jell-o. I could hardly believe it. But nothing really shocked me about that. Tai had found someone else... and according to Anya, he loved Clair.
My stomach began to churn uneasily, and I felt sick.
Before she came out, I had already stepped out. A tear streaming down my cheek as I pulled on my jacket.
Without warning, the door next to me opened. An attractive young woman stepped out, with a smile on her face that would blind a human.
She giggled lightly, as she pulled onto a long scarf, and leaned up to kiss someone. Her boyfriend obviously. The small conversation I had overheard suddenly playing back in my head.
"I'll see you tonight then okay?" she spoke softly. Her voice was filled with mirth, that it was almost contagious. "I love you."
"I love you too." the male replied back. At that moment my heart stopped and my blood ran cold.
Out walked Tai. His hair falling lightly over his face and his warm eyes smiling down on her. He gently leaned down and kissed her deeply, ringing his arms around her delicate waist.
And I wished that it was me again. Because I never forgot how his kisses felt. No matter what the situation, they would make everything seen better. They would seen light a dark room
I achingly touched my lips, still remembering the fire that was once there. He used to kiss me that way. And I would have given anything just to feel that again. Absolutely anything.
I quickly stifled a cry that was burning in my throat, and raced back into my room. But as I stepped into my lavishly furnished room, the only thing I could do was fall limply on my bed and cry. Memories of the past that we shared replayed themselves in my mind, over and over again.
Everything worth remembering in my past was with him. Everything we shared was magical and beautiful in its own way. And sadly, it would never be that way again. No matter how many times I prayed. No matter how many times I wished, he would be lost to me.
"You're doing a beautiful job ladies!" Patrick cheered happily, as he gently rubbed the top of his head. "Just keep it up!" he encouraged, as he walked out of the room, leaving us alone finally with the photographer.
"I'm so glad he's gone! I have no idea how Kamiya puts up with him! If it were me, I'd have fired his ass long time ago!" Lena smirked as she placed the camera she was holding down on the table. She lightly brushed away a piece of her bright auburn hair, and sighed deeply as she took out the freshly used up roll of film.
"Tai's amazing, I'll give him that!" Clair stated. The glow of pride that was radiating from her eyes, made her look at least five times more beautiful than she really was.
I guess that's why Tai cared for her so much. Throughout the entire shoot, I was wondering what he saw in her, that I didn't already 3possess. Jealous? Me? Never...
"Of corse you'd say that sweetie." Lena laughed. "I'd say that too about the guy I was sleeping with too!"
"Shut up Lena!" Clair flushed. Her entire face went beat red, which seemed to amuse our photographer of the day very much.
"No need to hide it Clair!" Bridget squealed. "We all know you're back together! So just dish it out! How? When?"
Clair just laughed. The light echo rang through the room. "I'm not saying a
thing." she clarified stubbornly. "And I won't tell you that it looks like it's actually gonna happen this time! And I'm not telling you that he spent all of last night at my place!"
It was like a hysterical wave of squeals. Clair just grinned mischievously as she was rewarded hug upon hug from her fellow friends.
"We've been waiting forever for this to happen!" Bridget cried happily, as she gave Clair a huge hug.
"So, when are we going to finally be brides' maids?" Christie joked, as she dropped down on a conveniently placed chair.
I could honestly say that it was like going through hell. No wait, it was worse than going through hell. I had to plaster a smile on my face, and giggle along as the rest of the girls snickered about Clair's future. Her future with the man I loved.
"Hey, I'm a little thirsty. I'm gonna cut out to get some water okay?" I lied as I practically dashed out of the room. They obviously didn't seen to catch onto the sorrow in my voice, because they just kept chattering on.
As grabbed up my flowing dress, I pushed through the flowing people that were coming into Zochi. A few people were staring at me, wondering why I was now crying my eyes out. They probably all thought I was having a tantrum or something.
But I quickly made my way over to a vending machine. Nobody was around me, and I was thankful for that. It seemed only like a second as I fell into the leather chair clutching onto the machine next to me like a life support.
The tears were just flowing from my eyes. My hands were quivering rapidly as I tried desperately to dry my eyes. But it was no use. It became frustrating for me after a while.
