That's when, I'm insane.
I fled with suicide.
Sometime kills the pain.
I can't always say-
"It's gonna be better tomorrow."


Korn-- Falling Away From Me



Sora woke up from her reoccurring nightmare, in a panic. Beads of sweat dangled over her brow, and dropped slowly down her face, onto her pillow, causing a small pool of water to stain its covering.

She sat up, and inhaled deeply, trying to stop her heart from racing so fast. She clutched her satin sheets, bunching them up to her neck. She inhaled again, and again, not being able to stop.

She stared out the open window, and clumsily got out of bed to shut it. The lace curtains were flowing lightly in the cool breeze that was slowly filling her dorm room.

"It's over Sora." the voice in her head told her. She tried to block it out, but it only got louder and louder, until the point it was unbearable.

She slammed the window shut, and walked slowly back to her bed. Lifting the covers, she climbed back in, trying to reclaim the precious minutes of sleep she had just lost.

"It's over Sora. I'm seeing someone else." the voice said again. Her nightmare was staring all over again.


She was sitting on a park bench, holding Joe's hand, cuddling close to him. She watched as birds flew past her, cooing as a small child threw some bread to them.

Joe was absentmindedly running his fingers in and out of her soft, copper colored hair, spinning strands of it around his index finger.

He sighed deeply, and spoke her name. "Sora. I have to tell you something." she could tell by the strain in his voice, what he was going to say, was very important.

"What is it Joe?" she asked anxiously.

"It's over Sora. I'm seeing someone else." he said harshly. His black eyes were set in a straight line, as he gazed into her soft amber ones.

"What?" she gasped, as she pushed away from him violently. "What!"

"I'm sorry, but I can't continue seeing you. I've fallen in love with someone else." he said trying to avoid eye contact with her.

"Who? Who is it?" she demanded harshly, as she stood up, gazing down on him.

"Izzy." he replied. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." he said as he got up, and left her staring at a blank bench.

"Izzy." she cursed. She turned around and looked at him walk off. His wide, muscular shoulders that used to hold her close. His blueish/black hair, that reminded her of the dark. He just walked off.

She felt like crying. Just bawling her eyes out right there, but her pride got the best of her, as she only watched him walk. Sora saw a smaller person with fudge color hair run over to him, and kiss him on the cheek.

"Izzy. I hate you. I hate you!" she said to herself, turning around, and walking back to her dorm room.

As soon as the door clicked shut behind her, she threw herself down on her bed, and cried. She cried for hours on end, not wanting to stop. She wanted the pain to be gone.

Her heart had been crushed today. 'I loved him, but I guess love wasn't enough to keep him.' she thought, as she brushed her tears away hatefully. "I hate both of you!" she screamed into her mattress.


Sora woke up again. Small tears stained her cheeks, and flooded her pillow. Here she was, two years later, and nothing had gotten better. Joe and Izzy had told everyone about them being in love with each other, and they all took it like it was nothing.

Well, it wasn't nothing to her. They all seemed to forget who he had been dating first. After that frightful week, she broke off all connection to her once friends.

After the break up, she had just gone into a sever depression. She had stopped playing her beloved soccer, because she knew Tai and Mimi would be there. She had quit her job working at the flower shop with her mother, because of all the memories it brought back.

She took a stroll around her small room. Examining everything as if it were new, or she was at someone else's house.

She passed by a vase, which Mimi would compliment every time she came over. Ancient history to Sora. She took the pretty piece of delicate porcelain, and wrapped it up in a towel from the bathroom. Placing it back in the original box it had come in, she marked, To: Mimi Tachikawa in big black letters, with a permanent marker.

The fumes were making her head dizzy. So she continued to inhale, letting the deadly sent strangle her brain. She started seeing blotchy black spots, everywhere, and she felt sick.

Realizing what she was doing, she threw the marker on the wall, letting it bounce off, and roll toward her roommates bed.

"What am I doing?" she told herself, as she ran to the bathroom. She turned on the faucet in the sink, and splashed her face with water repeatedly.

She stepped back, and took a look at herself in the mirror. Her eyes, which usually made people feel loved and warm, only made her mad with herself. She knew perfectly well, that she had no love in her heart anymore. How could she?

All her friends had left her. They ignored her, and they made fun of her. They did their best to hide it, but when you nick name is Gory Sory, it's hard not to miss it.

Her family had done all but broke off connection to her, since she refused to help run their flower shop, after they retired. Then her mother died, and nobody told her about it. She had to read about it in the obituary section of the newspaper.