It was killing me. And I was so angry at myself! I mean, the self hatred I was feeling was unbearable. I kept realizing that it could be me in there. If only I wasn't so stupid! If only I had stayed with him all those years ago... we would still be together.
"Need a tissue Miss?" a deep male voice asked, as a soft material brushed against my hand. My eyes instantly jumped open, as my head sprung up.
"Tai!" I exclaimed, as I looked straight at him. All the anger seemed to leave my body as a wave of supposedly suppressed feelings exploded inside me.
"Mimi..." he muttered numbly, pulling the Kleenex back as he subconsciously took a step away from me.
I have no idea what I was thinking, but all I knew was if I wasn't touching him at that moment, I would just die... so I just let my feelings take over.
I grabbed at his chest, hugging him tightly. It felt amazing just hold him again. "Oh my God Tai..." I sobbed, as my grasp on him became like a death grip. There was just no way I was letting him go. "I've missed you so much..."
He was frozen solid. He didn't even move. And that made me cry even more. It was heartbreaking really. Because once, long ago I seemed empty when he wasn't around me. It was like that other half of you that makes you who you are was missing.
Now, when I touched him, it was as if we were strangers. And I had to bite down hard on my lip so I didn't collapse.
"No... don't do this to me..." I bawled, grasping at his shirt, yanking it slightly. He didn't even have to speak, because I knew that he understood.
We always understood what was going on in each other's minds. Obviously, even now. I guess some things never change.
"I'm sorry Mimi... I can't... I just can-" he began to explain, as he squeezed his eyes shut. But I cut him off as I placed my lips on his.
I just couldn't resist any longer. It was exactly how I remembered it. Everything inside me began to tingle and my stomach was in a knot.
I passionately pulled him closer to me, passing my hands through his hair, recalling the smoothness to it. The feel of it between my fingers. It was that one perfect moment. The one that seems to make up for all the horrible things that had happened to you.
And he pulled away violently, pushing me off of him. His strong grasp squeezing at my shoulders as he forcibly removed me from him.
"Why Mimi? Why now?!" he ordered loudly. The bitterness in his voice was new. Never once in my life had he ever demanded anything of me.
And I knew why thought. As much as it pained me, and as much as I didn't want to admit it, I knew why he was so angry with me.
"I just got my life back together Mimi! I just finally finished piecing together everything, after your leaving smashed it apart! I... I..." he started, shutting his eyes and averting his gaze. "I just though I had finally gotten over you... and then you come back, and I realized how wrong I had been. That I was just fooling myself the whole time!"
"I had everything I wanted here Tai. The friends. The family. That perfect little quaint life that everyone seems to want. But then you came along, and changed all that. But in the best way possible! When I left, I knew that I was making the biggest mistake of my life. And I have regretted stepping onto that plane for ten years! Every single second of the last ten years have been lived in regret and in sorrow! I'm not a bad person Tai... I'm really not... and the only thing I want in this world is you! And I can't even have that..." I sobbed, falling to the ground.
I pounded my fist on the glassy surface in fury as the transparent tears skimmed off my cheeks, and collided with the marble beneath me.
"I have literally been through hell the last few years." Tai spoke, breaking the silence. "After you left, nothing seemed to matter to me anymore. I just gave up caring. I gave up wanting to just go on. But then one day, out of the blue, I meet this girl. This, wild, crazy, and beautiful young girl. And she changed my life. I began to feel again. It was as if my heart started to beat again for the first time in forever."
"Clair." I spat pathetically.
"Yeah," he laughed softly "Clair is really an amazing woman you know. No matter what the situation, she always made it better. She would always be ready to lend a helping hand or give a comforting smile. And that's why I fell in love with her. I feel so madly in love with her, that the mere thought of something hurting her, in any way infuriated me. And I was so in love with her, that I knew she would end up getting hurt because of me... and I was right... I was so right." he muttered, sighing deeply, obviously not wanting to relive the memory. "After dating her for about two years, I caught her in bed with someone who I considered a friend. She dumped me. Just like that, she pushed me away. I was over and done with in her mind. And I died again."
"Tai..." I uttered, not really having any idea what to say.
"It's me Mimi! I'm the problem in a relationship!" he whispered, as a tear escaped his eye.
"That's not true!" I yelled, hysterically mad at him for thinking such a thought.
"But it is Mimi!" he retorted, dropping down to look me in the eyes. "You were my everything. I literally woke up every morning, just to see your face, and hold you close! But you left me! You, left me alone in a pit of unimaginable darkness!" he shouted fiercely.
"And I'm sorry for that!" I screamed chaotically, slapping him across the face. "I have lived with the fact I turned away my one true happiness in this world for ten years Tai! Ten bloody years! I have had to go on with the fact that I might have never seen you again ever! That I would never be able to hold you, or feel the touch of your lips against mine! I have had to go on with a question of doubt hanging over my heart; did you still love me as much as I loved you..." I cried, spilling out everything I had kept bottled up.
"I have always loved you. From the first moment I laid eyes on you, I knew that you were the one for me Mimi. And I will never, ever stop loving you the way I do." he stated, rubbing the tips of his fingers on the red blow on his face. "But you know that it could never happen between us again Mimi. Never again."
"But why!?" I demanded, grasping onto his blood red shirt again. The fixed look he held on me never broke, as he comatosely took my hand in his, and held the dull ring that was on my finger in front of my eyes. The transparent, cut glass shimmering in the neon lights.
"Because." he whispered, as he got up leaving me there.
Maybe I didn't treat you quite as good as I should.
Maybe I didn't love you quite as often as I could.
Little things I should've said and done, I never took the time.
You were always on my mind.
You were always on my mind.
Fenus -- Always On My Mind
~~Tai~~
"Kamiya!" Oogami's shrill voice exploded down the halls. I instantly shuddered, knowing perfectly well that I was, surprise-surprise, in trouble. Again.
"Do you even stop pissing him off?" Nancy giggled as she yanked the portfolio I held, out of my hands, and took it to her desk.
"Nope." I sighed, as I placed my camera case down, and slowly made my way down the corridor. Going to his office was like walking to the entrance of hell. Nothing ever good ever came out of it.
"I'm waiting!" he hissed loudly, allowing everyone within a twenty-mile radius to hear.
I grumbled as I smiled falsely at him, and took a seat in the only chair in the room. I really hated this place...
"Listen up Kamiya." he barked, as small pelts of spit hit my face. I grimaced, as I wiped it away, and attempted to focus on what he was saying. "I have just signed, what has to be the biggest deal the fashion industry has ever seen! And when they asked me, who could possibly do the photo layout, I had to shamefully admit that you were the only one I had. Now, I have invested too much of my time and my efforts into this deal to let you screw it up! So you will do you best, and you will not disappoint me!"
"Yes sir." I bit through clenched teeth. I just found it amazing that no matter what the situation, he would always find a way to put me down. He knew perfectly well that I was the best in business. But would he ever tell me that? Never.
"Now Kamiya, I know that you don't like me. And I sure as hell don't like you! You're a slacker! You just point and press a button. Any idiot could do your job! But some how, you were coined the best. And I own you. And if I find out that you've done something to this shoot, I will have your head!"
"I won't sir." I promised, only wanting to punch him. "What's the company?" I asked as I got up, and headed to the door.
"It's an American company. Vivian's Secret. Veronica's Secret. Blah! Somebody's Secret!" he waved it off, as I shut the door behind me.
"What happened?" Nancy asked upon seeing me.
"Blah blah blah, I screw up the next shoot, I'm screwed." I said in lamest terms. Why bother boring her with the pointless details?
"Hilarious!" she joked, patting me across the back. "But I have total confidence in you."
"Thank you. I need it right now." I sighed deeply. "Things are just so screwed up now. And I know Oogami knows that."
"Care to share?" she questioned, as she lightly touched my shoulder.
"Not really." I told her truthfully. "Actually, I want to drown myself in work right now. How many shoots do I have today?"
"Let's see. It's 10 A.M. now, so... five." she replied, skimming her list. "Bridget and Elizabeth in twenty minutes. Clair at twelve, two, four and eight. And Candy and Mimi at eight."
"Just perfect." I groaned, grabbing my camera with one hand, and a cup of extra strong coffee with the other. "I am so going to need this today." I sighed, taking a huge gulp.