Finally, there was the one thing that was keeping her going. Her school work. She once loved going to school. Striving to be the best, used to be her goal. Now she was what she despised the most.

She had turned into a complete heartless bitch. She would make snide comments in class, which would make Matt look like the good student. She no longer wore the crest of love, because every time she would put it on, it would turn black, and glow red. She had long thrown it in her closet along with her Digivice, and memories of the Digiworld. She wanted no part in any of that place, or the people.

She looked deeper into the mirror, trying to find some trace of the old Sora. The one that had friends and family that cared about her. The one who did well in school. Not the one who was failing in every subject, just to piss off the teachers.

She then gazed out at her sleeping roommate. 'You would have been a nice friend Kelly. I'm sorry you have to be the one to see this.' she thought.

She looked back at her now crying reflection. 'Stop it Sora. Stop crying! You made yourself the person you are today. Just end it! End all the pain! You can do this! You're strong!'

"Shut up!" she screamed at herself, as she slammed the mirror shut, breaking the glass and causing it to shatter everywhere. A large chunk of jagged glass fell centimeters away from her, glistening in the moon.

She reached for it, and took it in her trembling hand. She ran her middle finger along the edges, leaving a small trail of deep red blood.

Her finger started to burn, but she continued dragging it across, welcoming the comforting pain. She closed her eyes, forgetting everything that was making her life a living nightmare.

'Just end your miserable life Sora. You have no reason for living. Nobody cares about you. Nobody wants you around. They all hate you.'

She looked down at her finger, opening her eyes slowly. The blood was flowing out of her open cut, oozing down her arm, dropping on the white, marble floor, in a neat puddle.

Sora moved over to the bathtub, and filled it with hot water, letting the steam roll around the small room.

She shut the door. And returned to her intended mission. She clutched the shining weapon in her palm, squeezing tighter. She squeezed tighter than anything she ever had in her whole life. She felt the shards of glass dig into her, puncturing the skin and drawing blood.

The cool liquid once again poured down her wrist, giving her a feeling of serene happiness. 'I was meant to do this. She backed up, tripping over her own feet, and falling to the ground.

Kelly woke up at the large slumping sound. She instantly looked over at Sora's bed. 'She's not there!' she thought. 'She killed herself! She actually killed herself!' was the first thing that popped into her mind. "Sora! Sora where are you!?" she cried.

"I'm in the bathroom." she replied, getting up, and rubbing her neck. She had just missed smashing her head against the edge of the tub. 'Damn.' she thought.

"Sora, are you okay?" Kelly asked, getting up, and walking over to the bathroom door.

"I'm fine Kelly." she said in her fakest voice possible. "Just running a bath!"

"Oh. Alright them." she said. "But if you need help, wake me up okay?"

"I'm just taking a bath Kelly! I'm not a baby!" she spat.

"I was just trying to be friendly. God. Do you have to be so mean Gory Sory!" Kelly said angrily.

Sora winced at the name. "Goodbye everybody." she said silently. "I was once happy. Just try to remember me happy."

She reclaimed her soon to be death weapon, and held it high in the air. She examined it from every angle, admiring its beauty.

She lowered it, so it touched her skin. Her heart was racing. The blade touched her, sending shivers up her spine.

With one sharp flick, she had sliced open her left arm wrist. The pain exploded from each point in her brain, and passed over her body, with amazing speed. Without waiting, she followed the same motion with her other wrist.

Letting the glass fall to the floor, she walked over to the bathtub, which was now almost full.

She managed to stop the water, and she then got in. As soon as her injured arms hit the water, it turned it red. The change in coloring spread quickly across the water, blending in, and finally, changing the color completely.

She let her head fall under, closing her eyes. 'I hate this place. I hate my life. I'm doing the right thing.' she reminded herself, as her body began going limp.

Water began entering her nose, pushing away whatever oxygen was left in her.

She opened her eyes, looking up at the ceiling, through bloody water. 'I hate this place.' her eyes then fluttered shut. The final result of her harsh actions.




Kelly felt horrible about what she had told Sora. She got out of her warm bed, and walked over to the bathroom door.

"Sora." she said knocking. "Sora I want to say I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you earlier."

She waited for a response. When she heard none, she got worried. "Sora." she said banging on the door loudly. "Sora let me in!" she practically screamed. She turned the handle, and much to her surprise, it was open.