"You have no idea how hot you look right now." I commented as Clair flashed me another earthshattering smile.
"Smooth Kamiya." she laughed.
"I know. And subtle." I added, flashing her a smile of my own.
"Modest comes to mind..." she grinned, as I slammed my camera into the nearest stand.
"You know, that's it! It's 7:51... I have spent that last eight hours gazing at you, barely able to breathe. It's been kill me." I whispered seductively, as I sauntered over to her gracefully and collected her in my arms.
"And the only think I've wanted to do for the last eight hours is kiss you." she muttered, pulling me into a kiss, whose intensity could have blown up half the world.
"Now this is what I call payment!" I suddenly stated. "Screw money... I'll just take twenty-five thousand kisses out of you."
"And I will be more that happy to deliver." she replied, without missing a beat. "But I'm still paying off God for bringing you back to me."
"Then consider your debt payed off, because he's getting some revenue from
me." I jested, as I pulled away from her, and collected my camera again. "But speaking of getting paid..."
"God Tai, I can't wait till the next shoot is over, and we can go home and I can hold you in my arms." Clair sighed deeply.
"Hey, only two more hours, and then I'm all yours." I promised, grabbing her hand and kissing it lightly.
"Oh my God! How cute are you two!?" Anya's airy voice echoed. Herself and Mimi walked through the door just then, causing my face to burn red.
"Aren't we?" Clair smirked, as she grabbed onto my neck, draping herself on me like a second skin.
It was like being pulled apart for me. I didn't want to lead Mimi on, but I didn't want to see her suffer the way she was. After her little declaration of love earlier on, I couldn't even look at Clair without feeling guilty. Or was it regret?
"Okay, I have to change out of this, and into the next shoot's clothing. I'll be back soon. Try not to miss me." Clair grinned as she placed a fiery kiss on my lips and bolted out the door quickly.
"You two are so perfect for each other!" Anya swooned. "When you guys get married, can I please be on the guest list?"
"Married!" Mimi exploded furiously. She opened her mouth to say something else, but she hastily changed her mind, and shut up. It was a little funny though. At odd moments a bit of the Mimi I used to know shone through.
It wasn't as if she changed, it was just we grew apart. Sure, everything about her still drove me crazy with longing, but the times had changed.
She was getting married for the love of God! And as much as that infuriated me, I knew that I had someone to love now too. And I wished beyond wishing that it was still her.
'Wait, what am I saying?' I asked myself mentally. 'I was happy.' No... I quickly corrected myself. 'I am happy. Happy with Clair...'
But I knew that I could never fully, love her the way she needed to be loved. Mainly because the one person in the world I wanted to be with more than anything, was out of my reach.
Now I know I said Clair was my heart. And she is. She really is. She taught me how to love again. She showed me that life truly is beautiful in every aspect of the word. She made me care about life again. But that was after Mimi left.
God, Mimi... she's the whole reason I turned out the way I did. If it hadn't been for her, I would have given up on my life, long time ago. I kept breathing, just living on the fact I might see her again.
And call me selfish, but I wanted them both. I was so in love with both of them, it was literally eating my alive. Head and heart. The on going battle continues! But now, now that I knew Mimi still loved me, my head and heart were balanced out. Any advantage Clair might have possessed, just slipped away miserably.
"How can you still do this to me?" I whispered softly in Mimi's ear while Anya was far away from us.
"I should ask you the same question." she retorted simply, her voice not wavering as she walked off and join her friend. And she never looked more beautiful to me.
If Anya hadn't been there, I would fear what I would have done to her. Probably kiss her, and never stop until I was the one that walked her down the aisle.
"Back." Clair cried triumphantly. "Now aren't I just the quickest changer you know?"
"You're not only quick at changing..." I joked, momentarily forgetting that there were others in the room. Anya's soft giggles set in, as Clair slapped my shoulder painfully. "I meant as in speed!" I quickly covered up. But she knew I was only joking. Mimi didn't though.
"Let's get this over with." she spoke rapidly. She wanted to get out of the awkward situation we were in. I didn't blame her.
It wasn't hard taking pictures of the trio. The camera loved them. Literally. They just worked so perfectly together!