She threw open the door. A wave of hot steam hit her face, burning her, but she still went in. Her first step in was a painful one. She had stepped on a piece of the glass, Sora had broke. She looked at her sore foot for a moment, but then returned her attention to Sora.

She waited for the stream to clear. When she could make out objects, she fell upon the bathtub. What she saw was a body. A body floating in a sea of red.

Kelly instinctively ran over, and grabbed her out of the water, by her shoulders. She examined her body, looking for something. Her pulse.

She couldn't use her wrists, because of the number Sora had done on them, so she tried her neck.

"Holy Shit!" she screamed. "Somebody help! Sora's dead!" she yelled at the top of her lungs.


Sora groaned softly. She managed to pry apart her eyes, and gaze at her surroundings. She was in a white room. Everything was a blinding, white, and the room smelt awful. Like rubbing alcohol, and lemon.

"She's awake!" she heard someone yell loudly. She winced as the voice echoed in her head like a gong. The voice was vaguely familiar to her. She was having trouble focusing her eyes on anything.

A strange man hovered over her, looking down at her. "Good morning Sora. You had us all worried." he said smiling.

"Where am I?" she croaked. Her own voice was a mystery to her.

"You're in St. Marguerite's Hospital. You're in the Intensive Care Unit my dear. You tried to kill yourself."

Sora shut her eyes in remorse. All that physical pain she went through, was to end her life. Not, postpone it, and end up in a hospital room.

"Sora, I want you to meet someone. This is Carter Williams. He's the top Psychiatric specialist in the United States. He's here in Japan, working on a doctor exchange this hospital offers. I want you to talk to him, when you're better." Sora groaned softly, as she fell back asleep, completely drained.

"Shame she tried to hurt herself like that." said Carter, as he passed a hand through his sandy blond hair. "She's a beautiful girl."

"Her roommate says she had been in a depression for several years. I guess she couldn't handle it any more." the doctor said walking out of the room. He gazed at her one more time, with his wild green eyes. She had heavy bandages around her wrists, to try and stop the bleeding. He looked at her chart. For someone who had absolutely no idea what she was doing, she was almost successful in her attempt at suicide. She wrists needed 15 stitches to close the wound, not the mention several blood transfusions, to make up for all the blood she lost.

"Why?" Carter asked. "You're so young." he said looking at her sleeping form. "I understand what you're going through." he whispered as he left the room.


2 Weeks Later


Sora had made a full recovery. The doctors at the hospital, were making her take therapy sessions with Carter.

To Sora, they were the biggest waste of time, but she couldn't go even if she wanted to. All the assortments of wires that were petruding from her arms, were keeping her shackled down to the bed.

"Just tell me how you're feeling!" said Carter, a little agitated. She was by far, the most stubborn patient he had ever met. But he wouldn't give up on her. There was something about her, which he refused to give up on.

"You wanna know how I feel?" said Sora after 10 minutes, looking away from him.

"Yes." he said relieved. "You can tell me." Carter said, pushing back his small wire rimmed glasses.

"I feel like a failure. I wanted to do one thing. End my miserable life. Just escape the pain I was feeling, but I couldn't even do that. I couldn't even kill myself! That's what a failure I am!" she said on the verge of tears.

"Don't say that Sora." he said. "You have everything to live for! No matter how bad things are now, the get better!"

"What would you know about bad times?" she spat at him venomously. "YOUR boyfriend, the one you loved more than life itself, didn't leave you for another GUY! YOUR parents didn't break off contact with you, just because you didn't want to run the family busyness! YOU didn't have to go to school every day, just to get laughed at, wondering what new rumor they heard about you! YOU aren't failing school! YOU have absolutely no clue what's going through my head right now! You're just that primped, med. school grad, who gets to flaunt his perfect life in front of everyone, whose lives are horrible!"

"It always wasn't like that!" he said losing his temper. "You wanna try hard life, how about mine! I was orphaned by a plane crash, when I was four! I was bounced around from foster family, to foster family, never staying longer than two weeks! Then, when I finally got to a real home, the people abused me, leaving worse scars, than anything ever could! Oh, how about begging anyone who would listen, for some money, so you could go to med. school. Or, how about the fact that I lived on the streets for three years, or the fact I tried to kill myself!"

Sora looked at him, in awe. "You tried to kill yourself?" she muttered, barely audible.

"Several times." he said sitting back down on his chair. He rolled up his shirt, to reveal a large scar across his wrists. "5 years ago, I told myself, that my life wasn't worth keeping. I hated everything I had ever done, and wanted to escape the sad reality, I called my life. One day while I was walking, I found a piece of metal, that must have fallen off a toy or something. I looked at that metal strip, several times, before I backed into an alley way, and sliced my wrists. Luckily for me, a man I was friends with saw me, and yelled for someone to call 911." he turned away from her, so she didn't see him cry. "He tried to stop the flow of my blood, but I told him to stay away from me. He didn't listen, and he wrapped my wounds, getting my blood all over himself, catching the HIV virus from me. He died of AIDS two years ago." he said rolling his sleeve down.

"Why didn't you tell me this, at the beginning?!" Sora said, returning to her motherly state of mind.

"I haven't told another living soul that." Carter said. "Sora, look at you. You're beautiful. You're smart. You're talented. You shouldn't be lying here."

"It's not that simple." she said. "I have nothing. My family and friends left me a long time ago."

"I don't think so." he said. "Come in guys."

Sora looked up at the door. Suddenly, all her friends pilled in the doors, folding large balloons and piles of flowers. They were lead by Kelly. Sora's dad ran over to her, and pulled her into a long hug.

"I'm so sorry." he said crying. "This is because of me."

"No dad. This was my fault. But I have a feeling things are going to be a lot better from now on." she said reaching out, and squeezing Carters hand.

"I better get going. This looks like a private party." he said smiling.

"NO! Don't go!" she cried. "Please. Stay."

"Okay. I was never able to say no to pretty girls." he said taking her hand again.

The people stayed in her room till visiting hours were up. Kelly and Carter were the last two people to leave.

"Um, can Sora and I have a few minutes to ourselves?" asked Kelly.

"Sure. Just let me know when you're done." he said reluctantly walking out.

As soon as the door shut, Kelly turned to Sora. "He's pretty cute. Don't you think?"

"Yeah. I guess he is." she said looking at the wall.

"He was so checking you out." she said slyly.

"No, he wasn't!" said Sora turning beet red. "It's his job."

"Really. His job is to hold your hand the whole time, and gaze lovingly at you?"

"Kelly," Sora started.

"Oh my God! You like him!" she said loudly.

"Quiet! He'll hear you!" she said placing a wrapped hand around her mouth.

"Well, he likes you." she said. "I have to go now. But Sora."

"Yeah."

"Don't ever do that to me again. Okay? You had me so worried."

"I'm sorry Kelly. I didn't want to do it to you. I didn't mean..."

"It's all in the past. You're a good person Sora. No matter what people might say about you, you really are special." she said smiling. "And I'd be honored if you called me your friend." she added silently.

"Kelly..." Sora muttered. She couldn't exactly find words to say, so she grabbed her, and hugged her. "Thank you. Thank you for being here." she cried.

"We'll be waiting for you, when you get better." she said crying too. "I better go now." she giggled a little, wiping away the stream of tears on her cheek. "Besides. Dr. Carter want's to see you next."

"Shut up." Sora giggled as she too wiped away her tears. When Carter was in the room, and the door was shut, he smiled at her. "Looks like things are already looking up."

"Yeah. Carter, I have to thank you." she said.

"Why?" he said pulling up a chair, and sitting beside her.

"You didn't give up on me. You believed in me, even when I didn't. And I know it must have been a hassle for you, to sit here day after day, and just stare at a girl who refused to talk."

"I didn't mind. Sora, I know this is really out of line, but... when you get better, do you wanna get some coffee together?"

"I'd love to." she said smiling. Even though the door was shut, she could see Kelly smiling.


Epilogue


After that day, Sora and Carter started to see each other. She went back to school, and made new friends. She started to focus in class, and made up for all her horrible tests, by extra credit projects. She began to play soccer again, and made the school team. After several games, the coaches decided to make her captain. Carter and Kelly were at all her games, and cheered her on loudly.

Sora had done a complete 180. Now that she had friends that cared about her, a boyfriend that loved her, and her family was talking to her, she slowly regained her confidence. Now, every time she wears the crest of love, it glows a bright pink.

After they dated for two years, Carter asked her to marry him. They adopted three children, (because of Carter's illness.) And lived long happy lives.



MORAL: Every cloud has a silver lining. No matter how bad a situation can get, there's always someone who's either been through the exact same thing, or can help you out. The decision to take your own life is a harsh one. So, please, before you choose to kill yourself, talk to someone about it. Anyone. They'll show you what you have to live for.

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