"Only one more roll and you're all mine Kamiya!" Clair smiled smugly, blowing me a small kiss.
I laughed slightly, shaking my head at her. She was defiantly not the most bashful person in the world.
"And as soon as I get you home..."
"Woah! Mixing business with pleasure here!" I interrupted abruptly.
"And what a pleasure it is." she winked. Nobody except myself seemed to notice that Mimi twitched slightly. For the best I think. "I've very proud to admit that my boyfriend has the most dazzling kisses ever! Even when you're not kissing him, as hard a challenge it is, you just feel so alive! I can barely stand being apart from him." she added softly, flashing me a smile.
"Ooh! You guys!" Anya chirped, clasping her hands together tightly. "You're like two characters out of a romance novel!"
"Not even the most skilled writer in this world can describe the way I feel when I'm around him. Nobody could even come close to explaining the utter thrill I get when he holds me close." she lightly smiled.
"It's like every part of you explodes with this fire, and when you're not coiled up in each others arms, you feel truly lonely. Empty and devoid of anything. Like you're just going to die if you don't see him again. Touch him... kiss him..." Mimi bleakly murmured. Her voice was just so filled with sorrow...
"Exactly." Clair glowed. "Exactly like that."
"It's horrible to be stripped of that isn't it?" Mimi implored, looking straight at me.
"I don't know what I would do." Clair sighed, striding over to me. "You hear that Kamiya? I don't plan on leaving you any time this life time. So get used to me." she winked, as herself and Anya burst out into a fit of giggled.
Mimi didn't join in at all. She just looked at me solemnly, and shook her head mournfully. Her eyes glistening with tears as she mouthed 'I can't do this.'
I wanted to just reach out and hug her. But we both knew perfectly well that wouldn't happen.
"Hey Tai, is it okay if Clair and I skip the last few photos?" Anya asked politely.
"Whatever." I tried to smile jovially.
"Cool." she smirked immaturely as herself and Clair jumped off the platform, and rushed to grab their coats.
"See you at my place." Clair said, kissing me one last time before bolting out the door with the younger model.
"Just you and me now Kamiya." Mimi stated. Her voice had no emotion in it whatsoever. And it scared me.
"Mimi I..."
"No, it's okay. You don't have to explain. I understand. You made that perfectly clear to me earlier."
"Mimi don't be like that." I persisted, setting my camera down on its tripod.
"But how can I not Tai?" she blurted out bluntly. "I love you! I still love you with everything in my heart and soul! I want to be with you again! I want to feel the way I felt when I was dating you! It's torture! Pure torture just watching you every day, knowing perfectly well I just can't take you in my arms and hold you!"
"Mimi please don't make this any harder on me." I stumbled awkwardly over to her, and adjusted the lighting. I had to finish off this job. Just finish the job Tai...
As I marched back to my camera, I placed it on a type of autopilot. Every ten seconds it would take a picture. The quickest way to get this over with.
I winced though, noticing I had twelve pictures left. In 120 seconds, this situation would all be over with.
One click. Two clicks. Then it nothing. I hated it when this damn thing froze on me. I thought I had Patrick fix it!
But I didn't waste any time. I quickly zoomed over to Mimi, and fixed something that had bugged me at little. As I reached over to pull down the impurity, our skin collided.
I thought I melted for a minute there. I tried to shake off the warmth that was spreading through me like a disease now... but it just wouldn't go away.
"You felt that to didn't you?" she asked me, as she squeezed her eyes together tightly.
I didn't reply, but I quickly pulled away, and gazed at her face. For the first time it seemed. "You know I did..." I disclosed, not being able to resist any longer.
It was a hunger that was growing inside me. I pulled her face up to mine, kissing her hungrily. Ten years of yearning were being blown into this one kiss. And the passion emanating from us was unimaginable.
I had to hold her closer. And even when she was pressed up against my chest, it still wasn't close enough. All I knew was that I had to be with her. I had to kiss her. I just had to have her again.
"I love you Tai." she muttered.
"I love you to Mimi." I chocked, forgetting about absolutely everything and everyone else. All that mattered to me was her.
And we were so involved with each other, that we didn't even notice the faint clicking of the camera.
[ part three ] .
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